[dead]
The window for great-grandmothers is closing
261–270 of 494 posts
Re: The window for great-grandmothers is closing
#262If you haven't read the article, it's about how people having kids later means you won't meet your great grandparents. My mom had me when she was 23, and her mom had her at 22. I'm in my forties and still have two living grandparents, and am very grateful for them. I remember a lot of days where my grandmother watched me and my sister, and she was able to do that because she was only in her late 40's herself and plen…
The upside is that I was a total basket case in my 20s, completely incompetent to be able to raise a child. I'll leave it to my children on how it turned out in my 30s. Generally I'd expect older adults to have done a lot more maturing and increased ability to emotionally regulate, which is a really critical ability when dealing with the 4th day of 3 hours of sleep and a colicky baby (for example). Also no point. But…
Interesting how until recently people in their early 20s were perfectly capable of raising children, but today they’re not.
Re: The window for great-grandmothers is closing
#263Earlier quoted context omitted.
Not a parent, but I feel the same about myself. Having a kid at 22 would’ve been a mess to say the least. Looking back at that age halfway through my 30s, at that point I wasn’t much more than an overgrown 16 year old that could legally walk into a bar who wouldn’t get his head screwed on quite right for another 6 years or so at minimum.
the component that is getting lost in our culture, which in other cultures is still more present is that grandparents play an active role in helping the young parents to raise their children. in chinese culture for example the young couple moves in with the husbands parents, and so grandparents are always around to give advice and help. when our first was born we moved to live a few km from the grandparents, and ther…
> in chinese culture for example the young couple moves in with the husbands parents, and so grandparents are always around to give advice and help
That's a common mode. Another common mode in Chinese culture is that the young couple lives separately from their parents, and the child is raised by the grandparents, rarely seeing its parents.
Re: The window for great-grandmothers is closing
#264Earlier quoted context omitted.
A lot of this assumes so many things that I think people who were born and raised in stable UMC (like most on HN) take for granted. Even if I lived close to the family I was born into, I would never let them get near my children. The years of neglect and child abuse are reason enough that they should never see them - let alone be caregivers. Similarly, you’re assuming that your marriage would have gone smoothly still…
> A lot of this assumes so many things that I think people who were born and raised in stable UMC (like most on HN) take for granted. You don’t have to be “UMC” to take those things for granted. All those things are normal in the third world village where my dad grew up.
Right, it’s less about economic class, more about cultural values.
Re: The window for great-grandmothers is closing
#265Earlier quoted context omitted.
The upside is that I was a total basket case in my 20s, completely incompetent to be able to raise a child. I'll leave it to my children on how it turned out in my 30s. Generally I'd expect older adults to have done a lot more maturing and increased ability to emotionally regulate, which is a really critical ability when dealing with the 4th day of 3 hours of sleep and a colicky baby (for example). Also no point. But…
Interesting how until recently people in their early 20s were perfectly capable of raising children, but today they’re not.
They just didn't know any better.
The whole idea that everyone has to have children is frankly asinine.
I want people to have fewer children.
I want fewer people to have children.
I want nobody to have more than two children.
The whole idea that population must grow and keep growing is silly. It is ok for the population to shrink a little.
Re: The window for great-grandmothers is closing
#266If you haven't read the article, it's about how people having kids later means you won't meet your great grandparents. My mom had me when she was 23, and her mom had her at 22. I'm in my forties and still have two living grandparents, and am very grateful for them. I remember a lot of days where my grandmother watched me and my sister, and she was able to do that because she was only in her late 40's herself and plen…
The upside is that I was a total basket case in my 20s, completely incompetent to be able to raise a child. I'll leave it to my children on how it turned out in my 30s. Generally I'd expect older adults to have done a lot more maturing and increased ability to emotionally regulate, which is a really critical ability when dealing with the 4th day of 3 hours of sleep and a colicky baby (for example). Also no point. But…
I think a lot of these “20s” lessons and better emotional regulation you learn before the child is old enough to remember, i.e. by your late twenties.
Although, I think going through that learning process + raising a baby + recently newly wed is a contributing factor to divorce.
Re: The window for great-grandmothers is closing
#267If you haven't read the article, it's about how people having kids later means you won't meet your great grandparents. My mom had me when she was 23, and her mom had her at 22. I'm in my forties and still have two living grandparents, and am very grateful for them. I remember a lot of days where my grandmother watched me and my sister, and she was able to do that because she was only in her late 40's herself and plen…
I’ve had a similar thought about marriage, late marriage means you forgo the likelihood for big wedding anniversaries.
Re: The window for great-grandmothers is closing
#268Earlier quoted context omitted.
The upside is that I was a total basket case in my 20s, completely incompetent to be able to raise a child. I'll leave it to my children on how it turned out in my 30s. Generally I'd expect older adults to have done a lot more maturing and increased ability to emotionally regulate, which is a really critical ability when dealing with the 4th day of 3 hours of sleep and a colicky baby (for example). Also no point. But…
Interesting how until recently people in their early 20s were perfectly capable of raising children, but today they’re not.
A high school education doesn't go as far as it used to, women have more life paths that don't involve being a stay-at-home mom, houses are harder to come by, average age at first marriage is almost a decade higher than it was in the 50s ... notable, sure, but interesting, I dunno.
Re: The window for great-grandmothers is closing
#269Earlier quoted context omitted.
Personally when people make mistakes like that I stop reading. Not even the next word. I'm gone.
That is exactly what I did. I want to read things from people who have thought more about a topic than I have, not less.
Yeah that article was really thin, and at a guess I'd say that the age of great-grandparents has probably been declining since at least around the 50s or 60s and we're certainly not at peak-great-grandparent. This article reads like a young Millennial thinking they're the first one in the world to not know their great grandparents.
Re: The window for great-grandmothers is closing
#270Earlier quoted context omitted.
Interesting how until recently people in their early 20s were perfectly capable of raising children, but today they’re not.
They just didn't know any better. The whole idea that everyone has to have children is frankly asinine. I want people to have fewer children. I want fewer people to have children. I want nobody to have more than two children. The whole idea that population must grow and keep growing is silly. It is ok for the population to shrink a little.
> I want nobody to have more than two children.
> It is ok for the population to shrink a little.
The first idea is way more extreme than the second idea.