Ask HN: How many of you feel lonely in a crowd?

Absolutely.

We were lucky enough that we joined at the same time as three other mostly-beginners, and one of the regulars volunteered to run a beginner's campaign (Dragon Of Icespire Peak). It's also a big post-game pub group so lots of chatter afterwards.

I've grew up as an outsider in pretty much every aspect of my life. I don't have any need to fit in, nor any compulsion to do the thing everyone else is doing. By the time I hit 25 I pretty much realized I don't need people to be happy. Being around other people means entertaining other people. For some reason there seems to be no "just existing doing my thing" with other people.

I don't mind crowds, but it depends on the crowd. Throngs of people going to work? I don't feel lonely, I feel isolated. I can feel myself as a dot travelling through a sea of dots.

Maybe it depends on the city. Where I am, crowds of people inevitably afford opportunity for heartfelt anonymous interaction. You can say something very personal to a stranger and they will respond in kind. And then you never see them again.

I'm sure some of them remember me.

This sentence has too many negations even for me.

As a father/husband: having a community (like a church) and a group friends who are in similar life stages as you helps a lot. There were several moments where I felt lonely and they all tied to major life changes (getting married, having a kid, etc.) Once my friend group shifted a bit, we essentially started to do life "together". We now have a dinner with at least one of our friends every couple of weeks and see each other at least once a week through church or some event.

As a founder: I felt most lonely when things were falling apart and the writing was on the wall that we needed to shut down. It results simply because of comparisons to others. When your YC buddies all appear to be successful and your startup dies, it's important to take time to process death properly. It's like a bad scar that only time will heal.

Is it a recent feeling you're having? Or something old? Anyway, by the way you phrase it it seems like something you don't enjoy. I just want you to know that there are steps to get out of there. It takes some time ( Like, months for the first results and years for the really really good stuff) and big scary steps (yes, like working on yourself and adressing some situations that make you feel like shit) but it is really worth it.

If it's something old maybe you should start therapy and self-help book to reflect a bit about yourself, have a little pump and get the courage to get out there, do fun activities and proactively talk to people. If it is new you should consider recontacting old friends and maybe working a bit less. Also therapy and self-help's never bad. Well, good therapists and diversified self-help.

Good luck pal :) You'll see that even the smallest steps make you feel really better. Just do them often and you'll go far