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Do You Need a Visit to the Confident Man Ranch?

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Re: Do You Need a Visit to the Confident Man Ranch?

#11

Post by doesnt_know »

kredd wrote: post #8

My friend and I have a theory that a significant chunk of the problems mentioned in the article could be solved if every guy had a genuine platonic friend who is a girl. No data point other than every guy that I know who has close friend girls, never had problems with masculinity or something. And the opposite is true as well. I might be in a very limited bubble as well, as my very close bubble of decade+ friend grou…

> could be solved if every guy had a genuine platonic friend who is a girl. No data point other than every guy that I know who has close friend girls, never had problems with masculinity or something. And the opposite is true as well.

Feels more probable that it's the other way around. Those that don't have problems with their (toxic) masculinity can likely maintain platonic relationships with any gender.

Re: Do You Need a Visit to the Confident Man Ranch?

#12

Post by ckyngcybra »

mnky9800n wrote: post #5

Why do people pretend to do therapy to make money? If you can simply open a dude ranch and let people talk in a group during afternoon coffee break, why is that considered legitimate therapy? What's the difference between some dude with a dude ranch and a bachelor's in engineering and organizational psychology calling himself a life coach and someone with a PhD in clinical psychology who put time and energy into stud…

[flagged]

Re: Do You Need a Visit to the Confident Man Ranch?

#13

Post by taway1237 »

PlunderBunny wrote: post #4

The smartest thing I read about the question "What does it mean to be a good man?" was that the question was wrong - it should simply be "What does it mean to be a good human being?" In my opinion, it's a much easier question to answer.

Is that how native speakers understand this proverb? I always assumed "a good man" here is synonymous with "a good human", because that's how if goes in my language, and because it's the only way this makes sense.

Re: Do You Need a Visit to the Confident Man Ranch?

#15

Post by 63 »

doesnt_know wrote: post #11
kredd wrote: post #8

My friend and I have a theory that a significant chunk of the problems mentioned in the article could be solved if every guy had a genuine platonic friend who is a girl. No data point other than every guy that I know who has close friend girls, never had problems with masculinity or something. And the opposite is true as well. I might be in a very limited bubble as well, as my very close bubble of decade+ friend grou…

> could be solved if every guy had a genuine platonic friend who is a girl. No data point other than every guy that I know who has close friend girls, never had problems with masculinity or something. And the opposite is true as well. Feels more probable that it's the other way around. Those that don't have problems with their (toxic) masculinity can likely maintain platonic relationships with any gender.

I'll take the middle ground and say I think it's more of a vicious cycle.

Grow up in a dysfunctional environment and develop a bad concept of other people and of masculinity and it becomes harder and harder to break out of that as you age. Eventually someone has to do a lot of emotional work to support you while you figure out how to treat other people and yourself.

A lot of times I think if it's caught early by someone with enough emotional intelligence and a little bit of capacity to forgive you and tell you when you're being a jerk, you can break out of it while young and continue to maintain healthy relationships going forward. Alternatively you get more and more isolated as you age and no one around is willing or able to help you and you end up pretty bad off. I'd consider myself in the first group but I definitely know a lot of men who are in the second group, or at least on their way there.

Men's mental health is a big deal and I think it's only getting worse. I don't know how to fix it though

Re: Do You Need a Visit to the Confident Man Ranch?

#16

Post by kredd »

doesnt_know wrote: post #11
kredd wrote: post #8

My friend and I have a theory that a significant chunk of the problems mentioned in the article could be solved if every guy had a genuine platonic friend who is a girl. No data point other than every guy that I know who has close friend girls, never had problems with masculinity or something. And the opposite is true as well. I might be in a very limited bubble as well, as my very close bubble of decade+ friend grou…

> could be solved if every guy had a genuine platonic friend who is a girl. No data point other than every guy that I know who has close friend girls, never had problems with masculinity or something. And the opposite is true as well. Feels more probable that it's the other way around. Those that don't have problems with their (toxic) masculinity can likely maintain platonic relationships with any gender.

I should’ve added growing up part. Like I grew up with friends who are girls and guys, and always had positive reassurance from my surroundings that it’s the correct way of doing things. But I agree, it’s like a skill in general — as I grew up with friend girls, I never had problems maintaining platonic relationships with either group of people.

Re: Do You Need a Visit to the Confident Man Ranch?

#17

Post by ckyngcybra »

doesnt_know wrote: post #11
kredd wrote: post #8

My friend and I have a theory that a significant chunk of the problems mentioned in the article could be solved if every guy had a genuine platonic friend who is a girl. No data point other than every guy that I know who has close friend girls, never had problems with masculinity or something. And the opposite is true as well. I might be in a very limited bubble as well, as my very close bubble of decade+ friend grou…

> could be solved if every guy had a genuine platonic friend who is a girl. No data point other than every guy that I know who has close friend girls, never had problems with masculinity or something. And the opposite is true as well. Feels more probable that it's the other way around. Those that don't have problems with their (toxic) masculinity can likely maintain platonic relationships with any gender.

[flagged]

Re: Do You Need a Visit to the Confident Man Ranch?

#18

Post by yetihehe »

ckyngcybra wrote: post #17
doesnt_know wrote: post #11

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> could be solved if every guy had a genuine platonic friend who is a girl. No data point other than every guy that I know who has close friend girls, never had problems with masculinity or something. And the opposite is true as well. Feels more probable that it's the other way around. Those that don't have problems with their (toxic) masculinity can likely maintain platonic relationships with any gender.

[flagged]

One of your other comments in "Writing down unfiltered thoughts enhances self-knowledge":

> I started doing this like 3 years ago. Actually have like 30+ 100page sketchbooks filled so far. Keep meaning to catalogue it all, but I keep adding to it instead.

I think maybe you should actually speak with someone (actual professional therapist), you look like you're on a path to become toxic yourself. I'm not telling you this to mock you, it looks like this from your comments and you should probably get help before you still can.

Re: Do You Need a Visit to the Confident Man Ranch?

#19

Post by andyjohnson0 »

kredd wrote: post #8

My friend and I have a theory that a significant chunk of the problems mentioned in the article could be solved if every guy had a genuine platonic friend who is a girl. No data point other than every guy that I know who has close friend girls, never had problems with masculinity or something. And the opposite is true as well. I might be in a very limited bubble as well, as my very close bubble of decade+ friend grou…

> My friend and I have a theory that a significant chunk of the problems mentioned in the article could be solved if every guy had a genuine platonic friend who is a girl.

I suspect that the causation might be reversed. In other words, men who women want to be friends with may have the personality attributes that allow them to express their masculinity in non-problematic and easeful ways.

Re: Do You Need a Visit to the Confident Man Ranch?

#20

Post by mnky9800n »

fullmoon wrote: post #6
mnky9800n wrote: post #5

Why do people pretend to do therapy to make money? If you can simply open a dude ranch and let people talk in a group during afternoon coffee break, why is that considered legitimate therapy? What's the difference between some dude with a dude ranch and a bachelor's in engineering and organizational psychology calling himself a life coach and someone with a PhD in clinical psychology who put time and energy into stud…

If all you need is someone to talk with, there is no difference.

then why pay someone to talk as opposed to going to the pub with your friend?
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