Earlier quoted context omitted.
>start questioning their decisions I'm not privy to any discussions you've had, of course, but I will comment on this because I see it in many tech people: don't question people's decisions. No matter how you phrase it, it will appear critical. And people (neurotypical or otherwise!) don't like criticism, no matter how much they claim to welcome it. Those "explicit" requests for feedback? They want positive feedback.…
The reason I speak of "neurotypical bullshit" is because people around me have several times suspected I'm on the spectrum, and I noticed I have a hard time dealing with subtle social cues. One manifestation of this is when someone asks me something with a straight face, I tend to assume they actually want what they asked for. When someone asks them feedback so they can improve, I tend to concentrate on what could ha…
Sometimes, often, feedback is about timing. The time to talk about how better to architect a thing is when it's being architected, not 2 months later. Instead of "This is crap" try "Hey I know this works for now, but there's room for improvement here. Next time we're talking about a system like this can I help with design? I have a few ideas what we might improve".
Volunteering to do the work of implementing your improvements goes a long way to making people more receptive to feedback. Otherwise you're just giving people homework and they almost certainly already have enough of that.
edit to add: Yes, creating change is work and it is exhausting. That's why organizations value people who can pull it off.