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Life lessons from the death bed

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Re: Life lessons from the death bed

#91

Post by CalRobert »

gnfargbl wrote: post #55
mrwzy wrote: post #9

"Whether the house we live in is 300 or 3000 sq ft - loneliness is the same" is quite profound.

Is it really profound, though? Or is it up there with live, laugh, love and life is a journey? If a concept like this is widely held to be profound on HN, then perhaps -- and I mean this as gently as possible -- that could be a sign that the average engineer's career is a little too much of a treadmill, and would benefit from a little more downtime.

Well, I think it's valuable inasmuch as it's easy to look at big, beautiful houses as an aspiration, when they won't do much to improve your relationships with other people, which tend to be at the core of happiness.

Re: Life lessons from the death bed

#92

Post by mtklein »

sanderjd wrote: post #37
robviren wrote: post #28

I always struggle with balancing the advice given in pieces like this. The author suggested that they "eat their cake today" suggesting that putting off pleasure is a useless denial. Death could come for us at any moment, but I can't live like I'm dieing every day. There is just a mountain of nuance and self reflection between living some bohemian lifestyle where every moment must be filled with something and some st…

Right! This whole life thing is about striking a balance between "eat your cake today" and "spend your day in the field cultivating wheat to make the flour to make more cake in the future". In every moment of my life there has been some "cake" I could have "eaten" that would have been more enjoyable than all the hours I spent up in the middle of the night with screaming babies. But on my deathbed I'm certain it will…

One bit I find easy to lose sight of is that if I do spend my day cultivating wheat for flour for a cake, to make sure to eventually make and eat that cake, and not just spend all my time getting better at cultivating more and more wheat.

Re: Life lessons from the death bed

#93

Post by [deleted] »

kubb wrote: post #26

I wonder what she means by entering the religious life. As somebody who was raised Catholic, I don’t believe there was ever a moment where I entered that I remember. The religion was present in my life almost since birth. There were important ceremonies like the first communion and confirmation, but those happened in childhood and adolescence.

[deleted]

Re: Life lessons from the death bed

#94

Post by jplrssn »

sanderjd wrote: post #53
jplrssn wrote: post #36

Great read. As with everything, balance is key. But I’ve never heard of anyone on their deathbed wishing they’d spent less time with family and friends, and more time grinding away at work.

I think this common truism is less true that it sounds at first blush. Sure, nobody wishes they spent more time "grinding away" at work. But I think lots of people find a calling in their work, and do indeed wish they had been able to spend more time in its pursuit, while also wishing they had spent more time with their family. Just to take the most extreme kind of example, I think scientists who have really hit on b…

I don't disagree that many people find personal satisfaction in their work, beyond seeing it just as a source of money. I do too.

Your point about time being zero-sum is a poignant one. Everyone wishes they had more hours in the day to spend doing things they like. But the question is about how we spend that marginal hour, and I think oftentimes it is better spent on family, friends or hobbies than our day jobs.

Re: Life lessons from the death bed

#96

Post by hotnfresh »

plasticchris wrote: post #88
ericmay wrote: post #84

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I think for many people, myself included, the worry isn’t “the switch flipped” it’s losing everything and everyone you’ve ever cared about. Life is pretty awesome. Don’t want to give that up for any reason.

What has been lost? You no longer know loss then.

Right, and we won’t be anxious about it then.

But now is not then.

Re: Life lessons from the death bed

#97

Post by SomethingNew2 »

robviren wrote: post #28

I always struggle with balancing the advice given in pieces like this. The author suggested that they "eat their cake today" suggesting that putting off pleasure is a useless denial. Death could come for us at any moment, but I can't live like I'm dieing every day. There is just a mountain of nuance and self reflection between living some bohemian lifestyle where every moment must be filled with something and some st…

Balance.

The extreme of living for today only or living for tomorrow only will mean you are under serving your present or future self. Time is short so it’s wise to give to your present day self. Also you don’t want to rob your future self, so investing in your future is also important. Extremes are easier to manage. With balance you’ll have the choice and its burden to decide between today and tomorrow.

Re: Life lessons from the death bed

#98

Post by pizzafeelsright »

borlanco wrote: post #67

Death is ultimate poverty. You lose everything you have and everything you are, all at once. And this ultimate loss is not avoidable nor reversible. And sometimes it comes without warning. So it's quite normal to fear death. My trick to not fear death too much is this: perhaps in theory I own what is mine, but in practice I just have some assets that were lent to me, and that will be lent to others after my death. I…

Yet someone once wrote "to die is gain".

I hold to this mindset. I no longer fear death.

Re: Life lessons from the death bed

#99

Post by latexr »

sanderjd wrote: post #63
christoph wrote: post #19

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The best changes I’ve made in my life are 1. Completely removing alcohol. 2. Removing highly processed foods and refined sugars. 3. Accepting myself for who I am, faults and all. I can’t change certain things about myself, so I just need to accept that and focus on the things I can change. Maybe I can’t change them today or tomorrow, but I can always work towards future change. And the most important for me of all -…

I'm curious where you picked up the insight about gratitude. It reminds me a lot of insights found in stoicism, which I've long enjoyed reading about. But recently I have been perusing "The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People", and finding that a huge amount of it also strikes me as being just mass-market stoicism. So it has made me curious whether it's a direct influence, or whether it's just a case of multiple…

> I'm curious where you picked up the insight about gratitude.

It’s a common idea (which isn’t to say it’s invalid or wrong). If you’re interested in studies on happiness or living a “good” life you’re bound to bump into it more than once. Quick example: do a web search for “TED talk gratitude” and you’ll find more links than you know what to do with.

Re: Life lessons from the death bed

#100

Post by IggleSniggle »

mtklein wrote: post #92
sanderjd wrote: post #37

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Right! This whole life thing is about striking a balance between "eat your cake today" and "spend your day in the field cultivating wheat to make the flour to make more cake in the future". In every moment of my life there has been some "cake" I could have "eaten" that would have been more enjoyable than all the hours I spent up in the middle of the night with screaming babies. But on my deathbed I'm certain it will…

One bit I find easy to lose sight of is that if I do spend my day cultivating wheat for flour for a cake, to make sure to eventually make and eat that cake, and not just spend all my time getting better at cultivating more and more wheat.

I dunno, I've discovered a deep joy in cultivating, to the point where it has developed into my "cake" to simply cultivate. I don't mind if someone else ultimately reaps the benefits, since from my own vantage I won't regret having spent an extra day in the field, doing the work.

To me, this is the goal; to be able to look up towards the sun every day, sore muscles and sweat dripping, and say, "thank you for this day."

Metaphorically, I mean. In truth I'm a cave-dwelling grug-minded developer.

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