Hacker News Board Hacker News, browsed like a classic message board
Live data from Hacker News

Losing my son

fortressofdoors.com

Post reply on HN
Print view View original

101–110 of 434 posts

Re: Losing my son

#101

Post by debok »

larsiusprime wrote: post #48

I have to say I'm really humbled to suddenly see this on the front page. Today was a particularly hard day; I won't go into details but taking care of a permanently disabled invalid involves a lot of ups and downs and some fairly messy manual labor to keep them comfortable and in good shape. I love you all. Hug your kids if you have em. EDIT: The above blog post here was one of three things I wrote in the immediate a…

Hi Lars

Thank you very much for this write-up.

I lost my 21 year old brother in law to leukemia a few years back. Even though I didn't experience the same severity of pain as my wife or in-laws, I was still there through all of it. I saw my parents-in-law taking care of their dying son, who only a few months ago was a promising ornithology student, and the fittest player on his soccer team. What you wrote resonates a lot with what they said, and what I saw them go through.

Thank you for including the reference to Daniel 3, it has been a source of strength for my in-laws too. My brother-in-law got a lot of his strength from Philippians 1:21 "For to me to live is Christ, and to die is gain."

The love and care that you provide to your son does not go unnoticed or unseen.

One thing I learned from my in-laws' tragedy, was that the grief never goes away, but you will grow stronger in dealing with it.

I will be hugging my own kids extra-hard when I get home from work this afternoon.

Re: Losing my son

#102

Post by tibbydudeza »

The lingering life-death.

We dealt with this when my in-laws were in car accident, and my mother-in-law ended up in a coma - one day she was semi-conscious and still talking and then she just slipped away after series of micro strokes.

We all relieved when she passed - we buried her husband a few days before and were in a state of limbo as we waited as there was no hope of recovery - they did the DNR.

Re: Losing my son

#103

Post by piuantiderp »

pattesseriedude wrote: post #32

I’m really feeling sorry for both the author and his family. Can’t imagine what they must be going through. When I was 10 my oldest sibling went through a coma and after coming out of it some time later she did some things that my parents were not happy about. My family was going through some things and me being the youngest was completely neglected. I was shoved in a room and my family being well off all the problem…

Pattesserie, a bit random but try and do sauna regularly. Start with little. Can do wonders for emotional issue release; can be very intense at first, just be prepared.

Re: Losing my son

#104

Post by collias »

larsiusprime wrote: post #48

I have to say I'm really humbled to suddenly see this on the front page. Today was a particularly hard day; I won't go into details but taking care of a permanently disabled invalid involves a lot of ups and downs and some fairly messy manual labor to keep them comfortable and in good shape. I love you all. Hug your kids if you have em. EDIT: The above blog post here was one of three things I wrote in the immediate a…

Stunningly beautiful write up, Lars. You have an amazing gift.

God bless you and your family.

Re: Losing my son

#105

Post by 9991 »

piuantiderp wrote: post #103
pattesseriedude wrote: post #32

I’m really feeling sorry for both the author and his family. Can’t imagine what they must be going through. When I was 10 my oldest sibling went through a coma and after coming out of it some time later she did some things that my parents were not happy about. My family was going through some things and me being the youngest was completely neglected. I was shoved in a room and my family being well off all the problem…

Pattesserie, a bit random but try and do sauna regularly. Start with little. Can do wonders for emotional issue release; can be very intense at first, just be prepared.

[flagged]

Re: Losing my son

#108

Post by DeathArrow »

larsiusprime wrote: post #48

I have to say I'm really humbled to suddenly see this on the front page. Today was a particularly hard day; I won't go into details but taking care of a permanently disabled invalid involves a lot of ups and downs and some fairly messy manual labor to keep them comfortable and in good shape. I love you all. Hug your kids if you have em. EDIT: The above blog post here was one of three things I wrote in the immediate a…

God bless you and your family!

Re: Losing my son

#109

Post by sakjur »

seoulmetro wrote: post #91
sakjur wrote: post #89

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Suggesting a seemingly easy solution to a debilitating problem someone is having might cause them to feel less about themselves. I believe the point is to offer sympathy to a reader who reads your post and sort of goes “if it’s just that, why can’t I seem to do it?”. I can tell you mean well, but there’s an asterisk to your advice your commenters seem to point out. Your advice might require years and finding a good t…

It's not a seemingly easy solution to let others and your past affect you less... Or it may require taking the steps yourself right now because someone has helped you realise it. Stop trying to protect people from helping themselves. If people don't want to help themselves they are free to. Sounds like all of you are enabling the self-destruction of the above comment. That's something even I'm offended by.

Disagreement is not malice. People taking issue with your suggested solution doesn’t mean they’re trying to stop people from helping themselves or enabling self-destructive behaviors (at least not intentionally).

I intend to leave this conversation here, though I will read and consider any response you might have even if I’m not responding to it.

Re: Losing my son

#110

Post by Jare »

larsiusprime wrote: post #48

I have to say I'm really humbled to suddenly see this on the front page. Today was a particularly hard day; I won't go into details but taking care of a permanently disabled invalid involves a lot of ups and downs and some fairly messy manual labor to keep them comfortable and in good shape. I love you all. Hug your kids if you have em. EDIT: The above blog post here was one of three things I wrote in the immediate a…

This is an amazing writeup. I have lived the past 10 years in a situation with many parallels to yours, and at the same time unimaginably different.

When you say "It's not hard" you hit on one of the things I've always found difficulty to tell people. It's not hard, because it's the only thing to do. That certainty means it's painful, tiring, and many other things; but not hard.

My experience is that it only becomes really hard when you contemplate alternatives, imagine things being different, or daydream of a different life.

Post reply on HN