181–190 of 276 posts
Earlier quoted context omitted.
I believe you have misread my post. Powers that be continue to want me to not have mind altering experiences. I continue to have them anyway. So it goes.
But why call them spiritual experiences when hallucinations will do even better?
Beyond the importance of controlling the placebo effect, I am worried that a lot of the drug-depression research is overlooking an important possibility: that the thing about ketamine/psilocybin/etc that is helping with depression is not some latent property of the molecule, but rather the actual transcendent experience of the trip. In other words, the trip is the point, not the mechanistic neuro-tinkering [0]. Impor…
This speaks to me for sure...
Ever since I was little, I've had trouble identifying with humanity. Even though I was born into this body, I never really identified with it, never really felt like that was "me".
I wanted fantasy instead, I wanted to be a creature instead, something with fur and paws and a tail. It's gone far enough that I have DID and multiple such creatures live in my head with me.
But I can't have it. I don't hallucinate. I don't even dream of creatures, not even daydreams. I only dream of humans. I only dream of reality. My dreams aren't an escape from anything, they are just more of the same. My imagination isn't an escape from anything, because it's not real. It doesn't look real, it doesn't feel real. It's just a tease.
And this hurts. There is some sort of deep, existential pain that I feel whenever I am reminded of this. "Species dysphoria". If anyone had trouble understanding gender dysphoria before, boy do I have a concept for you.
I don't know what is wrong with me. I don't know what caused me to dissociate from the body. It's supposed to be my body, it's supposed to be one with me, it's supposed to be me. I'm supposed to be comfortable in it, and it's supposed to be under my control. But it's not. It's not me, it's not comfortable, and it's not under my control.
I blame some of it on autism and ADHD. Being autistic deprives me of control over the body, and ADHD deprives me of the ability to override that. But I also blame it on the lack of proper fantasy in my dreams. I think, that because my dreams have never truly been an escape from anything... that I'm missing something that I'm not supposed to be missing. In other words... "transcendent experience as a fundamental psychological need". And I haven't had any. I am incapable of it.
I've tried writing stories. I've tried roleplaying. I've tried to make myself more comfortable in the body, through actual physical comfort, or from expression of this "otherkin" identity. But nothing seems to help. Nothing actually feels like it means anything. I'm just not getting it.
I just feel trapped. Trapped in this body. Trapped in this reality. I don't know what to do about it. I don't know what I can do about it. I've tried LSD, tried ketamine. I like LSD, and still use it somewhat regularly. But it still doesn't do what I want, or what I need. It's a recreational activity for me, but it doesn't seem to help with anything deep inside.
Stimulants like dexedrine used to help, but every time I try them after a couple months' break, they either barely help at all, or they help for a few weeks and then my tolerance skyrockets.
The depression is the lack of any hope that this will ever change. The depression is this deep discomfort with myself, my body, my life... and the fear that it will be this way forever. That I will never get what I am seeking, and that I will never be able to fix what is broken inside, either.
I've talked to doctors about this, I've talked to therapists about this. I'm getting a neuropsychological evaluation in a few months. I'm trying to help myself, I just don't know if there is anything left to try. The best I can do is get recognized.
Any thoughts or suggestions would be appreciated, of course.
Beyond the importance of controlling the placebo effect, I am worried that a lot of the drug-depression research is overlooking an important possibility: that the thing about ketamine/psilocybin/etc that is helping with depression is not some latent property of the molecule, but rather the actual transcendent experience of the trip. In other words, the trip is the point, not the mechanistic neuro-tinkering [0]. Impor…
I generally agree with you, but I would like to comment on the expression you used: "As a scientist, I can't really object to rationality on its own, but it may be worth considering non-rational, transcendent experience as a fundamental psychological need.". I think you would agree that if evaluations such as life-meaningfulness are secondary-properties or qualia like you said then arranging it as a debate between ra…
Bleak utilitarianism is why so many reject applying themselves to a deeper understanding of the world, willfully ignorant in a way to manufacture wonder via a lack of comprehension.
It starts early, with the sexist trope of Eve plucking an Apple from the tree of knowledge and getting us kicked out of the garden eden. Bullshit.
I agree with the OP, the trip is the point. Travel, see the universe.
I broke my leg skydiving a few months ago. The EMTs gave me ketamine and fentanyl before they loaded me up in the ambulance. That stuff sent me to another dimension! I never want to go back there. Was pretty terrifying to be honest. Maybe a low dose could help with depression? I think a high dose would probably scare people and they wouldn't want to do it again.
The paramedics/doctors I used to work with would administer ketamine from time to time, but they would always pair it with this other drug (maybe midazolam? I don’t quite remember), for the sole purpose of preventing hallucinations.
They made it very clear that the only reason for this mix was that ketamine hallucinations of that dose are often violent or sexual or both, and you don’t want to deal with those kind of allegations.
I personally tried low dose pure ketamine (intramuscular) and it was quite pleasant.
Earlier quoted context omitted.
Sorry, what can be harmful exactly? The experience of drugs? I completely agree. A corollary of my position is that you should be able to fix a fair bit of depression by providing non-pharmacological access to transcendent experience. The drug is then a (very potent and correspondingly sharp) tool among others.
Hear, hear. Transcendent experience has always been closely guarded and guided, for better or worse - there are good reasons not to throw someone into transcendence without preparing them carefully first. Just that our current situation appears to be so desperate, and the very idea of transcendence has disappeared off the cultural radar, that these drugs become necessary.
Beyond the importance of controlling the placebo effect, I am worried that a lot of the drug-depression research is overlooking an important possibility: that the thing about ketamine/psilocybin/etc that is helping with depression is not some latent property of the molecule, but rather the actual transcendent experience of the trip. In other words, the trip is the point, not the mechanistic neuro-tinkering [0]. Impor…
> In other words, the trip is the point, not the mechanistic neuro-tinkering Are you claiming that there is a soul? Becauae many posit that the brain and thus our experiences are made of matter and energy and as mechanistic as anything else.
Earlier quoted context omitted.
these tools allow exploration of not just introspection but also states that otherwise belong safely behind a closed door. Yes I might actually enjoy having countless shards of the universe's ideas slicing through my ego for a few hours at night over the weekend; no I never want that to experience that during a workday.
Working is overrated and may be part of the problem of having depression in the first place. Maybe we are solving the wrong problem after all. Depression is a signal, it’s evolution whispering that life sucks in some major way. Throwing SSRI at problem silences this voice. But maybe it does and psychodelics fix that , instead of suppressing alerts indefinitely.
Not just overrated, but most likely the core of the problem. It displaces so much and returns so little.
Earlier quoted context omitted.
For sure. In indigenous circles, the perception is often that science’s approach to psychedelics is quite ill-fitted because it seeks to separate the molecules from the non-physical essence of the medicines. What is called “set and setting” in the secular world, is called “sorcery” or “ceremony” for them. They understand the many transcendental layers opened by this medicine in a profound, intimate manner, and many o…
Where can we find more information or learn from you?
Otherwise, I write about the relationship between technology and spirituality here: https://louison.substack.com/
You may also get more information about traditional indigenous ceremonies/sorcery reading Carlos Castaneda, Ruiz or looking for other books in that category.
It's shocking how much of medicine is just based on trust and word of mouth. Studies made decades ago that turn out completely wrong and not reproducible. We flatter ourselves that we're enlightened and based on science, but the more you dig the more you realize it's all a game of trial and error and fighting cultural wars to get your "remedy" out there and profit. It's rather shocking to someone who's not familiar w…
It is kind of ironic that study hints about hope/placebo. What I experienced were always side effects, no relief and then different drug, rinse and repeat. Left with original problem, worried what the next drug gonna bring as side effect with more and more diminishing hope it will ever help - despair.
There's no vast conspiracy here (well, sort of), but a simple principle: anything that is demonstrable to be USEful, is demonstrable to be abUSEable. No one is restricting homeopathic remedies, they don't have side-effects, or drug interactions, and that's because they don't do anything.
Many antidepressants also don't require too strict of a regime, that's because they actually have very poor therapy effects overall, but even when they do, their effect and side-effects are so stretched out in time, it's very hard to show a hard cause-effect relationship. Despite reading the list you see all sorts of conditions on a drug that may occur as a side-effect, often many of those just occurred during a study, but had little relation to a drug, while other effects were underreported (say often around sexual function as people are embarrassed, or things people can't feel, and aren't tested about, things which doctors don't expect they need to check).
So basically "long-running drugs" are a big question mark, and often turn out to be garbage.
But stimulants like Ritalin, Adderall, Vivanse, Concerta and so on are known to instantly alleviate a number of symptoms of ADHD, depression and so on. Not in months. But within AN HOUR of taking a pill. You can immediately see how it works. But of course you can abuse them, and your body craves them over time, because the body and mind adapts to everything, that's the whole point of homeostasis. So they're restricted and you're told they're not good for you because they can be abused. But this cause-effect relationship is only visible because their effect is also apparent. Not just to medicine, but also to your own body. Your mind makes the cause-effect relationship "this makes dopamine good, circuits work better, take again".
But the fact of the matter with drugs is they're all poison, and the therapeutic effect is in the right dose and application. There's no way around it. If it was nice and fun at any quantity, it's at best just sugar, or at worst some random chemical that few bad studies pushed through, which doesn't at all act like it's supposed to.
This doesn't apply just to stimulants. I have issues with my circadian rhythm so I found a brand of melatonin of Jamieson that is 10mg, slow release. I notice on the first night it works. Other smaller doses from random supplement companies did nothing, heck who knows if they even had the active ingredient.
So I'm in EU. And lo and behold, the EU notices melatonin is USEful at dose over 3mg. Therefore also abUSEable, and has side-effects in some. Very minor I might add.
But it was immediately pulled from shelves, so a long and tedious registration can begin for it as a medication rather than a supplement, and until then, EU people who need it are screwed I guess. It's absurd, but it follows the principle that if it works, it becomes controlled. So the irony in all this is that we have easiest access to garbage that doesn't help, and the drugs that do help, have high prices and restricted access due to over-regulation.
One of those things of the modern world.
Beyond the importance of controlling the placebo effect, I am worried that a lot of the drug-depression research is overlooking an important possibility: that the thing about ketamine/psilocybin/etc that is helping with depression is not some latent property of the molecule, but rather the actual transcendent experience of the trip. In other words, the trip is the point, not the mechanistic neuro-tinkering [0]. Impor…
I generally agree with you, but I would like to comment on the expression you used: "As a scientist, I can't really object to rationality on its own, but it may be worth considering non-rational, transcendent experience as a fundamental psychological need.". I think you would agree that if evaluations such as life-meaningfulness are secondary-properties or qualia like you said then arranging it as a debate between ra…