Every thing you just said rings true. I went from 20 years engineering into engineering management, and took my first PM role last year. I took the role at a twenty year-old software company that's never had good product management, and the place is horrible.
Over and over, the staff were pounded with "we are an engineering first company." Well, that means the engineering teams were allowed to do whatever the hell they wanted and chase the shiny newest techs. There's 3.5 main products (really 4.5) each made from a different tech stack. There's another eight or so legacy products we have to support due to legacy demands. There's no inter-operability of standardization between products. Basically, there's no knowledge transfer, so the cost of development is through the roof.
Twice this year, I had to explain to 20 year-tenure engineers that don't understand why it's a bad thing that one API is TLS 1.3 only, another is 1.x, and another doesn't even require TLS.
Customers hate us. For my product, they literally wrote the marketing materials first, and let the engineers figure it out. One stage of my product takes Oracle data and puts it into parquet. The guys who did it did it in three different languages, two other DBs inbetween (MySQL AND PG), and was going to introduce Redis before I stopped the insanity. Everything is fragile and sucks.
Thankfully, PE took over two years ago and we now have an ultimatum to make money or else. We are a twenty year old company that has never made money (we've been a cost center).
Even if we don't meet it, I feel like the Universe will be better off without the travesties against software design that we created.