Hacker News Board Hacker News, browsed like a classic message board
Live data from Hacker News

Children of married parents do better, but America is moving the other way

npr.org

Post reply on HN
Print view View original

241–250 of 431 posts

Re: Children of married parents do better, but America is moving the other way

#241

Post by danielmarkbruce »

ghusto wrote: post #112
denton-scratch wrote: post #107

Marriage is a legal construct; it can provide a level of security (and fairness) that isn't otherwise accessible. But as the laws change, the benefits change too. I think men marry in the hope of binding their partner; fat chance. Marriage gives the partner a claim on a big chunk of the man's assets, so it incentivizes women to divorce their husbands. The great majority of divorces are initiated by the wife. I'm not…

It's mad, no? When I ask people point blank why they're getting married, they just stare at me. Obviously part of that is because I'm being autistically rude in asking such a questions, but I haven't heard any compelling answers either.

Well, it's a naive question. And it shows laziness given the answer can be found at google or chatgpt (https://chat.openai.com/share/a1655efa-05e1-4ad0-97ca-62439d...).

Most people are aware of such things and can't quite figure how to explain it to someone who isn't, or can't figure out Google. Hence the stare.

Re: Children of married parents do better, but America is moving the other way

#242

Post by liquidpele »

foogazi wrote: post #146
liquidpele wrote: post #57

Earlier quoted context omitted.

To be fair, this is mostly a consequence of women entering the workforce. Not that that’s bad, but it’s an unintended consequence that companies were then able to convince workers to work for less because people could survive on it still.

This assumes they competed for the same jobs, is that true ? Why didn’t women entering the workforce lead to growth and more jobs being created ?

Because it’s not about the jobs, it’s about what salary people will settle for.

If a family had to make X to live comfortable before, now you can do so with each of you making half that as long as it adds up to X. People shouldn’t settle for less, but they do even if only a few percent… where before people didn’t to the same degree because it had more immediate impact.

This in turn is one of the several market forces that has contributed to deflated wages.

Re: Children of married parents do better, but America is moving the other way

#243

Post by curiousfiddler »

rayiner wrote: post #231

We should do more social studies research into US subcultures that have significantly different marriage norms than the mainstream US. Mormons and Asians both have strong taboos against divorce, and also have strong rates of upward mobility (i.e. much higher odds of kids from low income households ending up as high earning adults). There is some research supporting the link, but not nearly enough: https://www.brookin…

Both Mormons and Asians socialize children into “do what you’re obliged to do, not what you want to do.”

Wow, that's incredibly reductive. Asia has approx 4.7 billion people!

Re: Children of married parents do better, but America is moving the other way

#244

Post by ndriscoll »

pixl97 wrote: post #230
ndriscoll wrote: post #218

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Maybe, but anecdotally, despite the zeitgeist of the last 10 years claiming otherwise, my wife and I both raised in middle class suburbs of different parts of red-state Arizona both internalized the message growing up that girls not working was an anachronism that only Mormons/Catholics still stuck to (and that it was "oppressive" or weird). It's so ingrained in the middle/upper middle class that people can't even se…

And conversely why is there no counter for men being stay at home rather than women? Other than a few month around the time of childbirth there is little reason for the woman to be the stay at home partner.... this is why I doubt the motivation behind the people saying "oh its just women's preference" since surely some sizable portion of men would also like to have this option.

There has been some progress in that area over the last 30 years; the percent of stay-at-home dads has ~doubled, and now 18% of stay-at-home parents are dads, up from 11% 30 years ago[0]. There are certainly people pushing to normalize SAHDs in addition to calling for gender parity with paternity leave.

That said, women are still almost 2x likely to prefer homemaking[1] even with the social engineering, and I suspect women's preferences are stronger than men's (e.g. I think it would be nice to be a SAHD, and I'd prefer it over outside work, but we probably wouldn't be together if my wife weren't the SAHM). So as a man you have to be prepared to accept that that's how the world is. Someone has to bring in money, and it'll probably be you.

[0] https://www.pewresearch.org/short-reads/2023/08/03/almost-1-...

[1] https://news.gallup.com/poll/267737/record-high-women-prefer...

Re: Children of married parents do better, but America is moving the other way

#245

Post by huytersd »

curiousfiddler wrote: post #243
rayiner wrote: post #231

We should do more social studies research into US subcultures that have significantly different marriage norms than the mainstream US. Mormons and Asians both have strong taboos against divorce, and also have strong rates of upward mobility (i.e. much higher odds of kids from low income households ending up as high earning adults). There is some research supporting the link, but not nearly enough: https://www.brookin…

Both Mormons and Asians socialize children into “do what you’re obliged to do, not what you want to do.” Wow, that's incredibly reductive. Asia has approx 4.7 billion people!

Honestly, this thing holds true for most of them.

Re: Children of married parents do better, but America is moving the other way

#246

Post by DarknessFalls »

curiousfiddler wrote: post #243
rayiner wrote: post #231

We should do more social studies research into US subcultures that have significantly different marriage norms than the mainstream US. Mormons and Asians both have strong taboos against divorce, and also have strong rates of upward mobility (i.e. much higher odds of kids from low income households ending up as high earning adults). There is some research supporting the link, but not nearly enough: https://www.brookin…

Both Mormons and Asians socialize children into “do what you’re obliged to do, not what you want to do.” Wow, that's incredibly reductive. Asia has approx 4.7 billion people!

He said "US Mormons and Asians".

Re: Children of married parents do better, but America is moving the other way

#247

Post by squigz »

DarknessFalls wrote: post #246
curiousfiddler wrote: post #243

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Both Mormons and Asians socialize children into “do what you’re obliged to do, not what you want to do.” Wow, that's incredibly reductive. Asia has approx 4.7 billion people!

He said "US Mormons and Asians".

Technically, no, he didn't; note the period before Mormons

Re: Children of married parents do better, but America is moving the other way

#248

Post by huytersd »

kibwen wrote: post #6

> Kearney says she's not advocating that children live in a household filled with marital tension or where parents are unhappy or mistreating each other. Then what is the proposed solution? Pointing out the problem is the easy part. But if you want more people to be married, and if they're currently choosing not to get married, then you need to either force them to get married against their will (institutionalized sh…

Or you just take away the reason most men don’t want to get married (atleast without a prenup). Get rid of alimony, no child support if the father declines when the mother is pregnant before 3 months, get rid of no fault divorce, cheating by the dependent spouse means that spouse automatically forfeits their share of the money.

Re: Children of married parents do better, but America is moving the other way

#249

Post by em-bee »

pixl97 wrote: post #230
ndriscoll wrote: post #218

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Maybe, but anecdotally, despite the zeitgeist of the last 10 years claiming otherwise, my wife and I both raised in middle class suburbs of different parts of red-state Arizona both internalized the message growing up that girls not working was an anachronism that only Mormons/Catholics still stuck to (and that it was "oppressive" or weird). It's so ingrained in the middle/upper middle class that people can't even se…

And conversely why is there no counter for men being stay at home rather than women? Other than a few month around the time of childbirth there is little reason for the woman to be the stay at home partner.... this is why I doubt the motivation behind the people saying "oh its just women's preference" since surely some sizable portion of men would also like to have this option.

Other than a few month around the time of childbirth there is little reason for the woman to be the stay at home partner.

i think breastfeeding is still a significant factor for the first year at least. working while breastfeeding can be a challenge.

Post reply on HN