On the off chance that someone with the means, knowledge, or connections to help sees this, I need stability - not money nor anything physical.
I need piece of mind. I need to have enough energy to be productive instead of being always in survival mode.
I was born in a place where I do not belong. I am not a cultural, a (un)theological, or even linguistic fit. I knew it from a very early age and so I left - 13 years ago... and have been on the "run" since. I've only gone back to renew my passport - physical presence being a requirement.
I bare no ill-will against any individual. Group-think is a powerful phenomenon. Perhaps the most difficult part of it all is being aware of what I shared above. Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to be a little bit less "exposed" if you would.
I've traveled, I've volunteered, I picked up "side jobs" and I've learned. It's just that every time I manage to get the slightest progress towards stability, the waves come crashing down - I've learned to accept that as a fact of life.
"Move away from the waves" - Someone, somewhere.
I long for a simple life. A roof, just enough sustenance, and a basic connection to the internet. I have no desire for anything else. I have found my calling and all I need is just enough stability to be able to work on creating it - which I have been doing for the last 16 months, but it's immeasurably hard to allocate any energy towards it when I'm on basement 2 on Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs. I say this with no hesitation, but I would be 100% content supporting my existence and working on my calling for the next 10 years exclusively. I have found joy. I just need to eliminate the noise.
And so I find myself writing this, for reasons I don't understand yet. Stranded at an airport somewhere in the east of the globe as I have been for the last few months. I have gotten better at acting like everything is fine in public, but when the night comes, there's no escaping the fact that I have been "homeless". Homeless is such a strange word to write since I never really had a place that I can call home.
There's no doubt a price to pay for such privilege, and I'm willing to do whatever it takes, anywhere where I can feel "home."
Regardless of the outcome of this comment, thanks for creating a place where I can share a little bit. It's a bit of a relief to drop the façade even if just for a little bit. Who knows where life takes me next and this comment will certainly be an anchor, a landmark, and maybe even a new start.