Hacker News Board Hacker News, browsed like a classic message board
Live data from Hacker News

Ask HN: How did you get yourself out of a rut?

news.ycombinator.com

Post reply on HN
Print view View original

71–80 of 99 posts

Re: Ask HN: How did you get yourself out of a rut?

#71

Post by TomaszZielinski »

grrandalf wrote: post #42
TomaszZielinski wrote: post #23

At one point I had a bookshelf full of books on depression, fear, lack of confidence, etc., so it's impossible to answer such a broad question in a comment, but let me comment on the "high potential" sub-question. Personally I no longer think that "high potential" is a real thing--I think of it more as of a mental trap that can play part in depression (it definitely played a big part in mine..). What I mean by that (…

> So what I'm saying is that your actual potential has been exactly what you observed! +1; How close is my paraphrasing to what you were thinking? achievement(person) = potential(person) - adversity(person) People implicitly assume the 'adversity' term is negligible. But in reality, the 'adversity' term can very large, and vary widely from person to person. [yep the "equation" isn't dimensionally consistent. It's mea…

At first I thought your equation sums it up perfectly, then caveats started to appear and then caveats to caveats. And in an hour I realized a PhD could be built around it :)). So I won't give you a simple answer, but I'll write some loose thoughts, likely incoherent, etc., OK?

- I think the only real/tangible/measurable/graspable part is the `achievement` side. Although personally I wouldn't call it `achievement` but sth like `present state`. It's because `achievement` invites comparison, and if someone already compares themselves to some idealize figure, then I think it would be more helpful to use neutral terms. Also, it cannot be measured--you can measure net worth, but not empathy or compassion.

- On the right side of the equation I would treat both the potential and the adversity as unknown and fixed. By fixed I mean that in each moment of the past they had some fixed value, and by unknown I mean that it's practically impossible to measure their values. We only know the result (i.e. the left side), but not as a measurement, only as a state, so to speak.

- I can see that thinking about the potential and adversity as separate terms might be useful if someone beats themselves about wasted potential, but then can look at the equation to remind themselves that the potential is always tied with adversity, they go hand in hand together and looking only at the potential is like looking at your assets but not on your mortgage.

- Another useful angle of the equation might be that if someone is beating themselves about not working to decrease the adversity, then they might notice that working on it would "consume" the potential points! (E.g. time is required to use your potential, but if you spend it on dealing with adversity..). (But then it might be dangerous as it also conveys they idea there is a measurable, standalone thing called "one's true potential", which I don't believe exists.)

> People implicitly assume the 'adversity' term is negligible.

I thought about it for a short while and my take would be that people share (discuss) their adversities with others all the time, but when it comes to formulating the equation they often tend to end up with sth like:

    expectedAndMandatoryAchievement(person) = perceivedHighPotential(person) /* - adversity(person) */
I guess I'm saying that people don't think the adversity is negligible, but they tend to completely cover it with a newspaper when thinking about the potential vs reality.

And this is a straight path to depression...

OK, let me end here! I hope my LLM didn't hallucinate too much, but it's closer to stream of consciousness than to well though out arguments, so buyers beware!

Last but not least, thank you for a great prompt--it made me think about the topic from a different angle!

Re: Ask HN: How did you get yourself out of a rut?

#72

Post by philomath_mn »

mettamage wrote: post #50
Aeolun wrote: post #24

It’s probably a bad idea, but having a child seems to have made things significantly better in some ways. I’m still prone to anxiety, but existential fears have been greatly reduced. I attribute this mostly to lack of time to think too much, so you can probably find different ways to achieve the same effect. I think somewhere along the way I’ve also become adult enough to realize that there will be days I accomplish…

This answer is IMO a strong distractive strategy. I don't have children, but as a former gamer, I do know a thing or two about distraction! What I found: after the distraction has run its course, it will come back to you. Distraction suppresses. It doesn't actually allow you to work through it. That's my experience at least.

See your sibling comment:

> A child answers the existentialist "why I'm here? what's the point?" question on a primal, fundamental level. The child needs you, your purpose is to care for it.

A child is not a distraction from something else, they become your entire purpose.

Re: Ask HN: How did you get yourself out of a rut?

#73

Post by philomath_mn »

jf22 wrote: post #65
Aeolun wrote: post #24

It’s probably a bad idea, but having a child seems to have made things significantly better in some ways. I’m still prone to anxiety, but existential fears have been greatly reduced. I attribute this mostly to lack of time to think too much, so you can probably find different ways to achieve the same effect. I think somewhere along the way I’ve also become adult enough to realize that there will be days I accomplish…

I've had the same experience with kids. After having kids, I'm living more day-to-day, and I don't care about so many things I used to care about. For me, seeing my kids smile washes away any feelings of anxiety and dread.

I suppose this is one benefit of having kids young: you can go straight from school into a purposeful life without the intervening anxiety and dread that a lot of people experience.

I was one year out of grad school (age 24) when my son was born. My peers are just now having their kids 10 years later, but I definitely don't regret it.

Re: Ask HN: How did you get yourself out of a rut?

#74

Post by uptownfunk »

cookiengineer wrote: post #8

For me I had a little phase of not understanding the despair and hatred I received for forking Audacity at the time. I didn't understand why people would do that, and neither why they decide to have "fun" being a bully online and lying about things that never happened. When /pol/ and kiwifarms came at me, I wasn't sure how to deal with that, especially because most rumors supposedly happened when I was asleep, not ev…

I love love love this- you are 100% right

> shut off your phone, go outside for a couple weeks, no tech, no internet, nobody nagging or forcing you to do anything. And listen. To nature, to the environment, to what you think. Take with you a notebook and a pen, and write down your thoughts. Persist on not going online, and fight the addiction.

Re: Ask HN: How did you get yourself out of a rut?

#75

Post by [deleted] »

uptownfunk wrote: post #74
cookiengineer wrote: post #8

For me I had a little phase of not understanding the despair and hatred I received for forking Audacity at the time. I didn't understand why people would do that, and neither why they decide to have "fun" being a bully online and lying about things that never happened. When /pol/ and kiwifarms came at me, I wasn't sure how to deal with that, especially because most rumors supposedly happened when I was asleep, not ev…

I love love love this- you are 100% right > shut off your phone, go outside for a couple weeks, no tech, no internet, nobody nagging or forcing you to do anything. And listen. To nature, to the environment, to what you think. Take with you a notebook and a pen, and write down your thoughts. Persist on not going online, and fight the addiction.

[deleted]

Re: Ask HN: How did you get yourself out of a rut?

#76

Post by ametrau »

GaryNumanVevo wrote: post #60
rrgok wrote: post #25

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I know it is a minor things, any change in your hair loss? I'm asking because because there are studies that links T to DHT to hair loss.

Yes. I don't have a family history of MPB, I've been taking T after a doctor recommended it and my hairline started noticeably receding within 6 months.

Why not take finasteride as well to offset it?

Re: Ask HN: How did you get yourself out of a rut?

#77

Post by mettamage »

Rastonbury wrote: post #64
v-erne wrote: post #58

Earlier quoted context omitted.

>> And market dynamics sure aren't fully solving it with the "invisible hand" that it offers. If I take my ideological glasses off for a second its kinda obvious why - invisible hand is just and "observation" dressed in lots of wishful thinking from economists. In reality it is just useful model that almost always fails if you look close enough >> The market incentives for me to find a job aren't strong enough and th…

It's the assholes who say "I am being me, deal with it" as an excuse to get away with bad/rude behaviour without actually knowing what their true self is

You're currently labeling a group of people as assholes that seem to say something similar to what I wrote. Please assume that I'm commenting in good faith [1]. I can mask my behavior as well and I have done at places, it sucks. HN is not a place where I want to do this.

> Please respond to the strongest plausible interpretation of what someone says, not a weaker one that's easier to criticize. Assume good faith.

[1] https://news.ycombinator.com/newsguidelines.html

Re: Ask HN: How did you get yourself out of a rut?

#78

Post by mettamage »

v-erne wrote: post #58
mettamage wrote: post #51

> I'm certain there are many on here who had high potential and feel they've squandered it. I had the same feeling, I still do to some extent. But genuinely, I also have noticed that society isn't equipped to deal with my high potential. My issue is: I want to stay authentic, I find it (morally/ethically) hard to put on a mask or role. Therefore, I bring my whole self to a job interview. The problem with that is that…

>> And market dynamics sure aren't fully solving it with the "invisible hand" that it offers. If I take my ideological glasses off for a second its kinda obvious why - invisible hand is just and "observation" dressed in lots of wishful thinking from economists. In reality it is just useful model that almost always fails if you look close enough >> The market incentives for me to find a job aren't strong enough and th…

> the harsh truth is that there is not many people that want to work with people that are true to themselfs (which usually means they have all barriers and filters discarded and are at best annoying and at worst offensive)

That's what I was trying to depict with coffee/barista example. The example highlights the problem: the customer simply wants coffee brought to him, not to meet a new person - perhaps for a small quick back 'n forth chat but that's it. In the work force, people see other people mostly for the services they provide first and foremost and they want it to be a pleasant interaction. They don't care about you, they care about (1) the service and (2) it being pleasant/positive. I get it, I also find it dehumanizing, but I get it.

And it is a harsh truth. I've tested to put my morals/ethics away and just mask my behavior. Suddenly I jive much better in the work force. The only thing I don't jive well with when I do that is my own conscience.

> so if you feel off to them they will write you off as not a cultural fit and by all means they may be right

What I was trying to depict in my previous comment: the harsh truth is that not everyone is enculturated to fit in. Some people never got a real chance to get the memo. That's how talent is wasted. It's an unequal playing field. This is especially true for people in economical disadvantaged positions.

For example, a friend of mine is a teacher and he teaches some economical disadvantaged boys. Those boys believe that being able to beat someone up is actual strength and what it means to be a man. They care about all the stereotype things that a person cares about when living the "thug life". Some will grow up like that in their adulthood, in my experience. For them, it's tough to integrate into any working lifestyle simply because they've had a traumatic past where no one had the culture of trying to solve conflicts with words rather than with violence (speaking from enough experience). Schools try to correct for this and are failing, and I'm speaking from experience in the Netherlands. I can't even imagine what the US is like.

It's an unequal playing field. I've made my peace with that a long time ago since being born in NL is also unequal. But given that, it bares to be repeated. How you grow up determines a lot of how you're encultured into the work force.

Re: Ask HN: How did you get yourself out of a rut?

#79

Post by The_Colonel »

cmrdporcupine wrote: post #37
The_Colonel wrote: post #33

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> but having a child seems to have made things significantly better in some ways A child answers the existentialist "why I'm here? what's the point?" question on a primal, fundamental level. The child needs you, your purpose is to care for it.

This phase lasts until they are teenagers, and the questions come back but stronger. Unless you enjoy the answer to "why I'm here" being "driving my teen around to hang with their dubious friends", "nagging about homework", and "human paycheque." Just sayin' :-) I love my kids, but children are not the answer to getting meaning into your life. Having a mid-life crisis in your late 40s & 50s long after you've had kids…

I'm not that far along with my kids, but from my friends & family I see some examples of involved parents having a very close relationship with their children well into their adult years.

> children are not the answer to getting meaning into your life

Because the meaning may end (after many years/decades)? That seems strange, what answer to this hunger for meaning is guaranteed to fulfill you forever?

Re: Ask HN: How did you get yourself out of a rut?

#80

Post by swat535 »

keithwarren wrote: post #5

I have felt a a sort of fog/rut for years now. Figured it was just age. Doc checked my testosterone level and it was super low. About 10% of what you would want. Started taking T via a gel/lotion and after about two weeks I noticed a significant change in my productivity. The rut/fog was gone, I was working like I did 15 years ago. Prescription ran out, was out of town, basically missed 10 days. Fog was back, a week…

I highly recommend trying HCG which is the safer option initially and preserves fertility. It also prevents testicular atrophy.

Depending on your Hypogonadism however, you may not see great results, if you have primary then it won't do much but for secondary cases you'll see your T levels increase.

In any case, doing TRT + HCG is ideal for most secondary Hypogoands. If cost is not an issue, it's a good thing to add to your protocol and for many people it might be the missing link for libido improvements should TRT alone fail.

I Started with HCG mono, now I've been doing TRT + HCG for 24 months. Best decision I've ever made and it basically saved my marriage. I had no sexual function before.

Post reply on HN