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How to boss without being bossy

jeffwofford.com

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Re: How to boss without being bossy

#111

Post by tibbar »

raldi wrote: post #91
rocqua wrote: post #57

I find 'take out the trash' so much less hsrsher than 'you will take out the trash'. The first statement permits the response 'no'. It is clearly an order, with room for agency on the other side. The second statement doesn't permit a response. To disagree you have to say 'you are wrong'. The statement leaves no room for free will. It assumes the authority of the command to be overwhelming. Or perhaps it is a threat.…

“You will speak when you are spoken to” -> Very aggressive “You will be joining the oncall rotation” -> Quite friendly

The first one is, I think, almost a put-down - less a command than a drill-sergeant-like drubbing, a punishment for stepping out of line.

The second one reads as a news report: like I, the reader of the oncall rotation, am sharing the news that your name has come up. (If I was the sole controller of the oncall rotation it might come across a bit differently, as an actual command).

I like the contrast of these two!

Re: How to boss without being bossy

#112

Post by jospag »

raldi wrote: post #91
rocqua wrote: post #57

I find 'take out the trash' so much less hsrsher than 'you will take out the trash'. The first statement permits the response 'no'. It is clearly an order, with room for agency on the other side. The second statement doesn't permit a response. To disagree you have to say 'you are wrong'. The statement leaves no room for free will. It assumes the authority of the command to be overwhelming. Or perhaps it is a threat.…

“You will speak when you are spoken to” -> Very aggressive “You will be joining the oncall rotation” -> Quite friendly

[dead]

Re: How to boss without being bossy

#113

Post by camgunz »

It's not about commanding or asking or whatever, you're not trying to get Siri to set a timer. It's about actual human relationships. Your job as a manager is to help them achieve both their individual goals and your collective goals, in that order. A lot of that is coaching and building alignment, but you also need to tangle with the organization to protect your team. Once you prove to your people that you're doing that, you shouldn't have trouble talking to them.

Re: How to boss without being bossy

#114

Post by goldenkey »

hugh-avherald wrote: post #78
Paul-Craft wrote: post #76

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Agreed. I'm surprised the author didn't explore variations on " we need to..." or "the {org|team|division|company} needs to..." Those turns of phrases are more inspiring than they are commanding.

"One of our valued younger customers had blocked up the toilets with Monster Munch. Now I need that toilet back in play. Let's approach that as a team, shall we? How can we make that happen?"

I call a rapid-fire SCRUM meeting, topic: Monster Munch Lunch

Re: How to boss without being bossy

#117

Post by bluenose69 »

Every team has a way of expressing things. Teams exist in communities that, again, have particular ways of expressing things.

In my work environment (in my community) the typical expression is "Could you please". This is clear and nobody takes offence. More importantly, it invites a response. Perhaps the person is already busy doing something else. Perhaps they lack the skill to accomplish the task. Asking instead of telling provides the boss with useful information, so it's about more than politeness.

As for the website being discussed, I find the rankings odd. Quite a few of the discussed alternatives don't seem harsh to me at all, and I think they deserve 0 stars. Frankly, depending on the circumstance and the community, even those rated the harshest would be perfectly okay. "Don't stand there" can save someone from losing a limb in a factory. "Keep your head below the horizon" can keep someone alive. It all depends. And a boss who cannot pick up on how things are communicated in a given team is unlikely to be of much use.

Re: How to boss without being bossy

#118

Post by growingkittens »

yCombLinks wrote: post #65
abenga wrote: post #60

Earlier quoted context omitted.

In this very specific example, I really don't see why anyone needs a checklist, or to be reminded. It's your household too, you need to know the things that need to be done, and do a reasonable share of them. In the more general "team at work" case, it's also straightforward, sit together, define the bucket of work that needs doing, distribute it "fairly", and go do it. The team leader's job is to get and communicate…

That's just not how I view it. Here's the rule. Check if the garbage needs to go out every afternoon. Absolutely fine. Vs remember if this matters -> torture! I can work 100% of the time to make sure the clearly set out objectives are met without complaint. Once it becomes subjective, I would rather not be involved.

I think their point was "why does someone else have to make the checklist for you?"

> Once it becomes subjective

Relationships are subjective. It takes a collaborative effort to make them objective. Subjective is the default mode.

Re: How to boss without being bossy

#119

Post by athreyac8 »

spinningslate wrote: post #102
sspiff wrote: post #96

Earlier quoted context omitted.

In my personal experience, I prefer people saying "I need you to" over "If you could just". The "nice" corner of the chart simply screams hypocrisy to me. Like they want to say or mean "do this" but they try to couch it in some passive aggressive pleasantry. No thank you. I prefer clear communication.

great example that shows judgement, empathy and trust matter. Some people _want_ direct communication: they find fluff annoying, and don't take any insult or discomfort from it. Others find instruction challenging/insulting/intimidating and need softer interaction. A good leader can adjust their style to ensure the communication lands appropriately. Good leadership is largely about emotional intelligence.

According to me this is better than all "Will you take out the trash?"

Re: How to boss without being bossy

#120

Post by deberon »

NiloCK wrote: post #103
somewhereoutth wrote: post #19

Anybody who says 'I need you to...' goes on the list, even if they are not actually talking to me myself. But more seriously: Ensure people know what and why something is important, ideally by arriving at that conclusion jointly and as part of an overarching plan that everyone can feel involved in - thus requests shouldn't be a surprise, they aren't coming from you so much as from the plan (nebulous though it may be)…

> Anybody who says 'I need you to...' goes on the list, even if they are not actually talking to me myself. Can you say more about this? I use this phrase (or slight variations) all the time in both work and personal contexts. I had no idea it could be abrasive.

Not sure how abrasive this would actually be in a boss v employee scenario. However, hearing people order food this way makes me cringe.
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