Every time I turn on FK constraints I wind up regretting it and ripping them out of the schema. Not one time have I ever ran a non-query, received a constraint violation, and thought to myself "thank god, what a relief". Any time I am doing something that could violate some logical constraint, I am probably trying to fix something that is already fucked. The safety nannies simply add insult to injury at this stage. I…
Having to write code that can handle foreign key violations because the DB doesn't check it is a major pain. (we use Cassandra for example, so there is a "foreign key" usually from a PG row to a Cassandra row, obviously that can't be enforced on DB level so application code has to do the work)
As for deleting/updating data, FKs can be a bit annoying, but postgresql for example has two (possibly more) options.
1) The (possibly dangerous) cascade delete, which will traverse the FKs basically for you and deletes them 2) The check FKs (and other constraints) on commit. I.e. instead of checking every delete/update statement causes FKs violations, it'll check at the end, after having done all the delete/update statements if there are any FK violations. (or update statements). Called deferrable constraints.