Hacker News Board Hacker News, browsed like a classic message board
Live data from Hacker News

Stop postponing things by embracing the mess

deprocrastination.co

Post reply on HN
Print view View original

151–160 of 225 posts

Re: Stop postponing things by embracing the mess

#151

Post by adadadadadad »

notjoemama wrote: post #150
prometheus76 wrote: post #17

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It's the classic situation of someone without ADHD telling us "just focus!" or "you just need to write things down!" or "you're just lazy". I have ADHD, and I also do not have a sense of smell (lost it in a TBI when I was a teenager). I tell people, "you take for granted what it's like to have a sense of smell. It affects every moment of your day, catching your interest and directing your attention all the time. Imag…

As the non-ADHD spouse I definitely understand this but it leaves us both scratching our heads when problem solving ADHD related things. I simply can’t comprehend what it’s like and nothing that works for me works for her. Mostly I just try to focus on myself and my needs (which has limits in our relationship). I can’t offer anyone advice except sometimes loving someone else is a choice you make for you, especially w…

They need deadlines where they feel shame if they fail. And they will do anything to avoid having them. To provide the necessary structure and disciplining as a partner is next to impossible in a relationship of equals.

They need some external force to exert pressure, which is usually a strict boss and job, but usually they will just leave their job if the income is not needed.

A lot of ADHD advice promotes being more empathetic and forgiving, but ultimately they need a much stricter regime than the rest.

Re: Stop postponing things by embracing the mess

#152

Post by adadadadadad »

d0100 wrote: post #103
bookofjoe wrote: post #27

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Memories of my ex-wife admonishing me, while in the throes of a deep, disabling episode of clinical depression, to "Snap out of it!"

Ironically, "snapping out of it" is the best way I can deal with it No other reasoning with myself works better than just "snapping out"

“Today is the day” and sometimes it just is.

It’s nice to tell yourself a story as to why this is the ideal moment to have a reset.

Re: Stop postponing things by embracing the mess

#153

Post by adadadadadad »

hirvi74 wrote: post #110
prometheus76 wrote: post #17

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It's the classic situation of someone without ADHD telling us "just focus!" or "you just need to write things down!" or "you're just lazy". I have ADHD, and I also do not have a sense of smell (lost it in a TBI when I was a teenager). I tell people, "you take for granted what it's like to have a sense of smell. It affects every moment of your day, catching your interest and directing your attention all the time. Imag…

I'm doubly screwed. Like you said > "It's the classic situation of someone without ADHD telling us "just focus!" or "you just need to write things down!" or "you're just lazy". Of course, this advice was never helpful and did not work. However, I was properly diagnosed, went to medication route, coupled it with therapy, and I'm still not better. Now, the medication and all that is definitely better than nothing, and…

Be cautious, the meds can make it worse in the long run as your brain seeks homeostasis and now demands even more dopamine than before to motivate.

Re: Stop postponing things by embracing the mess

#154

Post by LoganDark »

hirvi74 wrote: post #143
LoganDark wrote: post #129

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Someone can have a mild form of ADHD without it being severe enough to cause executive dysfunction outright. That's what I mean by spectrum

Ok, now I understand. The term I have always heard is "subclincial."

Huh, that's a good term. Thank you

Re: Stop postponing things by embracing the mess

#155

Post by adadadadadad »

StefanBatory wrote: post #106
equalsione wrote: post #71

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Growing up, my parents didn't have encouragement or patience in their emotional toolkit. You were expected to do everything perfectly - homework, writing a letter, any kind of planning, even sweeping the floor or washing dishes - and if you struggled in any way you were berated at length. Many decades later even mundane things can be a battle - ringing a doctor to ask for an appointment, or a provider to query a bill…

That is something I share too, I had similar experience. Faced with hard task, I ended up not even trying - penalty for failure was the same as one for not doing something.

That sums up a lot of workplace disfunction. Proactively pushing new ideas and then getting blamed for failure, not applauded for them attempt. It’s why corporates can’t innovate internally.

Re: Stop postponing things by embracing the mess

#156

Post by adadadadadad »

annie_muss wrote: post #81
darkwater wrote: post #22

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I'm not a medical expert or anything but I guess there is a good chunk of population who just procrastinates or can struggle with focus without having ADHD? Or is there always a 1:1 relationship?

The real measure is the level of harm. That's it. My ADHD meant I couldn't hold down a job or relationship. You lose your job enough times and the depression that follows is inevitable. That said, I can imagine a Dustin where I had stumbled into a different career, a different family situation. Then my ADHD might not have caused enough problems to be a disorder.

I sometimes wonder if it’s just a sign of being in the wrong career.

A lot of people chase the money in an area of general interest. But the actual tasks they are being paid for might simply not be what they are suited for.

If always think to myself if only brainstorming, ideation and online shopping were a career haha.

Re: Stop postponing things by embracing the mess

#157

Post by LoganDark »

larrik wrote: post #128
rapnie wrote: post #48

Earlier quoted context omitted.

There's also the "Price goes up in" and a counter (4 hrs from now). So don't procrastinate, buy now! Geez.

I believe that is 4 days, actually

Sure yesterday I said "tomorrow", so what? It's still not tomorrow yet, so I'm fine!

Re: Stop postponing things by embracing the mess

#158

Post by troad »

adadadadadad wrote: post #151
notjoemama wrote: post #150

Earlier quoted context omitted.

As the non-ADHD spouse I definitely understand this but it leaves us both scratching our heads when problem solving ADHD related things. I simply can’t comprehend what it’s like and nothing that works for me works for her. Mostly I just try to focus on myself and my needs (which has limits in our relationship). I can’t offer anyone advice except sometimes loving someone else is a choice you make for you, especially w…

They need deadlines where they feel shame if they fail. And they will do anything to avoid having them. To provide the necessary structure and disciplining as a partner is next to impossible in a relationship of equals. They need some external force to exert pressure, which is usually a strict boss and job, but usually they will just leave their job if the income is not needed. A lot of ADHD advice promotes being mor…

Is this take based on any medical evidence?

I note you're casting your take as contrary to a 'lot of ADHD advice', but it's not clear to me whether you're implying that (a) a lot of popular ADHD advice is scientifically unsound and your advice is more in line with the science, or whether you're saying that (b) both the ADHD advice and the science it is based on is wrong, but your take is right.

Edit: Saw some of your other posts and am reasonably confident (b) is the correct hypothesis.

Re: Stop postponing things by embracing the mess

#159

Post by Swizec »

adadadadadad wrote: post #152
d0100 wrote: post #103

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Ironically, "snapping out of it" is the best way I can deal with it No other reasoning with myself works better than just "snapping out"

“Today is the day” and sometimes it just is. It’s nice to tell yourself a story as to why this is the ideal moment to have a reset.

The thing that worked for me was getting so bored of being depressed that one day my mind went “Okay fine, you’re right, nothing matters. If nothing matters, then me feeling this way doesn’t matter either. I’ll just go do the things regardless of how I feel”

Been 20 years now. Works fine. The depression has been starved of attention, only comes back when I’m hungry.

Re: Stop postponing things by embracing the mess

#160

Post by hoc »

corobo wrote: post #9
hoc wrote: post #5

I also suggest to add a physical signal on your typical life accessories like phone or watch. E.g. swapping or adding a special colored case during productive time to remind you to return to focus on production when you tend to break into "day-dreaming". Does not make you start the day, but lets you keep going longer (ok, that might sound wrong, but let's keep it for its mnemonic value).

I have a little silicone thumb ring I use for this. No idea why I bought a handful of them in the first place but they're useful for this sort of thing! If I'm wearing it, there's still work stuff on my todo list that needs doing today. Brings me back to the PC rather than coming in from a walk and doing a bunch of housework I notice on the way in haha. Hard to miss being on my hand, almost anything I could do while…

Great. I'll add that to my signaling items options.

Makes me wonder why I see bringing my phone being a safer bet than bringing my hands :)

Post reply on HN