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Losing my son

fortressofdoors.com

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Re: Losing my son

#121

Post by mckn1ght »

larsiusprime wrote: post #48

I have to say I'm really humbled to suddenly see this on the front page. Today was a particularly hard day; I won't go into details but taking care of a permanently disabled invalid involves a lot of ups and downs and some fairly messy manual labor to keep them comfortable and in good shape. I love you all. Hug your kids if you have em. EDIT: The above blog post here was one of three things I wrote in the immediate a…

For the last year my father has been in a similar state, after suffering a massive stroke. You articulated some of my feelings in a beautiful way, even though our circumstances are quite different. Thank you. I wish you peace and joy.

Re: Losing my son

#122

Post by WiSaGaN »

m0rissette wrote: post #97
WiSaGaN wrote: post #74

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I've come to understand that parents who have lost a child often face significant challenges in maintaining their relationship. Could you offer advice for such parents, both for before and after experiencing this tragic event, on how they can stay united and prevent further losses in their lives? Additionally, are there circumstances where it might be healthier for them not to stay together?

Coming up on the 6th anniversary of his death; my wife and I are separated and going through a divorce. I’d like to say it is all my fault because I am still emotionally unavailable but it takes two. As for advice I think as we all relationships, communication is key. I dropped the ball here because honestly the first year I only got out of bed to go to the liquor store. Year two, I drained my retirement to live whil…

Thank you for your answer.

Re: Losing my son

#123

Post by borlanco »

larsiusprime wrote: post #53
mise_en_place wrote: post #49

The cruelest thing of all is that, technically speaking, his son is still alive. I’d imagine this to be far more torturous. I have lost many close family members, but they all lost their biological lives. This just seems to be one of the worst experiences you could go through.

People are downvoting you, but yes, his situation is worse than death in a sense. In some ways it's a comfort to still have what's left of him with me, in other ways it's worse. I definitely have a DNR in place for myself. I have complicated feelings about... well, everything, which I did my best to exorcise in this piece I posted a few days ago: https://www.fortressofdoors.com/four-magic-words/

This reads like Asimov. Thank you!

Re: Losing my son

#124

Post by icehawk »

seoulmetro wrote: post #84
jacquesm wrote: post #73

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Much, much easier said than done.

All hard things worth doing are. What's your point? Don't do anything worth doing because it's hard? I have both said and done. It's better for you than integrating the trauma into your personality and by extension your life.

Your GP feels a bit flippant, regardless of whether it is or not.

Re: Losing my son

#125

Post by boernard »

DeathArrow wrote: post #107

[flagged]

I find it a bit insensitive to tell 'what he has to do' while not being in his situation. I do believe that you believe this and this comes from a good place but I can imagine that this can be quite a sting if he tried everything and then has to read this

Re: Losing my son

#126

Post by arkey »

larsiusprime wrote: post #48

I have to say I'm really humbled to suddenly see this on the front page. Today was a particularly hard day; I won't go into details but taking care of a permanently disabled invalid involves a lot of ups and downs and some fairly messy manual labor to keep them comfortable and in good shape. I love you all. Hug your kids if you have em. EDIT: The above blog post here was one of three things I wrote in the immediate a…

> 17 If it be so, our God whom we serve is able to deliver us from the burning fiery furnace, and he will deliver us out of thine hand, O king. 18 But if not, be it known unto thee, O king, that we will not serve thy gods, nor worship the golden image which thou hast set up.

Thank you so much for sharing this. God bless you and your family.

Re: Losing my son

#127

Post by HlessClaudesman »

larsiusprime wrote: post #48

I have to say I'm really humbled to suddenly see this on the front page. Today was a particularly hard day; I won't go into details but taking care of a permanently disabled invalid involves a lot of ups and downs and some fairly messy manual labor to keep them comfortable and in good shape. I love you all. Hug your kids if you have em. EDIT: The above blog post here was one of three things I wrote in the immediate a…

Hey Lars. Thanks for sharing your story, so many of us are in a similar situations but dealing with it in isolation. After more than a decade of being a carer I can offer you the following:

Take care of yourself and your partner. Get some outside help if you can so you can take some breaks.

Find things that bring you joy, treat yourself.

Try and help your daughters process things and come away better people for the experience.

Treat your son with love and dignity.

Find some things in your life to be grateful for and dwell on them, it is impossible to feel sorrow and gratitude at the same time.

Sending the hugs back to you and yours.

Re: Losing my son

#128

Post by icehawk »

> Nikolas has becomes a living altar to his own memory.

While I cannot fault them for this decision, it is also antithetical to the decision I'd want made for me.

If that happened to me, I do not not consider that me anymore, just some body (and not somebody) that bears a superficial resemblance.

Re: Losing my son

#129

Post by ziotom78 »

larsiusprime wrote: post #48

I have to say I'm really humbled to suddenly see this on the front page. Today was a particularly hard day; I won't go into details but taking care of a permanently disabled invalid involves a lot of ups and downs and some fairly messy manual labor to keep them comfortable and in good shape. I love you all. Hug your kids if you have em. EDIT: The above blog post here was one of three things I wrote in the immediate a…

Thanks so much for having written this. My deepest condolences, God bless you and your family.

Re: Losing my son

#130

Post by NKosmatos »

larsiusprime wrote: post #48

I have to say I'm really humbled to suddenly see this on the front page. Today was a particularly hard day; I won't go into details but taking care of a permanently disabled invalid involves a lot of ups and downs and some fairly messy manual labor to keep them comfortable and in good shape. I love you all. Hug your kids if you have em. EDIT: The above blog post here was one of three things I wrote in the immediate a…

Not many things I (or anyone else) can say about what your family is going through. I wish patience and courage.

Your short story "Four Magic Words" is great and I can see how it's affected by recent events. When I saw the Greek phrase "Η Aνθρώπινη Ζωή Εστίν Ιερά" / "Human life is sacred", and after having read your post about your son, I understood that you have some connection with Eastern Christianity.

Being Greek and Christian myself (but not hardcore or old fashioned) I sympathize with you on many topics and wish for the optimal outcome in your family strugles.

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