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Losing my son

fortressofdoors.com

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Re: Losing my son

#151

Post by krzat »

jongjong wrote: post #75

> And honestly, at this point crying feels good. Crying isn't really when I feel like I'm suffering the most Although I have not experienced anything even remotely as horrible as what the author has, I can still relate to this. I've been exposed to enough frustration and injustice over long enough periods of time that I can't cry about anything anymore. Last time I cried, I must have run out of tears mid-way through…

Crying is the appropriate response to pain, much much better than drinking, getting numb or pretending that everything is ok.

The trick is to not feel ashamed or weak for doing this, just cry and appreciate the relief it gives.

Re: Losing my son

#152

Post by sgu999 »

> The doctors initially thought he would quickly die after being taken off the ventilator, but he has persisted for about a month now.

Doctors can think whatever but because most of them will prefer legality over morality anyway, they leave everyone to suffer and move on to the next patient. Then you're left to care and wait, oscillating in-between hoping that your loved one dies soon or that some miracle happens. In my case it was someone who had made very clear that they didn't want to remain in case of a catastrophic event like this.

Having a strong stance on euthanasia without having experienced first-hand what it actually means is – in my opinion – just a symptom of a clear lack of empathy, dismiss any politician who does.

Re: Losing my son

#153

Post by cristeigabriel »

exit wrote: post #114

[flagged]

Seconded. For reference, I have experience with this kind of scenario first hand (helping care, and living with, somebody with dementia combined with complete immobility and many other things making the quality of life for absolutely everybody involved worse). I hope that with time we become more comfortable with euthanasia, most of us in the scenario found it to be the right choice, but society goes against it.

Re: Losing my son

#154

Post by demondemidi »

exit wrote: post #114

[flagged]

The tube feeding and pain meds are artificial life support measures in my mind. But then again I’ve never had a child or experienced anything remotely like this so it is easy to be glib and pick on logic. I’m in my sixth decade so I’m petty sure I’d feel the same way you do. I would not want to have a living altar, that term just made my jaw drop after such beautiful articulation.

Re: Losing my son

#155

Post by gorjusborg »

tibbydudeza wrote: post #102

The lingering life-death. We dealt with this when my in-laws were in car accident, and my mother-in-law ended up in a coma - one day she was semi-conscious and still talking and then she just slipped away after series of micro strokes. We all relieved when she passed - we buried her husband a few days before and were in a state of limbo as we waited as there was no hope of recovery - they did the DNR.

The lingering is the part that struck me too. Went through similar with my mother and ALS. It was hard witnessing her slowly die over months, while also having her witness our reactions, fully aware.

It is strange and cruel to have to mourn the loss of someone when they are still present.

Re: Losing my son

#156

Post by andrepd »

Off-topic, but

> I now have one and only one job, which is working on real estate mass appraisal valuation technology for the purposes of accurately and credibly measuring the value of land separately from buildings and improvements. This is the kind of straightforward, steady, stable, boring work that I need to support my family right now. It also conveniently lines up with my niche interests [Georgism and LVT].

Is there a link regarding this? I'd like to know more about this project.

Re: Losing my son

#158

Post by amykhar »

larsiusprime wrote: post #48

I have to say I'm really humbled to suddenly see this on the front page. Today was a particularly hard day; I won't go into details but taking care of a permanently disabled invalid involves a lot of ups and downs and some fairly messy manual labor to keep them comfortable and in good shape. I love you all. Hug your kids if you have em. EDIT: The above blog post here was one of three things I wrote in the immediate a…

Lars, I opened this comment box because I have been through some of what you are going through. I hoped to offer you some comfort. However, as I try to type this, I realize I cannot. Ambigous grief is a bitch. There are no platitudes I can offer. I am sorry you are going through this.

Re: Losing my son

#159

Post by rand0m4r »

m0rissette wrote: post #67

My son passed May 10 2018; I was drunk from May 11 2018 until sometime in 2022 with struggles off and on. I’d love to chat about the insane level of grief I experienced and maybe help or just listen. Come find me if you’d like.

My 23 year old son passed away in march 2021 - this is exactly what i've been living. Stay strong.

Re: Losing my son

#160

Post by Angostura »

larsiusprime wrote: post #48

I have to say I'm really humbled to suddenly see this on the front page. Today was a particularly hard day; I won't go into details but taking care of a permanently disabled invalid involves a lot of ups and downs and some fairly messy manual labor to keep them comfortable and in good shape. I love you all. Hug your kids if you have em. EDIT: The above blog post here was one of three things I wrote in the immediate a…

I'm not emotional man, but the post made me tear up. Thank you for writing this I found it insightful compassionate and educational. I wish you all the best.
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