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Ask HN: How did you get yourself out of a rut?

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Re: Ask HN: How did you get yourself out of a rut?

#91

Post by al_borland »

cookiengineer wrote: post #8

For me I had a little phase of not understanding the despair and hatred I received for forking Audacity at the time. I didn't understand why people would do that, and neither why they decide to have "fun" being a bully online and lying about things that never happened. When /pol/ and kiwifarms came at me, I wasn't sure how to deal with that, especially because most rumors supposedly happened when I was asleep, not ev…

Cal Newport's book, Digital Minimalism, is on this topic of disconnecting. It's not what I was expecting going into the book, but it was very interesting and something I hadn't really considered before. People today spend little to no times with their own thoughts, and always have some other form of input pushing their mind one way or another, be in a social feed, podcast, book, news, or music. It is very easy to always use those things to fill any void with distractions.

Re: Ask HN: How did you get yourself out of a rut?

#92

Post by lakotasapa »

TL'DR: friends..if you can find any.

I'm in the same place. After TED talks and much self guiding/discovery materials. I realize it really comes down to friends or at least someone you can confide in without judgement. Although therapist can help, but that just a guide. You still need to find friendships. I can't lose faith in humanity but omg...it's so *ukin hard. Worse for me as fulltime dad of a toddler where my times are mostly preoccupied so ideally for me. Need someone else who's going through the same.

Ex prgm mgr, coder from FAANGM now triaging my zillion side prj ideas for gold, but same..everyday is a struggle. Can't focus, lack motivation and direction.

Re: Ask HN: How did you get yourself out of a rut?

#93

Post by mettamage »

Rastonbury wrote: post #88
mettamage wrote: post #77

Earlier quoted context omitted.

You're currently labeling a group of people as assholes that seem to say something similar to what I wrote. Please assume that I'm commenting in good faith [1]. I can mask my behavior as well and I have done at places, it sucks. HN is not a place where I want to do this. > Please respond to the strongest plausible interpretation of what someone says, not a weaker one that's easier to criticize. Assume good faith. [1]…

I am not labelling you an asshole, I am saying there are people who use that as an excuse and this group make the other group look bad

Fair enough, I can see that.

Re: Ask HN: How did you get yourself out of a rut?

#94

Post by cdeutsch »

I decided to downsize my life by selling a relatively expensive car and my condo and see how long I can go without working.

I have no desire to go back to frontend development even though I can make way more doing that than anything else.

I'm hoping in a year or so I'll be ready to get back into tech, but right now I have no desire to. So much of the industry just seems toxic to my mental health.

Re: Ask HN: How did you get yourself out of a rut?

#95

Post by shrimp_emoji »

cookiengineer wrote: post #8

For me I had a little phase of not understanding the despair and hatred I received for forking Audacity at the time. I didn't understand why people would do that, and neither why they decide to have "fun" being a bully online and lying about things that never happened. When /pol/ and kiwifarms came at me, I wasn't sure how to deal with that, especially because most rumors supposedly happened when I was asleep, not ev…

Omg hey! Good advice.

The one bit I don't understand is:

> I didn't understand why people would do that, and neither why they decide to have "fun" being a bully online and lying about things that never happened.

Like, do you have an autism diagnosis or something? You're claiming mystification at a basic, rudimentary feature of human behavior. It's like not understanding humor or something.

Re: Ask HN: How did you get yourself out of a rut?

#96

Post by shrimp_emoji »

subjectsigma wrote: post #40
ao98 wrote: post #38

The best advice I been given: “when your problems seem overwhelming, get busy solving other people’s problems. Not only will you feel good about helping others and get that feeling of productivity, seeing what others are dealing with will also give you perspective on your own problems and a renewed sense of hope and energy”. Volunteer somewhere. Help a friend out. But try to do it in person where you can get more of…

> The best advice I been given: “when your problems seem overwhelming, get busy solving other people’s problems. …” As someone in the midst of trying this I can tell you personally it’s not all it’s cracked up to be. I think I’m starting to realize that this person is beyond my capability to help and all the time I’ve wasted helping them could have been spent improving my own situation

Yep!

It sucks, but libertarians were right. ;p

Re: Ask HN: How did you get yourself out of a rut?

#97

Post by The_Colonel »

cmrdporcupine wrote: post #82
The_Colonel wrote: post #79

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I'm not that far along with my kids, but from my friends & family I see some examples of involved parents having a very close relationship with their children well into their adult years. > children are not the answer to getting meaning into your life Because the meaning may end (after many years/decades)? That seems strange, what answer to this hunger for meaning is guaranteed to fulfill you forever?

I'm pretty close to both my teens. But the relationship shifts. And every month you feel that they "need" you less. And they tend to go through a phase in mid-adolescence when they really make that clear, too... If your primary answer to the question "why I'm here? what's the point?" is taking care of your kids, you're going to end up with a widening gap as they age into adulthood, move out, and you spend and spend l…

> If your primary answer to the question "why I'm here? what's the point?" is taking care of your kids, you're going to end up with a widening gap as they age into adulthood, move out, and you spend and spend less time with them and they become more independent.

It's my primary answer which will do its job for many years. Again, it's not like you'll find a life-long meaning in building a B2B startup. It might work for a couple of years, then you need to find something else.

Re: Ask HN: How did you get yourself out of a rut?

#98

Post by [deleted] »

nobdy wrote: post #86

I went anonymous for this one and it's all my fault. I really messed up. I had it all- wife, stepkids, job, homes. I had a good life. I miss my old life. I miss my baby. But it's all gone now and I can never have it back. I basically lost everything... due to my own paranoia and listening to family members I shouldn't have listened to who didn't agree with my marriage to begin with, I complained to the wrong people w…

[deleted]

Re: Ask HN: How did you get yourself out of a rut?

#99

Post by ornornor »

cdeutsch wrote: post #94

I decided to downsize my life by selling a relatively expensive car and my condo and see how long I can go without working. I have no desire to go back to frontend development even though I can make way more doing that than anything else. I'm hoping in a year or so I'll be ready to get back into tech, but right now I have no desire to. So much of the industry just seems toxic to my mental health.

Same problem here. It doesn’t get better in my experience, the more you stay away the less you want to go back in. Over the last 15 years I estime I’ve worked 50% overall. This time I haven’t been working for over 2 years.
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