I'm just thinking, am I the only person who comes to read HN because I'm lonely. How often do you feel lonely in a day?
Ask HN: How many of you feel lonely in a crowd?
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Re: Ask HN: How many of you feel lonely in a crowd?
#2I'm an introvert, but my partner is an extrovert. I guess it gives me a good view of both extremes.
If you are feeling lonely, then perhaps you need to make changes in your life. Watch out where and when you feel lonely and try some changes. e.g. if you work from home, see if you can work from an office at least some of the time. If you live alone, try living in a share house. If you want to share with a partner, then get out and socialize, play a sport, take up some activity where you can be with like minded people.
Re: Ask HN: How many of you feel lonely in a crowd?
#3I just moved to a new city. It’s the first time I’ve moved somewhere without it being for school and having a cohort of people also looking to make friends. I’m a pretty chatty guy that can talk to strangers in a bar, but I’ve had a hard time meeting permanent friends via hobbies or activities (I’m on a rec sports team for example) that could go anywhere. I’m also single so I don’t have a partner that came here with me that is also meeting people out and about. My coworkers are pleasant but I’m not getting friend vibes.
I’m lonely pretty much every day when I’m not at work.
Re: Ask HN: How many of you feel lonely in a crowd?
#4I just moved to a new city. It’s the first time I’ve moved somewhere without it being for school and having a cohort of people also looking to make friends. I’m a pretty chatty guy that can talk to strangers in a bar, but I’ve had a hard time meeting permanent friends via hobbies or activities (I’m on a rec sports team for example) that could go anywhere. I’m also single so I don’t have a partner that came here with…
It's much harder to make close friends once you're not in school anymore. It's one thing they don't tell graduates.
Re: Ask HN: How many of you feel lonely in a crowd?
#5I’m sorry to hear that. Loneliness is one of our biggest social problems in the world right now and tbh not much is being done about it. Technology is driving us more and more away from human interaction and it’s becoming harder to actual be around people and even if you are you could still be lonely.
I think you have to find solace in place you find joy and happiness. Even if it’s just going to the park and seeing people walk around. I know it’s not the same as being around people but I feel you. Growing up I never kept many friends and I when I really needed someone to talk too I didn’t have anyone to turn too, no lifetime friends. Even now at work, I don’t keep many friends just colleagues that I talk too at work and nothing more. I do and don’t regret not expanding my horizons, I do because obv I could’ve had someone to talk to when I need too and be around. I don’t because sometimes I realise that lots of people I thought could’ve been friends probs weren’t good friends, they would take more from me than I would give. So yeah.
I hope it gets better.
Re: Ask HN: How many of you feel lonely in a crowd?
#6I am another one, and I feel like so all the time. Strangely, I don't feel bad about it at all.
Re: Ask HN: How many of you feel lonely in a crowd?
#7I just moved to a new city. It’s the first time I’ve moved somewhere without it being for school and having a cohort of people also looking to make friends. I’m a pretty chatty guy that can talk to strangers in a bar, but I’ve had a hard time meeting permanent friends via hobbies or activities (I’m on a rec sports team for example) that could go anywhere. I’m also single so I don’t have a partner that came here with…
It's much harder to make close friends once you're not in school anymore. It's one thing they don't tell graduates.
I've found it's not necessarily "hard", but the strategies that worked in school don't work after graduating. At school friendships just kinda happen - afterwards, you need to work at it. I struggled for a while, in my first two years after uni and leading up to Covid. What helped me was:
* Joining a very social team in a very social company. This was in 2019, and even though they went bankrupt and we all found other jobs, a few of us still hang out regularly.
* D&D. I'd played a bit at Uni, and once lockdowns subsided I convinced my girlfriend to come along to a local club with me. Now we're both running full-blown campaigns!
* Volunteering. I joined a local food-aid group, and it's been fantastic to have something with a bit more meaning behind it.
Once you've got a few good friends, it becomes a lot easier to make others.
Re: Ask HN: How many of you feel lonely in a crowd?
#8I feel loneliest in a crowd. I have my wife and kids. And I talk to a couple of multi-year friends a couple of times a month. I have little opportunity to have chance encounters with the same people to begin forming friendships - I practically don't go anywhere due to family obligations and work. Best option would be church but I feel like a charlatan there as I'm not a religious believer.
Re: Ask HN: How many of you feel lonely in a crowd?
#9Yesterday a delivery guy asked me for directions and that interaction was my social high of the weekend. So yeah, I'm rather extremely lonely most of the time, but HN does not help me with that at all.
Re: Ask HN: How many of you feel lonely in a crowd?
#10I feel loneliest in a crowd. I have my wife and kids. And I talk to a couple of multi-year friends a couple of times a month. I have little opportunity to have chance encounters with the same people to begin forming friendships - I practically don't go anywhere due to family obligations and work. Best option would be church but I feel like a charlatan there as I'm not a religious believer.
> Best option would be church but I feel like a charlatan there as I not a religious believer.
It might be worth a try. You could just say you're not looking for anything but would love to attend for a bit. It requires a little courage, but you'll find somewhere decent.