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I’m sorry to hear that. Loneliness is one of our biggest social problems in the world right now and tbh not much is being done about it. Technology is driving us more and more away from human interaction and it’s becoming harder to actual be around people and even if you are you could still be lonely. I think you have to find solace in place you find joy and happiness. Even if it’s just going to the park and seeing p…
It is not a problem, it is a symptom
There I used the search function to find groups of people playing Tennis and Soccer. I then showed up and started making friends/plans/hikings/coffees.
I also found out how I could mentor people in tech and grabbed a coffee with a few people who were late in their careers and trying to change jobs [it isn't a tech city, so people work more like "IT work"].
Also simply going for walks and coffees on the same places ensures you see familiar faces and start conversations!
Making contact with real people is the way - staying in online forums like this and Reddit is the opposite of what you want
However, it does keep me from feeling alone…what I mean is HN is where I am not the only person with interests in the things I geek out on.
I don’t work a tech job. I don’t work in academia or a library. In my meat space, a friend recently said “what’s a pdf?”
So HN is a place where I can say things about regex’s and Borges and black holes and the worst case is losing five karma points and the average case is just being ignored as line noise. Both being better outcomes than the worst or average in my meaty life.
I guess the thing about HN is that it doesn’t operate on exclusion. Sure it’s not for everyone, but it is for anyone.
YMMV and this is not an argument that your experience is like mine or should be like mine. Or even that you should think I am right. It is just a draft of some thoughts I have on this particular Monday morning.
Good luck.
Earlier quoted context omitted.
There are barriers to loneliness that cannot be addressed by the individual experiencing it. And yes, it was poorly worded. It's early and I skipped caffeine this morning because of activity. Regardless, some people might not "fit in" socially because of age, skin color, income, or what have you - compared to the demographics of where they are living. There can be barriers that they simply cannot fix themselves.
yeah, sure you cannot hang out with top models but maybe there is a space for you somewhere.
Yeah I even feel lonely back home with wife and kid. It's mostly about people don't have same set of values and I'm fine with that.
I feel loneliest in a crowd. I have my wife and kids. And I talk to a couple of multi-year friends a couple of times a month. I have little opportunity to have chance encounters with the same people to begin forming friendships - I practically don't go anywhere due to family obligations and work. Best option would be church but I feel like a charlatan there as I'm not a religious believer.
Yeah I even feel lonely back home with wife and kid. It's mostly about people don't have same set of values and I'm fine with that.
Try board games with your loved ones. Ludo, Risk, Uno. It's all great fun and you forget about the rest of the world. Worries at least temporarily go away as well.
I've been doing lots of contract work lately, and even between positions, seem to have a knack for staying busy (regular to-do list of 20 ? items), which tends to mask any sense of loneliness. But on the upside I recently got engaged, and that's helped my social life to no end.
I don't know your exact situation, but a few ideas... 1) Speak up. I had a 100% remote job during the pandemic with an out-of-state employer. Zero chance of any personal interactions. I still managed to make friends with one of the sysadmin guys who was also a contractor. He kept taking my tickets, and over time we got to know each other over email and chat. It made the days go a bit easier. 2) If somebody does reach out their hand, don't immediately swat it away. On another job I was working with a recent graduate whose home was a couple hours away and whose weekends consisted mostly of online game tournaments. I tried a couple times to get him to do something social, but he wasn't having it. Perhaps it was because I was nearly twice his age? I might have done the same thing back then, but have come to realize that people don't change that much if you can just get over the notion that someone's "older". 3) Combining the above, if there's a group that you know does something social outside of work, I don't think there's any harm in asking if they have room for one more. 4) Beyond that...clubs or volunteer work? I've been involved with a couple political campaigns, which was at least a way of getting out of the house and interacting. I think there's also still a Linux users group that meets monthly, not too far from here. What are your interests aside of tech? Depending on where you live, there could be a local car club, biking club, horror movie club, etc.
Hope that helps a little bit.