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How to boss without being bossy

jeffwofford.com

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Re: How to boss without being bossy

#81

Post by Paul-Craft »

quickthrower2 wrote: post #31
IsaacL wrote: post #8

This is a terrible article that rambles on for far too long without offering an actually polite way to tell/request someone to do something. These are the best approaches: 1. "Please take out the trash." 2. "The trash needs to be taken out. Can you do it?" 3. (If there are several people around). "The trash needs to be taken out. Who can do it?" Extra consideration: I'm assuming this refers to a context where there's…

Yeah the there is an abstraction level. Even “take out the trash” is an abstraction. A lot of this minutiae can be handled with coding standards, policies, automated checks and so on. It gets “bossy” when say you need someone to do something out of the ordinary. Take support calls when they usually don’t. That is where emotional intelligence needs to kick in. Depending on culture and context it could be anything from…

Not only is "take out the trash" an abstraction, it's actually the wrong abstraction. Wrong abstractions are the mirror image of "technically correct": they're the worst kind of wrong.

"Take out the trash" is a well known, predictable, and well defined solution to a well known, well defined, and expected issue. If I were your manager, I'm sure you wouldn't mind me saying to you "@quickthrower2, I'd like you to lead the retro next week," would you? I don't want to put words in your mouth or anything, but if you're anything like 97.3% of people I've worked with, that's not going to faze you in the slightest, provided you feel like you have the skills to do the task. It's a checkbox.

Contrast that with "@quickthrower2, you need to reticulate the splines on this project." If "reticulating the splines" is a nontrivial task that doesn't have a well defined solution, that's going to land entirely differently than something like leading a retro. They're totally different scenarios, totally different contexts, totally different expected results.

Re: How to boss without being bossy

#82

Post by chrsig »

gnicholas wrote: post #54
cmclaughlin wrote: post #4

Here's how my wife does it... "Do you want to take out the trash?" My engineer mind interprets it literally every time :) Usually I don't mind taking out the trash... but occasionally I don't really want to. I have to always translate this to "She wants me to take out the trash".

Weird, people usually talk favorably about garbage collection on HN.

Well, it's usually something the environment does for us, not that we do for the environment :)

Re: How to boss without being bossy

#83

Post by JohnMakin »

r7r8f73j wrote: post #67
rocqua wrote: post #57

I find 'take out the trash' so much less hsrsher than 'you will take out the trash'. The first statement permits the response 'no'. It is clearly an order, with room for agency on the other side. The second statement doesn't permit a response. To disagree you have to say 'you are wrong'. The statement leaves no room for free will. It assumes the authority of the command to be overwhelming. Or perhaps it is a threat.…

It might be a stylistic choice, and an Office Space meme, but I tend to prefer issuing certain kinds of instruction in a vulnerable way. So for example "Hey X, I need you to take out the trash." But tone is a little important since if you sound insincere it comes across as condescending.

Some people absolutely cannot be managed that way or don’t hear “I need X” as a request to do X.

Re: How to boss without being bossy

#85

Post by 7952 »

Paul-Craft wrote: post #72
happytiger wrote: post #63

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Managers are leaders are vastly different animals that are often incorrectly conflated.

Correct. Managers handle process and paperwork. Leaders direct, influence, inspire, and occasionally even cajole or prod. It's the difference between a bureaucrat and a bard. The best managers are both, but you definitely want to make sure you're not sending a paper pusher to do a playwright's job.

And you definitely want to make sure your playright can handle process and paperwork. Otherwise leadership is just sacrifice to cover up for poor planning.

Re: How to boss without being bossy

#86

Post by petercooper »

I feel there are so many more ways this would commonly go down.

For instance: "That trash better be gone by the time I get back." – "Trash. Now." – "Don't forget to do the trash." .. or, perhaps the ultimate: look at person, point at trash, raise eyebrows and flare nostrils, or maybe that was just my parents.

Re: How to boss without being bossy

#87

Post by blackhaz »

petercooper wrote: post #86

I feel there are so many more ways this would commonly go down. For instance: "That trash better be gone by the time I get back." – "Trash. Now." – "Don't forget to do the trash." .. or, perhaps the ultimate: look at person , point at trash , raise eyebrows and flare nostrils , or maybe that was just my parents.

"We [all, as a company] need to take out the trash, and it looks like you are the best person to do it!"

Re: How to boss without being bossy

#88

Post by msrenee »

JohnMakin wrote: post #83
r7r8f73j wrote: post #67

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It might be a stylistic choice, and an Office Space meme, but I tend to prefer issuing certain kinds of instruction in a vulnerable way. So for example "Hey X, I need you to take out the trash." But tone is a little important since if you sound insincere it comes across as condescending.

Some people absolutely cannot be managed that way or don’t hear “I need X” as a request to do X.

That comes down to handling every employee as an individual and knowing what they do and don't respond to. If you've got someone who doesn't take "I need X" as a request to do X, you just adjust your phrasing so that your meaning gets through.
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