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How Did Polyamory Become So Popular?

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Re: How Did Polyamory Become So Popular?

#51

Post by XorNot »

irrational wrote: post #5

I’m convinced this is the next big legal/political marriage change after gay marriage. Though, this one might be a bit harder for developers. I imagine most government databases are setup to assume a 1-to-1 marriage relationship rather than a many-to-many relationship.

It's harder legally: marriages at the moment end when one partner leaves or dies.

A polyamorous marriage on the other hand would be more similar to the board of a corporation since it theoretically could be immortal through consistently replacing partners.

Re: How Did Polyamory Become So Popular?

#52

Post by lolinder »

fasthands9 wrote: post #34
lolinder wrote: post #23

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Note that Gallup changed the question in 2011: before the question defined polygamy as "when one husband has more than one wife at the same time", after 2011 it was defined as "when a married person has more than one spouse at the same time". That may not account for the slope post-2011, but it's a significant enough difference that it's important to call it out. A lot of people who were opposed to polygamy when it w…

That is a good clarification. From 2012 to the most recent poll it went from 11% to 20%. I realize "moral acceptance" is not the same as "widely popular" but still think it directionally shows a meaningful change, even if its a change from "very rare" to "uncommon".

Yeah, I'd be more interested to see the numbers of people who are actually interested in polyamory rather than those who think it's okay for someone else to do it. 38% of the population believe that gender can be different than biological sex [0], but only ~1% of the population identifies as transgender.

All the data from Gallup shows is that people are increasingly open to alternative marriage arrangements, but it doesn't indicate anything about how many people are interested in those arrangements.

[0] https://www.pewresearch.org/social-trends/2022/06/28/america...

Re: How Did Polyamory Become So Popular?

#53

Post by mr_toad »

ryandrake wrote: post #18
irrational wrote: post #5

I’m convinced this is the next big legal/political marriage change after gay marriage. Though, this one might be a bit harder for developers. I imagine most government databases are setup to assume a 1-to-1 marriage relationship rather than a many-to-many relationship.

There will be plenty of time to fix the code. Like most social change, it will be politicized, fought against bitterly by the usual suspects, and the battle will drag on until enough of the detractors die of old age so that finally another piece of society can move on. We'll have entirely different databases by the time the 1:1 mappings have to be fixed.

> We'll have entirely different databases by the time the 1:1 mappings have to be fixed.

Don’t underestimate how long government databases can linger. Not so long ago I worked with data from a school system than was running on RDB - an old VAX based database from the 80’s. They kept it going on a virtualised OpenVMS system rather than rewrite it. This system was so old that they were using it when I was in school myself.

Re: How Did Polyamory Become So Popular?

#54

Post by SCAQTony »

I thought this issue was settled in the late sixties and seventies. As "hot" as threesomes sound, the result of polyamorous consequences was once considered settled when the early '80s struck. i.e., Drug-resistant STDs and the emergence of HIV. Monogamy can turn into a boring gated garden whereas a threesome is a potential vector threat if not an emotional threat as well.

Re: How Did Polyamory Become So Popular?

#55

Post by giantg2 »

joegibbs wrote: post #16

Is it really that popular? I've never met a single polyamorous person in my entire life, they just seem very vocal on the internet.

I agree - it doesn't seem popular at all. I do know a couple of people who are poly.

I am disappointed there were not better stats in the article. So about 50% say open marriages are acceptable, and about 20% say they've experimented with non-monogamy. But how many are actually in a poly relationship? How does that compare to the past?

They list a lot of movie references to poly relations, but what does that have to do with anything? Is it popular for people to become John Wick, Rambo, etc in real life? I think not. Perhaps they enjoy the idea of being a bad ass, vigilante, etc and watching those movies, but many people understand the downsides and that some fantasies should stay fantasies. The same thing for how many things in porn are great as a fantasy, but not things that the person wants to do in real life. There are many similarities to fantastical ideas that many have of non-monogamus relationships.

Re: How Did Polyamory Become So Popular?

#56

Post by fasthands9 »

hotdogscout wrote: post #46
fasthands9 wrote: post #8

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The data suggests it truly is more popular. The Gallup poll below shows that the percent of people who find it "acceptable" has tripled since 2000. The generational data, which admittedly would be more useful if it was over time, still shows younger generations are more into it. https://news.gallup.com/opinion/polling-matters/313112/under... https://sexualalpha.com/polyamory-statistics/ What data or info do you have…

Because this isn't new fangled, it goes back to the dawn of civilization and in many instances it's standard practice. I oppose the "become" part because no, it wasn't HBO that changed this needle, it's religion. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Polygyny

The link you sent is polygyny, in which one man has many wives who are all his. The woman is not allowed to have more than one partner.

It's perfectly acceptable for someone to write an article on trends in America or New York (it is still called The New Yorker after all) even if something similar existed once and waned in popularity before modern times.

Imagine if someone saw that homeschooling rates were up in the US over ten years. Would you not want people to write on that - because 5,000 years ago technically everyone was taught by family members?

Re: How Did Polyamory Become So Popular?

#57

Post by hnthrowaway6543 »

> How Did Polyamory Become So Popular?

Housing prices. Seriously.

Polyamory is on the rise, and divorces are at a 50-year low[0]. This isn't a coincidence.

Where a couple would have divorced in the past, it now is financially infeasible in many cases. Living with a partner you're no longer compatible sucks, but not being able to afford rent sucks worse. So couples are pulling out all the stops to be not-divorced, including looking for other partners and keeping a marriage-in-name-only.

[0] https://ifstudies.org/blog/the-us-divorce-rate-has-hit-a-50-...

Re: How Did Polyamory Become So Popular?

#58

Post by slibhb »

The article hints throughout that polyamory is just for the rich. I don't have the data but it's not clear to me that the rich are having more non-monogamous sex than the poor.

As far as the concept itself goes, I don't think it's possible to divorce possessiveness from sex. I'm suspicious of people who claim to have conquered jealously.

And then there's children. It's hard for me to see how polyamory won't be a disaster for children. I hope polyarmory is a fad and I suspect it is, just like "free love" in the 60s.

Re: How Did Polyamory Become So Popular?

#59

Post by ToucanLoucan »

hintymad wrote: post #20

I wonder how middle-aged couples deal with the sexual desires. Numerous reports, let alone anecdotes and shows, mentioned that couples with each other for many years lost sexual desire towards each other, while their libido still flowed free. To quote one of such publications: "Sexual arousal and desire appear to decrease in response to partner familiarity and increase in response to partner novelty". I guess it's a…

That's more or less what got my wife started in it, not lacking attraction to one another, but wondering about others. We loved each other to bits (still do in fact!) but we'd only ever had each other in that way. We were curious. Started as swinging, but eventually we settled more into poly with a dedicated side piece for each of us that we have strong feelings for too.

For us at least, it's completely normal to be madly in love with two people at the same time. Maybe even more to be honest, but we're happy with what we have and don't want to rock the boat further. We're still #1 for each other both emotionally and legally, and always thought we'd only ever be that connected to one another. But when it became obvious for both of us that we had "caught feelings" to use the phrasing the kids use, well, we were still madly in love with each other and had less than no desire to split up and all the emotional and financial hell involved with that, so, we have each other, we each have a side piece, and occasionally we even double-date too.

Idk, it's fun. I have two women in my life that bring me joy and my wife has another man that does the same. I'm sure it's not for everyone but I will admit that I find myself wondering how many marriages that end in infidelity could've been saved if the people in them just accepted that it was pretty understandable to not remain completely 100% committed to one person for the rest of your natural life.

Re: How Did Polyamory Become So Popular?

#60

Post by whatindaheck »

Cool to see this getting some spotlight. It’s important to remember that just because you haven’t seen it doesn’t mean it’s around you.

IME you’ll rarely just stumble upon someone poly. There’s usually some community involved which helps keep out bad actors and cool people safe.

Older people tend to be of the swinger variety (which technically isn’t poly iirc) and a little more hush hush.

Younger people in cities are often more open about it. And I’ve seen it more in explicitly queer-friendly spaces. If you come to a certain city in the PNW it’s everywhere.

I tried it for a few years. There’s pros and cons. It’s ultimately not for me.

This is going to be another big fight for marriage equality. New terms will be thrown around but the fight is all the same. Legalize (consensual) love.

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