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How Inuit Parents Teach Kids To Control Their Anger (2019)

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Re: How Inuit Parents Teach Kids To Control Their Anger (2019)

#141

Post by filleduchaos »

082349872349872 wrote: post #132
filleduchaos wrote: post #121

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I don't know how else to tell you that anger very, very, very literally gives a person energy. Amongst other emotions (like fear as I have already mentioned, but also e.g. excitement), part of its arousal is your body being flooded with epinephrine et al, which provokes a significant boost in cardiovascular performance. > The original claim was "do what needs to be done" and now you backtracked to claim that instead…

(a) recall that I made a utility judgement, not a value judgement: "anger = useless" (b) That an adrenaline dump provokes a significant boost in cardiovascular performance is true. We are neither fighting anachronistic saber-toothed tigers, nor are we in the wild west, we are in civilised countries in the 21st century. When should improved cardiovascular performance improve any outcomes?

I'm very happy for you that you're so privileged as to have never faced the threat of violence in your life, but consider sparing a thought for those who have.

And, again, if you don't have the emotional regulation to not fly off the handle at things that aren't actually dangerous or threatening, that's a you problem not a problem with the existence of your limbic system.

Re: How Inuit Parents Teach Kids To Control Their Anger (2019)

#142

Post by aredox »

082349872349872 wrote: post #137
jncfhnb wrote: post #95

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Non violence is made effective by the credible threat of a violent alternative

(NB: I was originally discussing anger, as distinct from violence, but as long as we're here...) The most famous example of non violence is the Independence of India. If I squint, I guess I can see the nascent US as having provided the credible threat in that case, but there was still a decade to go between independence and suez. Edit: modulo a few exceptions, the fall of the Soviet Union was also a stunning success…

India gained its independence because the violence exerted by the Nazis and the Japanese empire exhausted the UK so much they saw no way to keep hold of India by force.

And one million people died in the subsequent partition.

Re: How Inuit Parents Teach Kids To Control Their Anger (2019)

#143

Post by 082349872349872 »

filleduchaos wrote: post #141
082349872349872 wrote: post #132

Earlier quoted context omitted.

(a) recall that I made a utility judgement, not a value judgement: "anger = useless" (b) That an adrenaline dump provokes a significant boost in cardiovascular performance is true. We are neither fighting anachronistic saber-toothed tigers, nor are we in the wild west, we are in civilised countries in the 21st century. When should improved cardiovascular performance improve any outcomes?

I'm very happy for you that you're so privileged as to have never faced the threat of violence in your life, but consider sparing a thought for those who have. And, again, if you don't have the emotional regulation to not fly off the handle at things that aren't actually dangerous or threatening, that's a you problem not a problem with the existence of your limbic system.

Regarding your assumption: I've been assaulted, battered, (both successful) and mugged (only attempted). Anger wouldn't have helped; applying a full nelson and dragging the miscreant into a shop did.

To be explicit: had I acted out of anger, I might've tried to fight the guy, and (especially if he had had friends), it would not have ended well. Having instead used my neocortex: his initial advantage lay in choosing the time, manner, and place; time there was nothing to be done about; manner I negated by switching first to grappling, then to grappling in a situation where I had the cardiovascular advantage; and place I negated by moving to a location where there were other people.

(in retrospect, if I'd just not tried to shortcut through an alleyway at night in a strange city, I would never even have had to make use of my normal cardiovascular capacity)

When was the last time you faced a threat of violence for which increased cardiovascular performance improved the outcome?

Re: How Inuit Parents Teach Kids To Control Their Anger (2019)

#144

Post by jncfhnb »

082349872349872 wrote: post #137
jncfhnb wrote: post #95

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Non violence is made effective by the credible threat of a violent alternative

(NB: I was originally discussing anger, as distinct from violence, but as long as we're here...) The most famous example of non violence is the Independence of India. If I squint, I guess I can see the nascent US as having provided the credible threat in that case, but there was still a decade to go between independence and suez. Edit: modulo a few exceptions, the fall of the Soviet Union was also a stunning success…

There was a huge credible threat of violence in the independence movement of India

Re: How Inuit Parents Teach Kids To Control Their Anger (2019)

#145

Post by angrais »

Erratic6576 wrote: post #114

One of my proudest parenting moments: my 9 yo was crying around noon, I was trying to comfort him and he slapped me in the face with anger. “Are you slapping me because you’re hungry?” “Yeah” “You want a banana?” “Yeah”

Would you explain why this makes you proud?

I assume as the kid is showing a good grasp on identifying his emotions.

Re: How Inuit Parents Teach Kids To Control Their Anger (2019)

#146

Post by ProllyInfamous »

pmarreck wrote: post #94
ProllyInfamous wrote: post #75

Earlier quoted context omitted.

One of my first memories is of "biting Mother." Her response was "bite this little bastard back." I've spent decades untangling our Love. RIP, Mom.

Same on all fronts. Mom died March 2020, a week before COVID lockdowns. The wake for her we had at our house was the last social engagement I experienced for at least a year.

I'm so glad you got to have the wake, "normally" ; our family chose to not have any gatherings and I hosted one myself, but CoVid was full swing and I wasn't prepared to be the sole "surviving family members" amongst all her wonderful/heartfelt friends.

Re: How Inuit Parents Teach Kids To Control Their Anger (2019)

#147

Post by qarl »

angrais wrote: post #145
Erratic6576 wrote: post #114

One of my proudest parenting moments: my 9 yo was crying around noon, I was trying to comfort him and he slapped me in the face with anger. “Are you slapping me because you’re hungry?” “Yeah” “You want a banana?” “Yeah”

Would you explain why this makes you proud? I assume as the kid is showing a good grasp on identifying his emotions.

I can guess they are proud because they were slapped in the face but didn't react in anger.

Re: How Inuit Parents Teach Kids To Control Their Anger (2019)

#148

Post by qarl »

sublinear wrote: post #5

This seems particularly useful to know about especially as organizational change across so many workplaces has created tension. The only part I wonder about is the "playful" storytelling. There are definitely better ways to communicate danger to a child than the boogeyman. It will take a lot more effort than a silly story, but you're trying to build up their mind after all.

> There are definitely better ways to communicate danger to a child than the boogeyman.

Why do you say that?

"If you go into the water you will die." Death is pretty abstract to a toddler. Even extreme pain - they've never been hurt in any serious way.

"If you go into the water you will be grabbed by a monster and taken away." It's all concepts a toddler is very familiar with.

Re: How Inuit Parents Teach Kids To Control Their Anger (2019)

#149

Post by adammarples »

Erratic6576 wrote: post #114

One of my proudest parenting moments: my 9 yo was crying around noon, I was trying to comfort him and he slapped me in the face with anger. “Are you slapping me because you’re hungry?” “Yeah” “You want a banana?” “Yeah”

Oh my god I'm imagining being 9 years old and slapping my mum and crying because I was hungry, can't do it lol

Re: How Inuit Parents Teach Kids To Control Their Anger (2019)

#150

Post by Erratic6576 »

adammarples wrote: post #149
Erratic6576 wrote: post #114

One of my proudest parenting moments: my 9 yo was crying around noon, I was trying to comfort him and he slapped me in the face with anger. “Are you slapping me because you’re hungry?” “Yeah” “You want a banana?” “Yeah”

Oh my god I'm imagining being 9 years old and slapping my mum and crying because I was hungry, can't do it lol

Sorry 9 month old. I’ve just realised the mistake
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