"That's Why You Don't Have Any Friends."

There could also a be a self-selection bias.

Kids who like to socialize might resist homeschooling even if their parents wanted it, because they want to be at school with their friends. On the other hand, "weird" kids might beg their parents to be homeschooled because school is so painful for them. So it would be too simplistic to say that homeschooling causes poor socialization. It could very well be the other way around, too.

>I just love a good argument, to the point where I would provoke people I barely know into arguments about politics, religion, whatever.

This right here is the problem with "embrace your weirdness!" posts. You're not being weird or unique, you're just ignoring social cues and deliberately making people uncomfortable.

If your weirdness is that you're super into physics or anime or whatever then that's great, but if your weirdness is that you think you're above learning how to properly socialize with other people then it's not on other people to accept you for it.

I completely agree. I don't really think there is any net gain to having people dislike you. I guess the optimal situation would be to do what you like but still have lots of friends from a wide variety of groups like you. It never hurts to have more friends, but it can definitely be a setback to not have any and worse, fall into a repetitive cycle where you constantly vilify people because they associate with a group until you convince yourself that only you are worthy of your company. I know, because I have done that too and found it to be self-fulfilling and self-destructive.

People who do things differently or have a value system that is significantly different to those around them will often find themselves as outcasts as a natural biproduct of how they spend their time and the people with whom they feel comfortable. But this doesn't have to be the case. If you find that you are on your own a lot, that should be a natural occurrence and not something to strive for. I think advising an impressionable youth to look down on others who do conform is a mistake because it could start him down the course of assuming the reason he has no friends is because nobody understands him and that will continue to reinforce itself until he is a all-out recluse.

When I look back at those times in my life that I was a recluse I recognize that people were genuinely dicks sometimes, but most of the time I was just not that easy to make friends with. Socializing is a matter of give and take.

This is a nice story but it makes everything seem too easy and I say this as someone who had a similar experience at secondary school. Even though it has been 7 years since it was over, I still relive it.

I was rarely bullied but I was almost completely ostracised for two years of my life. Before these years I had only a few friends and acquaintances. It's difficult to pinpoint any particular reason, but it was probably because I had truly awful brace treatments and that I was shy to the point of awkwardness; my geekyness and creativity could have been offset if I had been able to socially manouvre. To my detriment, my upbringing at home was fairly traditional and my parents believed that I should 'be a man'. I kept quiet. (They also didn't believe it was worth the money to buy me a school dinner so I could sit with everybody else, or drive me to friend's houses more than a couple of miles away... sigh)

To survive: I learnt to cope with silence, I learnt to be my own person, I learnt to concentrate on my hobbies, and I learnt self-control. However as the weeks passed and I 'stood strong' my actual thought patterns deteriorated. Weird fantasies of not existing or martyring myself crept into my mind, and I began to find it difficult to pay attention to school work or imagine a better future. My grades dropped from A/Bs to C/Ds. I was very depressed, and my upbringing and personality gave me little opportunity to get help. All the time this went on, people washed their hands of me, understanding me to be yet another introverted kid who was happy to be on his own. I suspect there is very little which could have helped me even if I had spoken out.

My point is that: a few days alone is uncomfortable, a few weeks unbearable, but a few months or years is traumatic.

But, I will tell you the upside. The stressful moments in your life generate the person you are. The old adage is true: "What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger." and so one day I lay back and decided I would fix everything.

Few will understand: after a difficult life, all adversity is shallow. "Ethos Anthropos Daimon."

I destroyed my social anxiety. I gained back my self-confidence. I am driving myself like a machine to work and to educate myself.

But it is so difficult to atone, and I am off the beaten track with strong individualistic values, constantly striving to be more. While I can empathise with all that have struggled, who can empathise with me?

I'm a little surprised by all the negative responses you're getting. I and my sister were homeschooled from day one. We turned out fine. We're both gainfully employed, and I'm president of a local community group. :-)

The second half of high school we basically took the "remedial" classes at the local community college. I got almost straight A's.

I remember spending more time socializing with adults than with kids my own age, but I hardly consider that a bad thing. (Today I still do things like play with Lego, so I don't think I was warped by this.)

After some of the horror stories I've heard about public high schools, I honestly worry that I might have attempted suicide at one of those places.