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How Inuit Parents Teach Kids To Control Their Anger (2019)

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Re: How Inuit Parents Teach Kids To Control Their Anger (2019)

#11

Post by throwaway421967 »

serf wrote: post #9
op00to wrote: post #4

I’m not sure lying to your kids about sea monsters to the point that your children are so petrified of the water they don’t go near it is quite as benign as they believe.

to be fair to the concept, it's a pretty benign sea monster (as far as sea monsters go..) >Jaw says Inuit parents take a pre-emptive approach and tell kids a special story about what's inside the water. "It's the sea monster," Jaw says, with a giant pouch on its back just for little kids. >"If a child walks too close to the water, the monster will put you in his pouch, drag you down to the ocean and adopt you out to…

I wonder why across different cultures there seems to be a monster with a bag. Is there one proto-story being evolving through cultures or do people find it too gruesome to say that children are eaten so they create independently.

Re: How Inuit Parents Teach Kids To Control Their Anger (2019)

#12

Post by makeitshine »

op00to wrote: post #4

I’m not sure lying to your kids about sea monsters to the point that your children are so petrified of the water they don’t go near it is quite as benign as they believe.

Do many people, when older, get upset about the lies their parents told them about Santa, The Easter Bunny and such?

I'm skeptical these sorts of childhood lies cause any issues.

Re: How Inuit Parents Teach Kids To Control Their Anger (2019)

#13

Post by mistrial9 »

serf wrote: post #9
op00to wrote: post #4

I’m not sure lying to your kids about sea monsters to the point that your children are so petrified of the water they don’t go near it is quite as benign as they believe.

to be fair to the concept, it's a pretty benign sea monster (as far as sea monsters go..) >Jaw says Inuit parents take a pre-emptive approach and tell kids a special story about what's inside the water. "It's the sea monster," Jaw says, with a giant pouch on its back just for little kids. >"If a child walks too close to the water, the monster will put you in his pouch, drag you down to the ocean and adopt you out to…

at what psychological development stage? (usually age)

Re: How Inuit Parents Teach Kids To Control Their Anger (2019)

#14

Post by adriand »

082349872349872 wrote: post #3

I'm with the Inuit and Jedi on this one: anger is pretty useless[0], and if you must[1] take revenge, that's best served cold. Sometimes I wonder if the typical Hollywood W-plot, in which the hero's best friend/significant relation is shown partying/getting the girl/otherwise living well at the top of the middle ∧ then killed by the villain at the bottom of the right ∨, after which the hero gets angry and wins the da…

Anger is not at all useless, it is a powerful and extremely useful emotion. When we witness injustice, when our loved ones are threatened or harmed, when someone treats us with contempt or disrespect, anger is our signal that we must take action, and it gives us the energy and courage to do what must be done.

Understanding your anger and not letting it control your behaviour (ie not giving in to blind rage), is important. But there are no useless emotions, and of all the “negative” emotions, anger is among the most useful and important.

Re: How Inuit Parents Teach Kids To Control Their Anger (2019)

#15

Post by trabant00 »

Typical story about some exotic knowledge or practice that is a shortcut westerners could take to solve otherwise complex problem.

Who says anger is always wrong? Or that not exposing children to it is better? Screaming at somebody can be a valid excalation in a conflict, signaling serious aggression and that worse is to come if the offending party does not cease.

Yelling can be stupid and worse than useless. People can lose their temper too often or when they do not have a chence to win an escalated conflict. But an extreme does not justify the other (never doing it).

Also kids are kids. Sometimes they will not accept any calm argumentation no matter what. And shocking them into submission with verbal aggression will. Again, this can be over used by some parents.

There are no shortcuts and no recipes. Never doing something or always doing some other thing does not work.

Re: How Inuit Parents Teach Kids To Control Their Anger (2019)

#16

Post by xattt »

serf wrote: post #9
op00to wrote: post #4

I’m not sure lying to your kids about sea monsters to the point that your children are so petrified of the water they don’t go near it is quite as benign as they believe.

to be fair to the concept, it's a pretty benign sea monster (as far as sea monsters go..) >Jaw says Inuit parents take a pre-emptive approach and tell kids a special story about what's inside the water. "It's the sea monster," Jaw says, with a giant pouch on its back just for little kids. >"If a child walks too close to the water, the monster will put you in his pouch, drag you down to the ocean and adopt you out to…

The story of the monster is technically the truth. Being near the sea is dangerous and requires respect and understanding.

There will be a transition period between realizing the story is fake, and the real reason why small people need to stay away from the water.

However, this realization will be at a point when the kids are bigger and more co-ordinated to get away from a rogue wave/whatever danger.

The other fact is that this legend is passed down from generation to generation, which is a sign that it’s effective.

Re: How Inuit Parents Teach Kids To Control Their Anger (2019)

#17

Post by lukan »

082349872349872 wrote: post #3

I'm with the Inuit and Jedi on this one: anger is pretty useless[0], and if you must[1] take revenge, that's best served cold. Sometimes I wonder if the typical Hollywood W-plot, in which the hero's best friend/significant relation is shown partying/getting the girl/otherwise living well at the top of the middle ∧ then killed by the villain at the bottom of the right ∨, after which the hero gets angry and wins the da…

Anger is useful in a way, that it gives energy and overcomes paralyzing fear. When you are in a survival fight with no way to escape, anger can make all the difference - otherwise we would not have evolved it. But sure, it is way way better, to not be in a situation where anger is the last resort - and in all normal (social) situations, anger is dangerous. The idea is is to be in control of your body - and not your emotions controlling you.

So I am with the Inuit with this approach:

"When they're little, it doesn't help to raise your voice," she says. "It will just make your own heart rate go up."

When you meet anger with anger, the fire only goes stronger.

Children mainly learn by observing the elders. If they resolve their conflicts with anger - they will mimic it. If they see the elders being calm, that is what they will learn. And if they learn, that they will get what they want, if they throw a tantrum - then this is what they will do more in the future. Consequence is key here.

But I am very sceptical about the bad stories. They don't help I think.

What helps is channeling the anger with martial arts for example. There you can learn to feel the anger raising, after you get a hit - but not become blinded by it. You stay cool. And in control.

edit: what works best when my children have their heads hot - literally cooling them with a bit of water

Re: How Inuit Parents Teach Kids To Control Their Anger (2019)

#20

Post by rayiner »

op00to wrote: post #4

I’m not sure lying to your kids about sea monsters to the point that your children are so petrified of the water they don’t go near it is quite as benign as they believe.

It’s almost as children are irrational creatures without fully developed brains and can’t handle the truth.
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