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Things you're allowed to do (2020)

milan.cvitkovic.net

71–80 of 228 posts

Re: Things you're allowed to do (2020)

#71

Hiring a physiotherapist is one that drives me mad. I have relatives and friends in real pain and they refuse to spend the £100 to £200 for a couple of sessions of physio to fix the problem. They can all afford it but they doggedly stick to mild pain killers and “it will sort itself out” eventually it may but what a waste of energy for months and years.

Actually they are right. Physio doesn't do shit for the pain and mild pain killers plus "wait and see" is all you got for back injuries. The good part is that it does sort it out but it takes years. It's still a good idea to do some physio for learning some exercises that help on the long run. You'll have to do them yourself from time to time and they relate to exercising the muscles that sustain the spine. Don't thi…

I have had back pain and RSI for almost two years. My situation only got better after I started doing my physio exercises consistently.

I also learned things from physios on YouTube (e.g. Bob and Brad) that made a difference especially with the RSI in my hands.

My anecdotal experience doesn’t scaling with your claim. Of course, each pain is different and some just require good ol rest like you said. But that’s why you should spend the money to hire the professionals at the top of their game to tell you what is what.

Re: Things you're allowed to do (2020)

#73

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Shockingly dancing was not mentioned? Or have I missed it? I’ve encouraged many programmers to start dancing as they are naturally gravitating toward Argentinian Tango which is flourishing with good programming of steps combined with improvisation.

Ecstatic dancing is rather my take. And sometimes people are staring at you .. but one learns not to care.

As someone who has attended over 200 Phish concerts, 80% of those solo, I invite all of you to join in the joy of 20,000 people dancing however they want and fitting right in.

Re: Things you're allowed to do (2020)

#74
I'm glad I've done some of the non-obvious ones like quitting the job, living off savings, trying something new, working in public, etc. Along the way I also picked up learning the value of my time and negotiate terms.

Somewhat related and equally important is to recognize that "there's no speed limit" and you are allowed to go faster:

https://sive.rs/kimo

It was also posted on Hacker News:

https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=32497780

Re: Things you're allowed to do (2020)

#75

Lists like these remind me of how far I have to go as a person. I can and do do a lot of these to the point where I’d say they’re all within immediate reach. However, having the time, energy, and drive to be able to collate this list, self-test it, and weather feedback is totally beyond me. I’m grateful that we have people like the author who are both productive people and also generous enough to gather and share the…

Out of curiosity, do you interpret the list as a list of accomplishments or a goal list?

My interpretation of the author's intent is that it was more to show how much we limit ourselves needlessly due to our own perceptions (however we got them) that such things are "not normal and shouldn't be done."

If I had read this article 10 years ago, it would not have resonated with me as it does today, but I was in a much different mental state 10 years ago. As I got to a better mental state I also started to eschew a lot of the limitations I placed on myself on what I can or cannot do -- don't interpret this too drastically, as many of the limitations I would put on myself were quite strict about absolutely benign and minor things, for example (and also from the article), "ask obvious questions". I was so afraid of looking stupid for not knowing something and also did not handle when I got dismissive responses to my questions at work, which meant I would stress myself out trying to research something I didn't understand well and conceptually had difficulties even starting to grasp, so even though I'd usually get it _eventually_, it was only after a lot of mental and emotional stress and lots of really dumb or bad mistakes (which garnered further dismissive statements/comments). What changed was I stopped being embarrassed that I don't know something completely unfamiliar to me, and instead practiced how to express:

- Here's what I understand so far

- Here's what I'm not certain about and would like clarification on

- Here are the questions I have that I don't even know how to start finding the answer to

- Here's why the questions/clarifications are important for my thought process

When I started framing it like this, I began to realize that the dismissive response _typically_ (not always naturally) came from one of two reasons:

1. The responder themselves didn't get why I was so lost on the subject before and thought I was dumb/lazy, but now they could see my train of logic and understand how I got to these questions/concerns

2. The responders were dismissive because they themselves did not know how to answer these questions and did not want to admit this, and instead decided to be dismissive.

It really opens up your own world and is great for your mental and emotional well-being when you stop limiting yourself needlessly on very basic things in life. Even physically and financially you can improve just by not limiting yourself needlessly, for example, talking about salaries with your coworkers, making counter-offers to unsatisfactory salary offers, asking for counter offers from your current employer if you get a job offer with a better salary.

This isn't to say that you will always be successful in these items, but my experience is the successes tend to outnumber the failures, and even when there are failures, often there's a silver lining from them. (e.g., using salary discussions again, a vitriolic reaction from a current employer I was considering leaving due to low salary/high stress job was scary and hurtful at first, but it made the decision to leave much easier as I saw plainly that not only was it possible for me to have a better paying/less stressful job, my request for counter-offer showed that my current employer really did not care how unhappy I was with my job -- the decision to leave became way easier)

Even just think of a few "out of the box" things you've done in life that worked well for you, I bet you could make a pretty decent list also.

Re: Things you're allowed to do (2020)

#76

Great ideas! Now when I go be a nomad, or go to live with friends, should I bring the wife and kids (and dogs) along too, for the laugh? I have about as much scope of move 1 hour down the road as I do to move to the Moon!

Why do you feel the need to be snarky? If you really wanted you could arrange even that.

Re: Things you're allowed to do (2020)

#77
post #69

> Negotiate for better terms in your job offer [...] Propose a longer vesting schedule to demonstrate commitment Has that worked out for anyone?

Apparently the bar is whether you are “allowed” to do it, not whether it is a good idea.

I put “allowed” in scare quotes because this is yet another article that projects onto others what is so obviously just self-doubt and worries about convention and norms. It’s a real thing, it happens to most of us, but when you realize that there is no spotlight, things get easier.

Re: Things you're allowed to do (2020)

#78

You know those answers you enjoy reading on Stack Exchange, Reddit, Quora, etc.? Someone had to ask those questions. It can be you As someone with firsthand experience at this, I'd recommend not doing this. What will happen is your post will be auto-spammed/filtered, or be downvoted if it does show. I have had even good, relevant questions on Math Exchange be downvoted for not being specific enough or good enough. Tr…

Why? At worst you lost maybe what, one minute of typing out the question? Read the rules and use the search function, you'll be fine most of the time.

Re: Things you're allowed to do (2020)

#79
Things you can also do: nothing on this list. Seriously, a list like this often makes one feel like one is not getting most out of life, but realistically most these things are not for everyone. Good to be reminded about the agency of one's decisions, but you do you.
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