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The window for great-grandmothers is closing

memoirsandrambles.substack.com

281–290 of 494 posts

Re: The window for great-grandmothers is closing

#281

> this source for example claims global life expectancy jumped from around 47 to 72 from 1950 to 2022 I believe this is because of reductions in child mortality more than increases in adult lifespan. So it doesn't affect the number of great grandmothers that much. Having kids older is definitely a big change for society and individual families, though. Every day as a parent I wish I was 15 years younger and my parent…

Yeah, it seems like great grandmothers at least would have been reasonably common as women had children so much younger than today. If women have children at 18, you could be a great grandmother in your 50s. There would probably have been the odd great-great grandmother as well.

Re: The window for great-grandmothers is closing

#282
post #90

If you haven't read the article, it's about how people having kids later means you won't meet your great grandparents. My mom had me when she was 23, and her mom had her at 22. I'm in my forties and still have two living grandparents, and am very grateful for them. I remember a lot of days where my grandmother watched me and my sister, and she was able to do that because she was only in her late 40's herself and plen…

The upside is that I was a total basket case in my 20s, completely incompetent to be able to raise a child. I'll leave it to my children on how it turned out in my 30s. Generally I'd expect older adults to have done a lot more maturing and increased ability to emotionally regulate, which is a really critical ability when dealing with the 4th day of 3 hours of sleep and a colicky baby (for example). Also no point. But…

>The upside is that I was a total basket case in my 20s, completely incompetent to be able to raise a child. ... Generally I'd expect older adults to have done a lot more maturing and increased ability to emotionally regulate,...

This is exactly why I don't think anyone should have children until they're at least 50 years old, and better yet 75-100. We just need to solve this "aging" disease problem first. 20-somethings just aren't emotionally mature enough to be good parents.

Re: The window for great-grandmothers is closing

#283
post #265

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Interesting how until recently people in their early 20s were perfectly capable of raising children, but today they’re not.

They just didn't know any better. The whole idea that everyone has to have children is frankly asinine. I want people to have fewer children. I want fewer people to have children. I want nobody to have more than two children. The whole idea that population must grow and keep growing is silly. It is ok for the population to shrink a little.

The way the trend is going, the population is going to shrink. South Korea is already down to 0.84 (2.1 means population stays the same).

Re: The window for great-grandmothers is closing

#284
My siblings and I did unusually well at school (relative to cousins and peers) - and it’s possible this was due to having an “older” father.

There’s a 2017 study that older parents produce kids with a higher Geek Index —

https://www.nature.com/articles/tp2017125

Seems “truthy” to me.

Re: The window for great-grandmothers is closing

#285
post #48

Aren't life expectancy at birth figures heavily skewed by infant mortality rates. I think this is quite a commonly misunderstood statistic for this reason. So while it's true that in the past a new born baby's chances of becoming a great grandparent were much lower than they would be today, that would mainly be due to the low chances of them ever reaching adulthood and becoming a parent at all, rather than the chance…

Pretty sure the probability of making it to adulthood has never been below 50% excluding war, plague, or famine (which were common, so hard to normalize)

Wikipedia seems to suggest you might be wrong: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Life_expectancy#Variation_over...

For example, for Ancient Rome it says “ while the ~50% reaching age 10 could expect another 40 years of life”.

Re: The window for great-grandmothers is closing

#286

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Yeah, the thing that kinda annoyed me about the article is that it even acknowledges this fact ("even though life expectancy at birth as I’ve used here isn’t the best proxy for this"), but then for some reason refuses to make the next rational leap that there were plenty of great grandmothers in previous generations, totally invalidating the article's main thesis. Obviously there have been huge changes in family size…

Personally when people make mistakes like that I stop reading. Not even the next word. I'm gone.

I’ve also adopted that policy after getting really annoyed that 90% of the time when someone mentions historical life expectancy, they make that exact same mistake and completely ignore infantile mortality.

Re: The window for great-grandmothers is closing

#287
post #90

If you haven't read the article, it's about how people having kids later means you won't meet your great grandparents. My mom had me when she was 23, and her mom had her at 22. I'm in my forties and still have two living grandparents, and am very grateful for them. I remember a lot of days where my grandmother watched me and my sister, and she was able to do that because she was only in her late 40's herself and plen…

The upside is that I was a total basket case in my 20s, completely incompetent to be able to raise a child. I'll leave it to my children on how it turned out in my 30s. Generally I'd expect older adults to have done a lot more maturing and increased ability to emotionally regulate, which is a really critical ability when dealing with the 4th day of 3 hours of sleep and a colicky baby (for example). Also no point. But…

Few are really prepared to have kids, until they have their second kid. Everyone I know who had kids shortly after college (which skews the parents a bit economically, I know, but not necessarily emotionally or in maturity) had great family lives and outcomes.

Re: The window for great-grandmothers is closing

#288

If you haven't read the article, it's about how people having kids later means you won't meet your great grandparents. My mom had me when she was 23, and her mom had her at 22. I'm in my forties and still have two living grandparents, and am very grateful for them. I remember a lot of days where my grandmother watched me and my sister, and she was able to do that because she was only in her late 40's herself and plen…

> Not everyone can rely on parents to help with childcare, but it is worth keeping in mind that if you wait until your mid 30's they might not be able to catch a running toddler like they could a decade earlier. Starting having kids in our 20s is the best decision my wife and I ever made. When my daughter was born, my parents (then in their early 60s) got a decade younger overnight. I wish we hadn’t spaced them out s…

Same. Easiest decision we made. I don't understand the comments about maturity. I fully agree that at 25 I would be unable to raise a 16 year old. Luckily I've never met someone who gave birth to one of those.

Re: The window for great-grandmothers is closing

#289
post #90

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The upside is that I was a total basket case in my 20s, completely incompetent to be able to raise a child. I'll leave it to my children on how it turned out in my 30s. Generally I'd expect older adults to have done a lot more maturing and increased ability to emotionally regulate, which is a really critical ability when dealing with the 4th day of 3 hours of sleep and a colicky baby (for example). Also no point. But…

Interesting how until recently people in their early 20s were perfectly capable of raising children, but today they’re not.

It used to be that the average person at 25 already had worked a full-time job for 5-7 years. Now a college education is much more important and at 25 many haven't had a full-time job at all yet and in a way haven't been exposed to the real world. I sometimes think about Robert M. Pirsig's point that young people should work and then get further education to see better where the value comes from. I do wonder if that would push children even further back though.

Re: The window for great-grandmothers is closing

#290
post #13

Earlier quoted context omitted.

My family has really long generations. Going back 7 generations for me patrilinearly is exactly 280 years; 40 years per generation. When I was young my grandparents were already in their 80s and both grandfathers gone before I was 14. Sadly, both had mental decline (stroke, Alzheimers) and I never knew them in their right mind. They'd be in their 110s today. The idea of knowing my great-grandparents, who would be in…

My neighbour is a fifty year old guy and his grandfather was born in the 1860's. Both the grandfather and father had kids with much younger women. Funny how we're closer to the past than we think.

My grandpa's mother worked as a servant in a castle that I only know as a burned-out ruin and my grandpa fought in Stalingrad as a teenager. Unfathomable
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