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Losing my son

fortressofdoors.com

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Re: Losing my son

#251

Post by larsiusprime »

exit wrote: post #114

[flagged]

For what it’s worth I draw the line closer to your preferences than you think - we would have stopped the CPR much earlier and let him go but everything happened so fast and we were never given a choice.

He breathes under his own power and is actually physically very healthy. We give food and water and basic care, but he is in hospice and we will not revive him if his heart stops again.

My line is that I won’t starve him to death and I won’t stop his heart myself. That’s my line. If everyone had this line the worst of the horrible lingering deaths from heroic but doomed medical interventions would be averted. On a purely utilitarian basis, I think that would be a world you would prefer to the status quo, no?

I’m sorry I don’t have your exact beliefs. If our positions were reversed I would respect your decision rather than call you names or speculate about your motives in a public forum.

Re: Losing my son

#252

Post by pattesseriedude »

stef25 wrote: post #180
seoulmetro wrote: post #59

[flagged]

> The best thing to do with trauma as a kid is to let it go. Makes it sound like you have a choice. If you could let go it wouldn't be trauma ? A psych I saw told me to "just stop thinking about it" when I told her about my problems. Bitch I'm here for sole reason that I can't stop thinking about it. "Just do x" is non advice.

I’m sorry you had to go through that. I would like to advice that finding the right therapist takes time but don’t give up on finding one.

My last psych laughed at me while I was trying to open up about the trauma and tell him about it in more detail. Some people don’t deserve to be therapists and are probably doing more harm than good to the society. He came as most recommended btw in my city.

Luckily I was able to find a good doctor later.

Re: Losing my son

#253

Post by smeej »

pattesseriedude wrote: post #32

I’m really feeling sorry for both the author and his family. Can’t imagine what they must be going through. When I was 10 my oldest sibling went through a coma and after coming out of it some time later she did some things that my parents were not happy about. My family was going through some things and me being the youngest was completely neglected. I was shoved in a room and my family being well off all the problem…

My story overlaps a lot with yours, especially the parts about never being able to form secure attachments (though for slightly different reasons).

I was stuck for a very, very, very long time until I encountered Internal Family Systems therapy. It has been able to help me heal the wounds in ways CBT/DBT/talk therapy never could (and not for lack of trying).

Re: Losing my son

#255

Post by tsoukase »

My mom died in October. Just today, I managed to open up memories through searching her stuff. The thought of the day was that a single kid covers and, literally, can wipe out all the generations that precede. Then, I read this post and the second thought was that this happens because of the parent that lies between.

Re: Losing my son

#256

Post by larsiusprime »

demondemidi wrote: post #154
exit wrote: post #114

[flagged]

The tube feeding and pain meds are artificial life support measures in my mind. But then again I’ve never had a child or experienced anything remotely like this so it is easy to be glib and pick on logic. I’m in my sixth decade so I’m petty sure I’d feel the same way you do. I would not want to have a living altar, that term just made my jaw drop after such beautiful articulation.

We are different people. We draw the line in different places. All such lines are ultimately arbitrary. Please don’t judge me for drawing it in a slightly different place than you do; my position is likely closer to yours than you think and I’d appreciate not being judged on a public forum for not being 100% in agreement with you.

Re: Losing my son

#257

Post by klondike_klive »

mckn1ght wrote: post #120
Jare wrote: post #110

Earlier quoted context omitted.

This is an amazing writeup. I have lived the past 10 years in a situation with many parallels to yours, and at the same time unimaginably different. When you say "It's not hard" you hit on one of the things I've always found difficulty to tell people. It's not hard, because it's the only thing to do. That certainty means it's painful, tiring, and many other things; but not hard. My experience is that it only becomes…

> contemplate alternatives, imagine things being different, or daydream of a different life I lost my mother over 23 years ago, and one of the the hardest things for the longest while was anytime I would travel somewhere amazing, whether a city or country or the top of a mountain, knowing I'm seeing something she never saw, but might have, and what a kick she'd get out of it. It's always been in the back of my mind.…

My hands have similarities to both my mother and father who both died recently. When I'm stroking my 5 year old's face as he falls asleep (and he takes bloody ages to fall asleep) I like to think I'm giving them a chance to touch the grandson that they knew all too briefly.

(Great job autocorrect - almost changed "stroking" to "striking" there!)

Re: Losing my son

#258

Post by smeej »

TheRealDunkirk wrote: post #203
smeej wrote: post #166

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> it is impossible to feel sorrow and gratitude at the same time. This is very much the opposite of my experience. Being grateful even for the losses that have brought the most sorrow, the two things at the very same time, has ripped me apart, but it's also been the only way through. ETA: I say this not to contradict you or deny your experience. I say it in case other people are thinking their experience might need t…

> Being grateful even for the losses that have brought the most sorrow, the two things at the very same time, has ripped me apart, but it's also been the only way through. Whether or not you express this sentiment as a Christian, this is a core tenet of the teachings. Despite being reminded of this by a close counselor in the beginning of my own tragedy, I have yet to fully come to terms with it. I know I need to, an…

I do express it as a Christian, and I don't believe I could any other way. After losing my sister and my nephew six years ago (today would have been her 36th birthday, actually), I tried mightily to come up with any other way through, and it just didn't, couldn't, happen.

There's a line at the end of the book A Song for Nagasaki where he says, "For all that has been, thank you. To all that will be, yes."

I think the journey of my life of faith is one of coming to mean that.

Peace to you.

Re: Losing my son

#259

Post by enticeing »

andrepd wrote: post #156

Off-topic, but > I now have one and only one job, which is working on real estate mass appraisal valuation technology for the purposes of accurately and credibly measuring the value of land separately from buildings and improvements. This is the kind of straightforward, steady, stable, boring work that I need to support my family right now. It also conveniently lines up with my niche interests [Georgism and LVT]. Is…

Looks like this (https://www.valuebase.co/) from further up

Re: Losing my son

#260

Post by 1970-01-01 »

>What We're In For

A bit too pessimistic if one is also in the 'AI will change our future' camp. The possibility of a hospice robot is much greater than zero in the next 20 years.

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