The window for great-grandmothers is closing • Hacker News Board

Re: The window for great-grandmothers is closing

#311

Post by yaomtc » Thu, Mar 28, 2024, 5:58 AM UTC

mycologos wrote: post #270

pooper wrote: post #265

Earlier quoted context omitted.

They just didn't know any better. The whole idea that everyone has to have children is frankly asinine. I want people to have fewer children. I want fewer people to have children. I want nobody to have more than two children. The whole idea that population must grow and keep growing is silly. It is ok for the population to shrink a little.

> I want nobody to have more than two children. > It is ok for the population to shrink a little. The first idea is way more extreme than the second idea.

They didn't say "Nobody should be allowed to have more than two children". They simply have an opinion that people shouldn't, purposefully, have more than two children. Seems reasonable to me.

Re: The window for great-grandmothers is closing

#312

Post by Tutitk » Thu, Mar 28, 2024, 6:16 AM UTC

rpcope1 wrote: post #302

shiroiushi wrote: post #282

Earlier quoted context omitted.

>The upside is that I was a total basket case in my 20s, completely incompetent to be able to raise a child. ... Generally I'd expect older adults to have done a lot more maturing and increased ability to emotionally regulate,... This is exactly why I don't think anyone should have children until they're at least 50 years old, and better yet 75-100. We just need to solve this "aging" disease problem first. 20-somethi…

Is this sarcasm or a joke? I honestly can't tell, but I hope it is.

Suggesting people to have child in their 20ties, to avoid health problems, is sexist and not based in reality. This is just extrapolation of this trend.

People can totally freeze relevant body parts, and have child in their 70ties. Saying anything else would be sexist! Natural selection in action...

Re: The window for great-grandmothers is closing

#313

Post by somenameforme » Thu, Mar 28, 2024, 6:18 AM UTC

serf wrote: post #214

crimsontech wrote: post #209

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I had my first daughter when I was 20 and grew up very quickly, I can distinctly remember it hitting me like a bus that I was now wholly responsible for a human. She is an adult now and I couldn’t be any prouder of all she has achieved in life so far. I also had two more kids in my 30s. It’s harder when you are older, but I’m financially better off so they can have things I couldn’t afford in my 20s. I do have more w…

>I can distinctly remember it hitting me like a bus that I was now wholly responsible for a human. the problem of course being that some individuals never hit upon that realization -- and the statistics regarding the matter make it look like that revelation is more likely to come to an individual who is older, financially secure, and mentally well. > It’s harder when you are older, but I’m financially better off so t…

Another thing not yet mentioned is that it literally becomes physically more difficult to have children as you age. Female fertility starts to rapidly drop in their thirties, and many will hit menopause in their 40s. The exact age is somewhat random, and some women will even enter menopause in their 30s.

Before I had children I thought it would be relatively easy - that's why you use birth control after all. But when you actually have children you learn things like at best you're looking at, at best, a 10-30% probability per month if you hit the ~48 hour ovulation window just perfectly. That doesn't sound so bad - because a month isn't such a long time, and ovulation is pretty predictable. But when you start late each month matters, and then if you want to actually have multiple children, then you're already looking at a years long process.

And then add in that as you age, all sorts of birth defects and disorders like Down Syndrome become much more likely, and you can't effectively test for them until about halfway through the pregnancy. It's just not a great idea to start late. I'd also add that for us to have a sustainable population, everybody needs to be having more than 2 children on average. This is going to take a pretty substantial reshaping of society and culture, or our society and culture will simply go extinct.

Re: The window for great-grandmothers is closing

#314

Post by B-Con » Thu, Mar 28, 2024, 6:27 AM UTC

jimbokun wrote: post #262

Afton wrote: post #90

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The upside is that I was a total basket case in my 20s, completely incompetent to be able to raise a child. I'll leave it to my children on how it turned out in my 30s. Generally I'd expect older adults to have done a lot more maturing and increased ability to emotionally regulate, which is a really critical ability when dealing with the 4th day of 3 hours of sleep and a colicky baby (for example). Also no point. But…

Interesting how until recently people in their early 20s were perfectly capable of raising children, but today they’re not.

There were a lot of incompetent parents, but they pushed ahead blindly.

Today can recognize when they'd bee a pie parent and choose not to do it anyway.

Re: The window for great-grandmothers is closing

#315

Post by 90d » Thu, Mar 28, 2024, 6:28 AM UTC

Ah just what I needed, more anxiety.

Re: The window for great-grandmothers is closing

#316

Post by timeon » Thu, Mar 28, 2024, 6:29 AM UTC

serf wrote: post #214

crimsontech wrote: post #209

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I had my first daughter when I was 20 and grew up very quickly, I can distinctly remember it hitting me like a bus that I was now wholly responsible for a human. She is an adult now and I couldn’t be any prouder of all she has achieved in life so far. I also had two more kids in my 30s. It’s harder when you are older, but I’m financially better off so they can have things I couldn’t afford in my 20s. I do have more w…

>I can distinctly remember it hitting me like a bus that I was now wholly responsible for a human. the problem of course being that some individuals never hit upon that realization -- and the statistics regarding the matter make it look like that revelation is more likely to come to an individual who is older, financially secure, and mentally well. > It’s harder when you are older, but I’m financially better off so t…

> the problem of course being that some individuals never hit upon that realization -- and the statistics regarding the matter make it look like that revelation is more likely to come to an individual who is older, financially secure, and mentally well.

For some it is really never.

Re: The window for great-grandmothers is closing

#317

Post by vidarh » Thu, Mar 28, 2024, 6:31 AM UTC

dalyons wrote: post #254

vidarh wrote: post #242

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It's not that it has gotten harder to have kids, but that people come to expect and want to provide more. I had a perfectly decent living standard growing up, but I also remember very clearly in retrospect the economic uncertainty and the things my parents did to save money, and no uncertainty I've faced has been anywhere near that. Of course it's not like that for everyone, but overall, living standards are up massi…

But it has gotten harder in some important ways, housing costs as a % of median income have risen by multiples since then. Shelter being thing that probably makes people feel the most insecure

Housing costs have increased as much as they have because people can afford to bid them up because other things do not take up as much of income.

Re: The window for great-grandmothers is closing

#318

Post by hm-nah » Thu, Mar 28, 2024, 6:33 AM UTC

Apple will soon include A.I. in iPhones that will in essence provide an eternal simulation of each of us. Progeny will be able to interact with us in our own voices and likely in 3D. When openAI and its humanoid robots align, your AI clone will be uploaded to the unit. Unfortunately “you” won’t be able to enjoy or reciprocate “their” enjoyment. Similar to if you recorded a video to your family today and they watched it after you passed away.

Re: The window for great-grandmothers is closing

#319

Post by timeon » Thu, Mar 28, 2024, 6:33 AM UTC

cacheyourdreams wrote: post #5

Aren't life expectancy at birth figures heavily skewed by infant mortality rates. I think this is quite a commonly misunderstood statistic for this reason. So while it's true that in the past a new born baby's chances of becoming a great grandparent were much lower than they would be today, that would mainly be due to the low chances of them ever reaching adulthood and becoming a parent at all, rather than the chance…

I think it was not just infants but young kids as well but yeah.

Re: The window for great-grandmothers is closing

#320

Post by visarga » Thu, Mar 28, 2024, 6:39 AM UTC

rayiner wrote: post #240

sublinear wrote: post #197

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The best part about being a mature parent is that you have much more control over how you raise your kids. No way in hell did I ever trust teachers, grandparents, coaches, etc. over my actual parents. My parents were in their 30s when I was born. Their skepticism not only decoupled them from depending on people they didn't trust, but their perspective rubbed off on me and set me up for success. Older parents have no…

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Can confirm, have 3 kids. Parenting doesn't have much to do with how kids turn out. The genetic factor is more important. Not just genes of the two parents, but also how they recombine and surface various traits. Best thing to do is to let the kid discover who they want to be. Observe and support their explorations.