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How to boss without being bossy

jeffwofford.com

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Re: How to boss without being bossy

#201
post #142

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I completely agree. I rejoice in directness. It's a hard time for people like us to be in tech (particularly startups and small companies), because the culture of extreme passive aggressive is widespread and prevalent. Many people, most people, view direct requests as rudeness or condescension, even though the net result is exactly the same. The worst part of it to me though, is that it can be hard sometimes to figur…

The biggest thing I hate is the attitude that work is something you're supposed to be passionate about. I'm passionate about having a roof over my head, not coding CRUD apps.

I've been on both sides of this. Generally I am "passionate" about my work. I spend half my waking time doing it so I better have fun.

I've managed equally passionate teams. All I'd have to say most times is, "We gotta get this done." And somebody would jump up and say they would do it, because they saw the value of learning it, the value to the team, the value to the organization, or all three.

The last two places I have worked (A non-profit and a mission-based Linux company) have been completely different. Almost everybody was passionate only about keeping a roof over their heads (if that). It is a source of constant chuckles that I found more passion in a second tier ad-tech company than I do in mission-driven organizations.

I think companies have earned this though because of exactly what others have said in this thread. Companies have taken advantage of passion so that now. Say what you will about the ad-tech company they did retreats all around the world, gave us interesting swag and threw incredible parties. The mission driven organizations are like "Do it because you belieeeeeve."

[edited to remove nonsense]

Re: How to boss without being bossy

#202

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I disagree. No matter how much trust there is I accept nobody to tell me "I need you to do ..." or some other direct variant. Fortunately I encountered few bad bosses like this.

This is honestly fascinating to me, so I ask these questions in a curious and honest attempt to understand you more. Do you know why you feel this way? How does it make you feel when somebody says that? Does this stay true even for a significant other? Meta: I upvoted because this is a legitimate perspective and one I think that needs to be shared. For the down voters, why would you down vote this? Is there a reason…

People should put effort in how they convey the message.

If they don't put it, they don't care about you.

A manager who doesn't care how he conveys the message, (or doesn't care how the same message is received differently by his different reports), doesn't care about his reports.

Re: How to boss without being bossy

#203

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Yes, but I think the ops point is that the correct phrasing is report-specific, and trying to get phrasing down without considering whom one will be speaking to is a sure sign of failure

OP clearly said "If you're looking for the right turn of phrase, you already lost", which I quoted. OP is correct that rapport is important - although that's a different thing from what the article is discussing. An exercise for you and OP: Consider being the boss of a team where you haven't had time to build rapport with the team.

Even then, I probably know enough about the culture to make some adjustments. I’m going to speak very differently to a group of blue collar workers whose first language is English than a technical team who have varying degrees of facility with the language. The industry we’re in would further inform the tone I adopt.

I actually spent years doing something very similar to the exercise you’re suggesting, which is what led me to the conclusion that subtle variations of meaning are too easy to overthink to be worth it for anything but prose. Add to that the fact that the differences in meaning are going to be, well, different depending on the background of the person I’m speaking to led me to the conclusion that if I find myself thinking about phrasing for a particular person for more than a few seconds I should focus on getting to know that person better. My social interactions have improved a lot as a result.

Re: How to boss without being bossy

#204
post #91
post #57

I find 'take out the trash' so much less hsrsher than 'you will take out the trash'. The first statement permits the response 'no'. It is clearly an order, with room for agency on the other side. The second statement doesn't permit a response. To disagree you have to say 'you are wrong'. The statement leaves no room for free will. It assumes the authority of the command to be overwhelming. Or perhaps it is a threat.…

“You will speak when you are spoken to” -> Very aggressive “You will be joining the oncall rotation” -> Quite friendly

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