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Losing my son

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Re: Losing my son

#221

Post by chefandy »

apwell23 wrote: post #176
totetsu wrote: post #163

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Find some things in your life to be grateful for and dwell on them, it is impossible to feel sorrow and gratitude at the same time. Any advice on how to do this one. Recently I have been Noticing how no matter how many Good things I do in a year once they’re over they don’t really bring positive feelings the same way that the bad things pop up and make them selves dwelled upon.

There is really no tricks to do this, anyone who says otherwise is lying. We are not designed to "feel happy" we are designed to reproduce successfully . Don't strive to be happy all the time. I am sure even dalai lama has a nagging inner voice thats harshing his buzz all the time. All the stuff these folks preach is just entertainment. Inner voice has been conditioned by evolution, food, famine, floods, climate, cul…

That’s weirdly reductive. The point isn’t to feel persistently happy—happiness is fleeting— it's to not feel hopeless and inconsolably miserable. I’m chemically prone to depression— diagnoses and everything— and even at my most depressed I’ll still feel moments of happiness. It’s the pervasive lack of hope, vitality, and the ability to see what’s good in your life that’s dangerous. Feeling grateful might not be a silver bullet for being in this mental state, but trying to more objectively view your situation in context and recognizing the good parts is an important part of grounding yourself when your perspective is skewed by depression.

Re: Losing my son

#222

Post by em-bee »

totetsu wrote: post #163
HlessClaudesman wrote: post #127

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Hey Lars. Thanks for sharing your story, so many of us are in a similar situations but dealing with it in isolation. After more than a decade of being a carer I can offer you the following: Take care of yourself and your partner. Get some outside help if you can so you can take some breaks. Find things that bring you joy, treat yourself. Try and help your daughters process things and come away better people for the e…

> Find some things in your life to be grateful for and dwell on them, it is impossible to feel sorrow and gratitude at the same time. Any advice on how to do this one. Recently I have been Noticing how no matter how many Good things I do in a year once they’re over they don’t really bring positive feelings the same way that the bad things pop up and make them selves dwelled upon.

i try to focus on positive experiences. that can mean trying to think of a positive memory or daydream about something, but usually it is immersing myself in a game or watch a movie, or listen or a story or audio drama, or writing.

one thing about writing vs daydreaming. daydreaming tends to have a bad reputation: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Daydream#Benefits_and_costs but to me, a daydream is just a story not written down. when i focus on daydreaming i am literally doing the same thing as when i am focusing on writing a story.

i also write down positive experiences so i can revisit them if i feel the need (although i never do that. it's enough for me to know that the memory is saved)

you could try listening to entertaining podcasts if you want something to distract you while doing other work.

another thing that i found when i miss someone, is that drawing them lets me feel closer to them. if you want to try that but worry about your drawing skills, i recommend taking a photo of that person, break it down into small rectangles and then reconstruct the photo one rectangle at the time. that ensures you get the proportions right even if you don't have any drawing skills and you won't get frustrated that your drawing looks wrong.

Re: Losing my son

#224

Post by imetatroll »

I lost my first son five years ago. For me it permanently damaged - or a least thus far - has damaged my ability to return to a state of "normal", leaving me feeling more acutely aware of the accumulated emotional wounds that life inflicts while simultaneously slipping a veil between living and me. It was fast. One morning he was there and that night he was not.

To have ones child trapped in a state between life and death is a darkness that I am not sure I could endure. It is good to see that his family is so loving of one another and, I suppose, that he has such strong faith because ... I just cannot ... that cycle of pain that is most acute for months and months after your child is gone would spring on you every morning as the panic sets in, every time you step in and out of their room, every time you feed them, preventing any form of healing whatsoever. For me it would in any case. I cannot express it properly. It is a tragedy and I think that he may well be in a state of shock that he will not even be able to recognize as such for a long time to come.

Re: Losing my son

#225

Post by spookybones »

I commend this person for his capacity to write under such duress and depression. I have experienced my own tragedies over the years and during such times I can only escape.

Re: Losing my son

#226

Post by don_neufeld »

khaledh wrote: post #213
larsiusprime wrote: post #48

I have to say I'm really humbled to suddenly see this on the front page. Today was a particularly hard day; I won't go into details but taking care of a permanently disabled invalid involves a lot of ups and downs and some fairly messy manual labor to keep them comfortable and in good shape. I love you all. Hug your kids if you have em. EDIT: The above blog post here was one of three things I wrote in the immediate a…

My son has a severe intellectual disability, he's non verbal, still wears diapers (age 12), and requires assistance in almost every aspect of his life. I still remember the day we received his diagnosis 9 years ago. The word "devastating" can only describe a small part of what we felt. Today, I consider him a gift from God. He made everything fall into perspective. His purity and unconditional love brings us tremendo…

My son turned 18 this week, and his condition is similar, with additional physical limitations (severe CP via PVL)

Parenting him has been the hardest thing I’ve ever done, but there have also been moments of joy.

Hang in there, take care of yourself, and get as much help as you can. Being a carer is a huge job.

I wrote a little here: https://x.com/dnf/status/1746775939961528693?s=20

Re: Losing my son

#227

Post by thicknavyrain »

zeven7 wrote: post #118
adverbly wrote: post #12

This is absolutely gut-wrenching. Lars is an absolutely incredible thinker with a polymath-like range. - He has done great professional work as a software developer - He has pushed forward arguably one of the best economic policies for modern times(land value tax) through both a startup[1], and writing[2]. I particularly like his interview with Dwarkesh Patel[3] - He contributes core thinking to rationalist communiti…

> The two most impactful thinkers/writers in my life I am not familiar with the author, but after reading this article I am interested in learning more him and his other thoughts. Can you provide a good starting place for reading material? Specifically something that you feel affected your life.

Land is a Big Deal is a great place to start (and his three articles summarising Georgism for SSC, also on his substack named after Henry George's book "Progress and Poverty", which contain much of the same content).

Re: Losing my son

#228

Post by spog314 »

larsiusprime wrote: post #48

I have to say I'm really humbled to suddenly see this on the front page. Today was a particularly hard day; I won't go into details but taking care of a permanently disabled invalid involves a lot of ups and downs and some fairly messy manual labor to keep them comfortable and in good shape. I love you all. Hug your kids if you have em. EDIT: The above blog post here was one of three things I wrote in the immediate a…

I sent few suggestions to your email leveluplabs@gmail.com. Is this the best email to reach you?

Re: Losing my son

#229

Post by aaronsimpson »

zeven7 wrote: post #118
adverbly wrote: post #12

This is absolutely gut-wrenching. Lars is an absolutely incredible thinker with a polymath-like range. - He has done great professional work as a software developer - He has pushed forward arguably one of the best economic policies for modern times(land value tax) through both a startup[1], and writing[2]. I particularly like his interview with Dwarkesh Patel[3] - He contributes core thinking to rationalist communiti…

> The two most impactful thinkers/writers in my life I am not familiar with the author, but after reading this article I am interested in learning more him and his other thoughts. Can you provide a good starting place for reading material? Specifically something that you feel affected your life.

I don't know about the previous author or if it's even his best, but I learned about Lars through a Slate Star Codex guest post 2-3 years ago. https://www.astralcodexten.com/p/does-georgism-work-is-land-...

Re: Losing my son

#230

Post by thenerdhead »

larsiusprime wrote: post #48

I have to say I'm really humbled to suddenly see this on the front page. Today was a particularly hard day; I won't go into details but taking care of a permanently disabled invalid involves a lot of ups and downs and some fairly messy manual labor to keep them comfortable and in good shape. I love you all. Hug your kids if you have em. EDIT: The above blog post here was one of three things I wrote in the immediate a…

Can I send you a book? My email is on my website in my bio but I cannot find a way to contact you to ask.
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