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Losing my son

fortressofdoors.com

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Re: Losing my son

#131

Post by m0rissette »

WiSaGaN wrote: post #122
m0rissette wrote: post #97

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Coming up on the 6th anniversary of his death; my wife and I are separated and going through a divorce. I’d like to say it is all my fault because I am still emotionally unavailable but it takes two. As for advice I think as we all relationships, communication is key. I dropped the ball here because honestly the first year I only got out of bed to go to the liquor store. Year two, I drained my retirement to live whil…

Thank you for your answer.

I’ve found after years of trying to escape all that I’ve lost. Talking about it helps the most.

You can see the PTSD and anxiety still has me up at 4:16am, I still don’t sleep well. I’m still healing and I imagine I may never fully heal but I do have hope that one day I will be better and have grown immensely through the experience but even today I have survivors guilt for being at work instead of home.

Re: Losing my son

#132

Post by malteof »

appplication wrote: post #71

The Buddhists were right about something. Life is suffering. I gotta stop writing here before I get too nihilistic. The posted article and some of the stories here are tragic. I wish I had something better to say.

Well, the Buddhists are more optimistic than that! They have lots of techniques and ways of thinking to reduce suffering. I recommend reading up on their life philosophy, they’re far from nihilists.

Re: Losing my son

#133

Post by [deleted] »

larsiusprime wrote: post #48

I have to say I'm really humbled to suddenly see this on the front page. Today was a particularly hard day; I won't go into details but taking care of a permanently disabled invalid involves a lot of ups and downs and some fairly messy manual labor to keep them comfortable and in good shape. I love you all. Hug your kids if you have em. EDIT: The above blog post here was one of three things I wrote in the immediate a…

[deleted]

Re: Losing my son

#134

Post by grimblee »

Hello,

I felt deeply moved by your story.

My first born (and only kid) just birthed with a genetic mutation, very random one that may at any point in his life manifest in various degree of danger for his life.

I don't know what tomorrow has for me but your story made me think about this deep fear of one day losing him.

And at the same time I know 100 years ago we wouldn't even have noticed it until too late, at least now we can monitor and try to prevent danger...

Courage to you and your wife. I can't fathom but I can feel sympathy to your situation.

Re: Losing my son

#135

Post by protoman3000 »

I’m sorry for your situation.

Having gone myself as a 5 year old sibling through something like this I wish to stress this:

Don’t let your other children become chronically mentally ill, send them to the psychotherapist and counselor and do that for years. You can’t imagine the amount of suffering they will have untreated. This is not something that you can just outlive and your children are dependent on you supporting them by giving them support from somebody who actually can support them. The scar of this trauma will run many many years, make them extremely vulnerable and can render them with a full blown disability.

You can prevent this. Don’t let other people who have no idea shame you for seeking help for this.

Re: Losing my son

#136

Post by andy_ppp »

This interview with Rob Delany about the death of his 2 year old is heart breaking. His book is also very good. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MP7waDOo210

I want to say all the usual clichéd things like I'm sorry for your loss but it feels like nothing even comes close to being helpful. I hope you find a way through.

Re: Losing my son

#137

Post by davedx »

larsiusprime wrote: post #53
mise_en_place wrote: post #49

The cruelest thing of all is that, technically speaking, his son is still alive. I’d imagine this to be far more torturous. I have lost many close family members, but they all lost their biological lives. This just seems to be one of the worst experiences you could go through.

People are downvoting you, but yes, his situation is worse than death in a sense. In some ways it's a comfort to still have what's left of him with me, in other ways it's worse. I definitely have a DNR in place for myself. I have complicated feelings about... well, everything, which I did my best to exorcise in this piece I posted a few days ago: https://www.fortressofdoors.com/four-magic-words/

I read Four Magic Words and shared it with some friends. Thanks for writing, and I wish you and your family the very best.

Re: Losing my son

#138

Post by taopai »

pattesseriedude wrote: post #32

I’m really feeling sorry for both the author and his family. Can’t imagine what they must be going through. When I was 10 my oldest sibling went through a coma and after coming out of it some time later she did some things that my parents were not happy about. My family was going through some things and me being the youngest was completely neglected. I was shoved in a room and my family being well off all the problem…

I can't give medical advice, so I'll give none.

A user recommended the use of psychedelics, I wouldn't.

But try investigating recent literature regarding to MDMA and assisted therapy (with a professional) to treat and manage PTSD. If you are able to find a professional who is up to it, it could be something to consider. Is not a magic pill, but it can catalyze great results provided it's deeply integrated in therapy.

Re: Losing my son

#139

Post by fasteo »

larsiusprime wrote: post #48

I have to say I'm really humbled to suddenly see this on the front page. Today was a particularly hard day; I won't go into details but taking care of a permanently disabled invalid involves a lot of ups and downs and some fairly messy manual labor to keep them comfortable and in good shape. I love you all. Hug your kids if you have em. EDIT: The above blog post here was one of three things I wrote in the immediate a…

>>> We take this burden gladly.

This. I'm in a much less tragic situation with an intellectually disabled kid. After all the struggles to diagnose, potentially treat, and finally accept his - our - fate, the whole ordeal ended abruptly with this very same sentence. I am at peace now taking care of my kid.

Re: Losing my son

#140

Post by davedx »

borlanco wrote: post #123
larsiusprime wrote: post #53

Earlier quoted context omitted.

People are downvoting you, but yes, his situation is worse than death in a sense. In some ways it's a comfort to still have what's left of him with me, in other ways it's worse. I definitely have a DNR in place for myself. I have complicated feelings about... well, everything, which I did my best to exorcise in this piece I posted a few days ago: https://www.fortressofdoors.com/four-magic-words/

This reads like Asimov. Thank you!

Yeah, I also got vibes of my favourite sci fi authors when reading it.
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