Hacker News Board Hacker News, browsed like a classic message board
Live data from Hacker News

Solitude as the antidote to misanthropy

christopherketcham.com

Post reply on HN
Print view View original

11–20 of 56 posts

Re: Solitude as the antidote to misanthropy

#11

Post by throwaway290 »

hutzlibu wrote: post #10
throwaway290 wrote: post #5

Some of the biggest misanthropes, bigots etc. I interacted with online live in remote villages or even precisely like described, in a house in middle of nature. They never even lived in a big city but they think it's bad, streets are full of shit, every other person you see is a criminal or swindler (and don't even mention immigrants) and so on. The mistake of the author is thinking wilderness is required for solitud…

"But if you meet another person while alone in the middle of wilderness, try not talking to them... you may easily be considered rude even if you really just need a breather" Not my experience. Just nod and go on your way if you don't feel like talking. No person from the woods would be offended by this. (Unless it is their forest and they would like to know who wanders around their turf)

"Nod" is direct interaction/communication and explicit acknowledgement of another human-- the opposite of solitude and definitely not required in a big city.

Re: Solitude as the antidote to misanthropy

#12

Post by trimethylpurine »

throwaway290 wrote: post #5

Some of the biggest misanthropes, bigots etc. I interacted with online live in remote villages or even precisely like described, in a house in middle of nature. They never even lived in a big city but they think it's bad, streets are full of shit, every other person you see is a criminal or swindler (and don't even mention immigrants) and so on. The mistake of the author is thinking wilderness is required for solitud…

>Some of the biggest misanthropes, bigots etc. I interacted with online live in remote villages

By "bigot," did you mean someone who is strongly partial to one's own group, religion, race, or politics and is intolerant of those who differ?

It would be ironic if you did.

Re: Solitude as the antidote to misanthropy

#13

Post by vladvasiliu »

throwaway290 wrote: post #11
hutzlibu wrote: post #10

Earlier quoted context omitted.

"But if you meet another person while alone in the middle of wilderness, try not talking to them... you may easily be considered rude even if you really just need a breather" Not my experience. Just nod and go on your way if you don't feel like talking. No person from the woods would be offended by this. (Unless it is their forest and they would like to know who wanders around their turf)

"Nod" is direct interaction/communication and explicit acknowledgement of another human-- the opposite of solitude and definitely not required in a big city.

While it technically is interaction, I'd argue it's very different than what's going on in cities.

As always, YMMV, but oftentimes, interaction is forced on you in cities and you can't get away from it.

You talk about being alone in your apartment. Many people don't have that luxury. Even though they "live alone", "interaction" is forced on them thanks to paper-thin walls and their neighbors going about their business – no need for them be obnoxious.

I'd argue not being able to get away from the unwanted noise, ever, is what drives people in cities mad.

Re: Solitude as the antidote to misanthropy

#14

Post by hutzlibu »

throwaway290 wrote: post #11
hutzlibu wrote: post #10

Earlier quoted context omitted.

"But if you meet another person while alone in the middle of wilderness, try not talking to them... you may easily be considered rude even if you really just need a breather" Not my experience. Just nod and go on your way if you don't feel like talking. No person from the woods would be offended by this. (Unless it is their forest and they would like to know who wanders around their turf)

"Nod" is direct interaction/communication and explicit acknowledgement of another human-- the opposite of solitude and definitely not required in a big city.

But it is not talking.

And if you want, you surely can easily find places in the wilderness, where you see no one.

Re: Solitude as the antidote to misanthropy

#15

Post by dmje »

As a possible “third way” I’d recommend people try a silent retreat.

You’re surrounded by people, and yet alone. And - in relation to the way you feel about those individuals around you - as brought up by this article - it’s a deeply profound experience in community and compassion.

I wrote about the experience here [0] in case anyone is interested.

[0] https://variousbits.net/2023/11/02/going-on-silent-retreat/

Re: Solitude as the antidote to misanthropy

#16

Post by mlk »

dmje wrote: post #15

As a possible “third way” I’d recommend people try a silent retreat. You’re surrounded by people, and yet alone. And - in relation to the way you feel about those individuals around you - as brought up by this article - it’s a deeply profound experience in community and compassion. I wrote about the experience here [0] in case anyone is interested. [0] https://variousbits.net/2023/11/02/going-on-silent-retreat/

I've done a couple of 10 days silent retreat doing vipassana meditation.

I honestly didn't want the retreats to ever end.

Both times when I returned to my normal life I felt extremely irritable, so that probably defeats the purpose.

Re: Solitude as the antidote to misanthropy

#17

Post by elzbardico »

jgtrosh wrote: post #2

This only talks of an overload of unknown people surrounding you in cities, but surely the www is for many a strong contributer to that sentiment as well.

The internet is absolutely toxic. I can get surrounded by people in the real world with world views, political opinions and lifestyles completely different from mine in a bar, and yet be able to engage friendly, find common ground and so on. But meet the same people on social networks, and the misery is on with a vengeance.

Re: Solitude as the antidote to misanthropy

#18

Post by dmje »

mlk wrote: post #16
dmje wrote: post #15

As a possible “third way” I’d recommend people try a silent retreat. You’re surrounded by people, and yet alone. And - in relation to the way you feel about those individuals around you - as brought up by this article - it’s a deeply profound experience in community and compassion. I wrote about the experience here [0] in case anyone is interested. [0] https://variousbits.net/2023/11/02/going-on-silent-retreat/

I've done a couple of 10 days silent retreat doing vipassana meditation. I honestly didn't want the retreats to ever end. Both times when I returned to my normal life I felt extremely irritable, so that probably defeats the purpose.

Interesting! I feel very emotional and tender when I come back - definitely have to ease back into normal life!

Re: Solitude as the antidote to misanthropy

#19

Post by RoyalHenOil »

throwaway290 wrote: post #5

Some of the biggest misanthropes, bigots etc. I interacted with online live in remote villages or even precisely like described, in a house in middle of nature. They never even lived in a big city but they think it's bad, streets are full of shit, every other person you see is a criminal or swindler (and don't even mention immigrants) and so on. The mistake of the author is thinking wilderness is required for solitud…

I live in a remote village in Australia (well, between two remote villages of some 200-250 people each), and I also grew up in one of the largest cities in the US.

This has not been my experience at all. For example, the people in the area I live now are far more LGBT-friendly, far more accepting of different religions or no religion, etc., than the people I grew up with. This is also reflected in their voting patterns (the area I live routinely votes more progressively than even the most progressive city in Australia).

At the same, they are much more reserved than the people I grew up with. They don't greet me (nor I them) unless we both look up and make eye contact, making it easy to duck your head and just be left alone when you're running errands. (I think this is a mental survival technique for rural areas, because you are constantly running into people you know, and you would lose your mind if you spoke to them all.)

And they never, ever make random conversation with strangers, whereas that was the norm where I grew up. They aren't unfriendly or unwelcoming; they just feel uncomfortable putting other people on the spot like that because it's not a part of the culture here.

I think you are exhibiting some unfounded biases against rural people -- like you have this stereotype of what they must all be like, and now you are unfairly applying that stereotype to people you've never met. It's ironic that bigotry is one of the traits you attribute to them.

I recommend going out into the world and meeting a greater variety of people who live very differently from you. It would help you recognize the shared humanity we all posses and let go of this bitter, insular instinct you have toward outsiders.

Re: Solitude as the antidote to misanthropy

#20

Post by fragmede »

vladvasiliu wrote: post #13
throwaway290 wrote: post #11

Earlier quoted context omitted.

"Nod" is direct interaction/communication and explicit acknowledgement of another human-- the opposite of solitude and definitely not required in a big city.

While it technically is interaction, I'd argue it's very different than what's going on in cities. As always, YMMV, but oftentimes, interaction is forced on you in cities and you can't get away from it. You talk about being alone in your apartment. Many people don't have that luxury. Even though they "live alone", "interaction" is forced on them thanks to paper-thin walls and their neighbors going about their busines…

what's frustrating is it doesn't have to be that way. We have the know-how to install proper noise pollution prevention, yet we don't do that (in the US) because it would cost more money.
Post reply on HN