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"That's Why You Don't Have Any Friends."

joethepeacock.blogspot.co.uk

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Re: "That's Why You Don't Have Any Friends."

#21

Post by personlurking »

chriseidhof wrote: post #6

Slightly off-topic, but still relevant: a great quote from Alain de Botton: "Intimacy is the capacity to be rather weird with someone - and finding that that's ok with them." https://twitter.com/#!/alaindebotton/status/1924914438840115...

Also slightly off-topic, but in one of Alain de Botton's videos on Youtube titled "Epicurus on Happiness" [1], he states that Epicurus saw happiness as having 3 components: self-reflection, self-sufficiency and friendship. This leaves the question of 'can happiness be hacked?' to be pondered.

[1] - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=20LTTRQcZ8c

Re: "That's Why You Don't Have Any Friends."

#22

Post by dsrguru »

aculver wrote: post #7

The author's observation about high school is exactly why my kids, by default, will be home schooled. If they decide they want to go to public or private school at some point, I'll let them. Unlike a lot of kids that end up getting bullied, they'll know that their attendance is completely optional. I'm not looking to shelter them from the real world, only the fake miniature society that exists at school.

Do realize that homeschooling has its cons as well. It can certainly provide a better academic education than a regular school if you use more efficient teaching methods than schools do, but you'll need to also expose your child to real people his or her age. If you do this through summer camp or after school activities, most of the children will have gone to regular schools and will, therefore, exhibit similar behavior to children at regular schools.

Regardless of whether your child attends a traditional school or is homeschooled, try to raise your child in a way that promotes confidence and a high self-esteem. Confidence is one of the best preventative measures at countering bullying, and it's very helpful in life. And make sure your child has avenues to make good friends. As this article shows, if that's not happening at school, encourage them to go somewhere where they'll find people with similar interests, be it a gym or club or whatever.

Re: "That's Why You Don't Have Any Friends."

#23

Post by fredericdb »

aculver wrote: post #7

The author's observation about high school is exactly why my kids, by default, will be home schooled. If they decide they want to go to public or private school at some point, I'll let them. Unlike a lot of kids that end up getting bullied, they'll know that their attendance is completely optional. I'm not looking to shelter them from the real world, only the fake miniature society that exists at school.

Lets all hide our weirdness at home. Lets not demonstrate to all miniature societies that weirdness exists in the world and its beautiful. Lets sit at home and wonder why the world is so different from ourselves and loath it.

Re: "That's Why You Don't Have Any Friends."

#24

Post by mattgreenrocks »

jwingy wrote: post #9

Awesome. On a side note, I wonder why this culture of popularity has to be the default in our schools?

Status-seeking behavior is not restricted to teenagers.

Adults grovel at similar idols: money, beauty, fame. They just employ a bit more mis-direction to not make it seem so obvious.

Re: "That's Why You Don't Have Any Friends."

#26

Post by onli »

jenius wrote: post #17
aculver wrote: post #7

The author's observation about high school is exactly why my kids, by default, will be home schooled. If they decide they want to go to public or private school at some point, I'll let them. Unlike a lot of kids that end up getting bullied, they'll know that their attendance is completely optional. I'm not looking to shelter them from the real world, only the fake miniature society that exists at school.

While I understand your point of view based on this one observation, I think this is a terrible idea if you look at the big picture. Whether they get bullied or not, high school is an extremely important time for kids to gain social skills and learn how to deal with people. Dealing with people is one of the most important skills you can have, period. And that often means dealing with people that are being dicks, and…

Totally agree, just want to add that their are different kind of schools and different kind of kids. If your kid really gets bullied, you can still change the school or send them to a fitting school in the first place. Not an ordinary high-school. "Just" have to make sure your kids would tell you.

An besides, even though bullying is unhealthy for the bullied kid, is a great experience to learn how that stops if you bash the right people, how to hack and influence society (maybe not something you want your kid to learn though).

Re: "That's Why You Don't Have Any Friends."

#27

Post by Tooluka »

magv wrote: post #19

Is this a US thing? In Ukraine, no-one is weird. No-one is a geek, or a nerd -- there aren't even equivalent words in our language. Nobody thinks less of you if you're smart, shy, or talk about transistors on occasion. There are no "popular kids", and even the scariest kid in school is not a bully. So, again, what is wrong with US schools?

I'm from Ukraine and I can say that at least in case of one school you are wrong. There was complete pack of school BS - nerds, geeks, alpha's, omega's, dominance games, bullying, etc. etc. And it was a little better than average school in the capital. I wondered at times what it is like in the regional schools... PS: you don't need to call geek "a geek" to bully him ;)

Re: "That's Why You Don't Have Any Friends."

#28

Post by kilian »

dsrguru wrote: post #22
aculver wrote: post #7

The author's observation about high school is exactly why my kids, by default, will be home schooled. If they decide they want to go to public or private school at some point, I'll let them. Unlike a lot of kids that end up getting bullied, they'll know that their attendance is completely optional. I'm not looking to shelter them from the real world, only the fake miniature society that exists at school.

Do realize that homeschooling has its cons as well. It can certainly provide a better academic education than a regular school if you use more efficient teaching methods than schools do, but you'll need to also expose your child to real people his or her age. If you do this through summer camp or after school activities, most of the children will have gone to regular schools and will, therefore, exhibit similar behav…

I think this is the best advice. It's not about avoiding bullying (though that would be nice), it's about being confident despite what other might do or say. Sheltering won't help. Giving them confidence and self esteem (i.e. it's not you that's weird, but them, and you'll find that out once you get out of this town/high school/whatever) however, will.

Re: "That's Why You Don't Have Any Friends."

#29

Post by personlurking »

jwingy wrote: post #9

Awesome. On a side note, I wonder why this culture of popularity has to be the default in our schools?

Always odd to have always realized that the 'cool' kids are popular because they can successfully mimic styles and behaviors pushed on them by corporations and style-makers. Shouldn't they instead be called 'mindless drones'?

Merchants of Cool http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/pages/frontline/shows/cool/view/

Re: "That's Why You Don't Have Any Friends."

#30

Post by tedkalaw »

windsurfer wrote: post #18
aculver wrote: post #7

The author's observation about high school is exactly why my kids, by default, will be home schooled. If they decide they want to go to public or private school at some point, I'll let them. Unlike a lot of kids that end up getting bullied, they'll know that their attendance is completely optional. I'm not looking to shelter them from the real world, only the fake miniature society that exists at school.

I went to Bell High school in Canada as a gifted student, and I can say that I never experienced any kind of bullying - and I was very weird. Everyone was weird. It was great, and very much not like elementary school.

Is that a magnet school?

I went to a magnet school and my experience was pretty good. Sure, there were "jocks" - but their "power" is vastly diminished in a school where kids are sad if they don't get A's. As you said, it's like minded people being in the same place.

Unfortunately, not everyone has access to a school like that.

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