Losing my son

Astonishing. Deeply humbling. I cried so much reading it. It’s an important piece of writing.

There is pain, and there is real pain. This is real pain. When life hits you like this, it's important to just endure, rather than escape. Trying to escape the pain can lead to addictions and behaviors that bring more problems. Some people are hit with pain like this and live a whole life trying to escape it, but never do. Best thing is accept, grieve, and continue on. Regardless, you will not be the same person, this will change you. Sometimes life just sucks, and there is no way of saying it doesn't, only time and love can help. However, the sun comes up every morning, and there is a sunset every night.

This is for anyone out there suffering some acute trauma like losing a loved one, or a chronic trauma like abuse over many years. I have experienced both, and it took me over 15 years to realize what had happened and to recover. I originally chose escapism. I didn't realize it at the time, but that's what it was. I was always into something, eventually even substance abuse. Ironically, escapism is how I ended learning to code, which was an escape for me. However, I also ended up being around even worse things and witnessing more death, while living broke and stressed out. This dragged me into even more suffering to the point of wanting suicide every day, but I just couldn't do it. This was a combination of escapism, and being around people with the same negativity as me.

Fortunately in time, I found myself, and realized everything that had happened, and how life can just be like that. But also how beautiful and exciting life can be as well. This would not have happened had I not met certain people that showed me what it means to love, and to be mentally strong. Also, by reading and learning you can find inspiration and love from someone that you will never meet in real life. Regardless, we need support of strong and positive people around us. We are a social species after all. When dealing with death/loss, remember the good times, be thankful for the time we had, and leave it at that - easier said than done.

The sun will rise tomorrow, and you will too. Take care, friend.

Thanks for writing this piece, I enjoyed it. My sympathies for your family's loss.

I feel like the most controversial idea in the story is the one where a four-word deontological requirement's truest and deepest form turns out to be a kind of consequentialist utilitarianism!

I've had a similar situation with a child, and although I won't go into details it can take a few years for it to process fully, and you come out with a different life perspective.

I can't give a lot of good advice as I've had the full emotional spectrum, the world no longer seems real, and at points didn't deal with it well. But that's ok. It's part of adjusting.

Please take it easy, you aren't alone, and if it gets too dark, sleep, tiredness can make things seem a lot worse. Make sure you speak to people continue hobbies, and avoid dwelling on the thoughts.

Keep well.

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