My great-grandfather was widowed and remarried in late 1940ies to a woman who was his university-age daughter's friend (that daughter was my grandmother). Yeah, he was considerably older (late 40ies/early 50ies?) than her (like 23?). That lady is my great-grandmother (sure, she's not blood related to me but they had children and they are all my various uncles/aunts and cousins). When I brought in my children to see the family, they got to meet their both of their great-grandmothers, great-grandfather, and on top of that their great-great-grandmother. Now THAT's rare.
The window for great-grandmothers is closing
161–170 of 494 posts
Re: The window for great-grandmothers is closing
#162Earlier quoted context omitted.
I no longer read anything in parentheses for this exact reason. It seems people tend to write their "live-edits" and "related thoughts" in parentheses rather than spending a moment to figure out what they want to say and writing it clearly. I've found skipping anything within parentheses tends to improve my understanding while reading.
Really? You don't read anything in parentheses? I think that would be harder to do (I'm joking, don't take it seriously) than actually reading the parenthetical information.
> I think that would be harder to do than actually reading the parenthetical information.
You must be joking, right?
Re: The window for great-grandmothers is closing
#163Earlier quoted context omitted.
I think this is the story people tell themselves, but as far as I can tell it's mostly just a story. Kids are resilient and don't need the material wealth college educated people tend to assume they will to have a good childhood. And as for parents, there's really a lot to be said for raising kids while you're young and energetic, it's just easier. The problem is that it's nearly impossible to convey to a childless p…
It's not just a matter of giving your kid a new laptop every year vs. every couple of years, or not being able to pay for college out-of-pocket. There are plenty of people out there who can't afford to live in anything larger than a one-bedroom apartment, who can't afford to clothe their children, or who can't even afford to feed them. Telling them to have kids because they are "resilient" and parenthood is "meaningf…
To accept this view is to accept the idea that most of our ancestors had "childhood poverty trauma". I just don't see how it's a useful frame.
And really, it's not the actual poor who are delaying having kids into their mid-30s: it's the college educated who make way, way more money than them!
Re: The window for great-grandmothers is closing
#164> this source for example claims global life expectancy jumped from around 47 to 72 from 1950 to 2022 I believe this is because of reductions in child mortality more than increases in adult lifespan. So it doesn't affect the number of great grandmothers that much. Having kids older is definitely a big change for society and individual families, though. Every day as a parent I wish I was 15 years younger and my parent…
My mother died unexpectedly when she was 73, a couple years ago, and it's one of my big regrets that she didn't get more time with my children, which were the great joy of the last few years of her life.
Re: The window for great-grandmothers is closing
#165Earlier quoted context omitted.
The upside is that I was a total basket case in my 20s, completely incompetent to be able to raise a child. I'll leave it to my children on how it turned out in my 30s. Generally I'd expect older adults to have done a lot more maturing and increased ability to emotionally regulate, which is a really critical ability when dealing with the 4th day of 3 hours of sleep and a colicky baby (for example). Also no point. But…
It's complicated. It's definitely true that we're less mature in our 20s than we are in our 30s. But, also, maturity doesn't just accumulate on us like growth rings. You can easily be a completely immature thirty-something if you don't have the kind of challenging life experiences that cause maturity. Probably the number one life experience that increases maturity is having kids . If you'd had kids younger, you would…
A very close friend of mine was murdered at 18, his sister was a year younger and she matured very quickly as a result of this experience. She’s now in her early 20s and you’d assume she’s 35 by her personality and view points.
Re: The window for great-grandmothers is closing
#166Earlier quoted context omitted.
In the line I've been able (most just showed up in the New World from somewhere or other...) to trace back to 7 generations, it was a little less, but they were in the colonies before the US was a thing, so more than 35, less than 40 years per generation? My wife can go back 7 as well, and her family has also tended towards high parental investment in offspring; next time I'm in the cellar I'll have to check but I'd…
I do get frustrated when I hear people saying negative or unfounded things about couples with relatively small age gaps 7-15 years. It’s the norm, not the exception. And I say that as someone who has only dated people my own age.
Many things were historical norms, with current practices being the exception.
Re: The window for great-grandmothers is closing
#167Earlier quoted context omitted.
Alternately, you could be giving both them and yourself a better quality of life by waiting until you’re more ready. Obviously you don’t have forever to do this.
I think this is the story people tell themselves, but as far as I can tell it's mostly just a story. Kids are resilient and don't need the material wealth college educated people tend to assume they will to have a good childhood. And as for parents, there's really a lot to be said for raising kids while you're young and energetic, it's just easier. The problem is that it's nearly impossible to convey to a childless p…
> how meaningful parenthood will be to their life.
Parenthood is very obviously not meaningful to every parent's life. There are plenty of people that just don't make good parents (and who may never make good parents). Saying "you should have kids because of how meaningful it will be!" is a bad thing to say to a narcissist or someone that's overly self involved. Kids need time, attention, and love. Not everyone can or wants to give that. Yes it's sad, yes it's wrong, but it's also a fact.
I have family members in this boat, the kids greatly suffer as a result.
Social norms and defaults have a tendency to shame people into bad positions. Sure, some may benefit, but others will flounder and take their kids/family down with them.
Re: The window for great-grandmothers is closing
#168If you haven't read the article, it's about how people having kids later means you won't meet your great grandparents. My mom had me when she was 23, and her mom had her at 22. I'm in my forties and still have two living grandparents, and am very grateful for them. I remember a lot of days where my grandmother watched me and my sister, and she was able to do that because she was only in her late 40's herself and plen…
> it's about how people having kids later means you won't meet your great grandparents.
It really depends.
When I was born my youngest grandma was 50. She already had three grandchildren.
I already had only 3 grandparents, one had died when my father was young, having survived two world wars, ironic ain't it?
At the age of 10 only one grandma was still alive, but she lived to the age of 95 and managed to meet 4 great grand-children.
My cousins had children late in their lives, their parents were average for their times.
I would say that meeting your grand parents is a benefit that has become a given only for the past 2-3 generations, when life and work conditions improved so much that it became the norm.
Re: The window for great-grandmothers is closing
#169Earlier quoted context omitted.
And yet... > The recent proliferation of studies examining cross-national variation in the association between parenthood and happiness reveal accumulating evidence of lower levels of happiness among parents than nonparents in most advanced industrialized societies. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5222535/ I'm sure it is meaningful, but not everyone is willing or able to take on the stress of raising chi…
IMHO opinion you have to take happiness surveys like this with a grain of salt. For one thing, there is no such thing as a happiness ruler, this is all based on survey responses and subjective ideas of what it means to be happy. The effect sizes are small and inconsistent. The same surveys frequently show industrial countries significantly less happy than developing countries, and yet few people would choose to live…
I used to take these with a grain of salt indeed, but this is a meta study that finds effects that seem consistent.
I think that happiness probably includes meaning for a lot of people and furthermore it’s a hard sell telling them that they shouldn’t want to be happy.
I’d also turn around the statement about parents who wish they hadn’t had kids (though I did at one point accidentally date a woman who was married with children who clearly didn’t want any of that) to say that I also suspect that those who avoided having children on purpose also rarely regret that decision; some people are just different ultimately I suppose.
Re: The window for great-grandmothers is closing
#170Yeah, that is a pity.