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I always knew I was different, I didn't know I was a sociopath

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Re: I always knew I was different, I didn't know I was a sociopath

#191

Post by em-bee »

JohnBooty wrote: post #131
em-bee wrote: post #51

Earlier quoted context omitted.

that's very difficult when you have a trait that others can't see, and therefore can't be aware of or understand, and much less empathize with. it feels wrong because you keep getting confronted with expectations that you can't fulfill. and you can't see others that have the same experience. so you end up feeling you are the only one.

I hope you can find your tribe, so to speak. My best friend is ace and has a large and supportive ace friend group. It is not a cure-all but it sure goes a long way....

i haven't, but thanks for your thought. i have only recently begun to understand what the difficulties i am facing are and how they affect me, and how they were caused growing up, so i haven't been searching. i have also been coping reasonably well, in part because for a long time i was not even aware, which kept me from wondering to much. the only thing i noticed was that i had difficulties making friends, like some others here. so in a way HN is my tribe so far.

as for the challenge of making friends, for some reason, growing up, i didn't feel the need, but saw the benefit of not being submitted to peer pressure. i took my outsider status and relished in it, doing things that few others of my classmates did. i distanced myself and sought friends in after school activities. and as i was able to make a few friends once i joined university i felt that, given the circumstances, things didn't go that bad.

the making friends problem i am addressing by moving out of europe and living among people who are more welcoming than the average europeans, and also by applying this key understanding:

being a friend means to care about someone. you make friends by showing that you care.

i show that care to everyone who crosses my path, and with repeated interaction some of these people become friends.

Re: I always knew I was different, I didn't know I was a sociopath

#192

Post by zoklet-enjoyer »

helboi4 wrote: post #186
zoklet-enjoyer wrote: post #169

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Do anything? Doping has been a "problem" in cycling since the start of the sport. It's not like Lance Armstrong was the first or last person to cheat like that. He was just the best and I find it admirable.

Bro what are you on about. I'm talking about forcing people to do things not someone doping.

Did he force anyone to take drugs? I never heard about that. Also, how do you force a grown man to take drugs?

Re: I always knew I was different, I didn't know I was a sociopath

#193

Post by kayodelycaon »

em-bee wrote: post #189
kayodelycaon wrote: post #143

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The issue is asexuality isn’t used as a precise word. Some definitions are self-limiting in that way but not all. I completely lack sexual attraction. That doesn’t mean I can’t have and enjoy sex for other reasons. Sexual attraction isn’t necessary to desire children. And lack of it is not a hinderance if you don’t mind the process. ;)

what is sexual attraction? is it seeing someone and wanting to have sex with them? it never occurred to me that not wanting to have sex with everyone i find otherwise attractive is something unusual. if anything i think many problems today come from people wanting to have sex with anyone they feel attracted to, or choosing a partner only because they are sexually attracted. instead of choosing a partner because they…

> what is sexual attraction?

The best way I can describe sexual attraction is having an emotional level awareness of sex as a category. It's not limited to physical appearance. There is something would make you want to have sex with another person.

> instead of choosing a partner because they love them and only wanting to have sex with them because of that love.

Given what you already said, this isn't a question an asexual person is likely to ask. They would already know the answer. :)

> seems to me that being able to enjoy sex in the way you say is the better and healthier approach.

Not really. I don't understand why sex is important. I don't understand why anyone would want to go out of their way to have it.

Sure, it's fun, but not enough to justify all the hype about it. If you want to get hot and sweaty, can we go play laser tag and gang up on some over-confident teenagers instead?

Why the heck does the entire history of human society care about this?

What would get me to want sex? When it's an add-on to another fun activity. Cuddling and sex! I'm listening. (Note to self, never suggest naked laser tag again.)

Hope that helps! :)

Re: I always knew I was different, I didn't know I was a sociopath

#194

Post by em-bee »

kayodelycaon wrote: post #193
em-bee wrote: post #189

Earlier quoted context omitted.

what is sexual attraction? is it seeing someone and wanting to have sex with them? it never occurred to me that not wanting to have sex with everyone i find otherwise attractive is something unusual. if anything i think many problems today come from people wanting to have sex with anyone they feel attracted to, or choosing a partner only because they are sexually attracted. instead of choosing a partner because they…

> what is sexual attraction? The best way I can describe sexual attraction is having an emotional level awareness of sex as a category. It's not limited to physical appearance. There is something would make you want to have sex with another person. > instead of choosing a partner because they love them and only wanting to have sex with them because of that love. Given what you already said, this isn't a question an a…

There is something would make you want to have sex with another person.

i have never felt anything like that.

Given what you already said, this isn't a question an asexual person is likely to ask. They would already know the answer. :)

i wasn't actually asking a question but making a statement.

i think my understanding and my feelings about this are much closer to yours than i am comfortable describing in detail in a public post here. (but i am open to continue this conversation in private, as i am very interested in getting a better understanding about this question.)

I don't understand why sex is important.

i understand it about as well as i understand why people want to have a car. (i don't have a car, and i don't drive). more specifically, i see sex as just one of the many ways that one can show affection to someone else. the trouble is that it has been overloaded with taboos and expectations unlike most other forms of showing affection. and i agree it is overhyped.

Re: I always knew I was different, I didn't know I was a sociopath

#195

Post by supernewsman »

accfor1comment wrote: post #188

I’ve seen this narcissist in the New York Times with a similar article promoting her shitty book. Yawn. Personally I blame the journos for promoting this loser. Not believing any of this until I can sit down with her mother, etc. and see more proof and verify these stories. Though if she lies about a significant part of her life story that may be another sign she’s a sociopath. Still lame.

Seriously. I’m getting so sick of this “yeah I’m a sociopath look at how groundbreaking this is, we are so edgy and journalistic and insightful” trend going around, when no, you are just annoying and weird. No one is going to buy your pseudo introspective book no matter how many cinematic cover photos you take. These articles need to stop.

There was another article that came across the same way, with this guy claiming humans don’t have “free will” but if you wanted to see any of his scientific “research” it just so happened that you also had to buy his book. Publications need to stop giving these attention seeking narcissists their supply for the love of god it’s becoming unbearable.

Re: I always knew I was different, I didn't know I was a sociopath

#196

Post by idiotsecant »

dirtybirdnj wrote: post #124
idiotsecant wrote: post #88

Earlier quoted context omitted.

some of the biggest names in history were almost certainly sociopaths. And they were sometimes quite a positive net force. Just about everyone can be put to productive use in the right place, i'm not sure we need to isolate (?) anyone.

I agree that people should be given the opportunity for their natural gifts being used effectively. I do NOT think "I'm a sociopath, sorry that doesn't bother me" is ever an acceptable resolution to the damage, pain and suffering they cause. If you help 100 but you have to destroy 5 to get there, was it worth it? I do not think people deserve the benefit of the doubt to make this ethical call. The problem with sociop…

Sociopaths are important. There are lots of cases where no having an emotional response can be extremely valuable - emergency response, front line armed combat, extreme sports, executive leadership, the list goes on. Sociopaths are an important ingredient in the human soup, they just need the right conditions to be useful. All minds can be used productively, if you apply them correctly.

Re: I always knew I was different, I didn't know I was a sociopath

#197

Post by dang »

FarMcKon wrote: post #5
pi-e-sigma wrote: post #3

[flagged]

Oh! Glad to see you are so well educated and experienced in mental health treatment, that you can speak for what every single person that medical condition would ever conceivably do.

Please don't break the site guidelines, no matter how wrong another comment is or you feel it is.

https://news.ycombinator.com/newsguidelines.html

Re: I always knew I was different, I didn't know I was a sociopath

#198

Post by agumonkey »

Waterluvian wrote: post #74
klabb3 wrote: post #33

Super interesting. I can recognize this behavior with people playing multiplayer games. When there are no stakes, and everything is a game, people mess around – especially when they’re bored. If it’s just a game, who cares? People with extremely low “emotional reactivity” appear unlikely to share with others (why would they, most of us share stuff for empathy - and they may not see the point - or lose out socially).…

Reading this reminds me of someone I was friends with in high school who quickly turned out to be absolutely insufferable to play any sort of cooperative game with. They would take absolutely _everything_ that could be shared, and calmly and with complete conviction explain it was better off with them. They were blind to the bigger picture of quickly having nobody who would ever play with them. Magic the Gathering at…

> They would take absolutely _everything_ that could be shared, and calmly and with complete conviction

How do you call this ? this kind of shameless self interested bullshit ?

I work with someone who has an uncanny ability to talk like this and say vaporous stuff with a strange blend of belief and weight.

I don't know how this is called .. but it stumps me every time he does it. He can fail at the most basic thing or refuse to actually share the workload and at the next meeting come up explaining to everybody how things should go because of and . And he manages to tap deep into your brain on ideas that you will never go against (team spirit, dignity, mission, whatever) so it disengages any critical thinking reflex you might have.

Re: I always knew I was different, I didn't know I was a sociopath

#199

Post by EVa5I7bHFq9mnYK »

n4r9 wrote: post #57
dustincoates wrote: post #6

Another article from the same person: https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2024/02/25/magazine/patr... And discussion: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=39500240 And yet another from a few years back: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=24806019

She seems to be a bit of an intriguing character. I remember googling her when that thread from 18 days ago popped up and couldn't figure out whether she was genuine or simply a very good self-publicist chasing a literary niche. Seeing her pop up again has made me lean towards the latter. I googled around again and discovered a reddit thread in "askpsychology": https://www.reddit.com/r/askpsychology/comments/jqewhk/d…

And why does she (?) feel the need to emphasize her posh upbringing? Might be a fantasy too.

Re: I always knew I was different, I didn't know I was a sociopath

#200

Post by helboi4 »

zoklet-enjoyer wrote: post #192
helboi4 wrote: post #186

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Bro what are you on about. I'm talking about forcing people to do things not someone doping.

Did he force anyone to take drugs? I never heard about that. Also, how do you force a grown man to take drugs?

I dunno man, I have no idea what lance Armstrong did i was just responding to the philosophical point that it is possible to intimidate and manipulate people into giving consent.
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