I feel like teenage me might have answered most of these, with varying levels of honesty, but is any kid answering "What’s the best way for someone to lose their virginity?"? Yeah, don't ask that one.
[dead]
Questions to ask a teenager to start an important conversation
71–76 of 76 posts
Re: Questions to ask a teenager to start an important conversation
#72These seem so incincere, I can't put my finger on why. Just be interested in what they're interested in, same as how to connect with anyone. Let them tell you about things. Thereby establish you are interested in them as a person and are a good listener. And perhaps critically, don't start out with a view to change them - that requires a great deal of trust willingly placed on their behalf which you haven't earned an…
There is nothing more insincere then me "being interested" in Harry Potter, Taylor Swift and superhero movies. As in, if insincerity is the worry, the common interest us the worst possible platform. Because, partly I am not interested in stuff teenagers are into now, which is normal for someone of my age. And partly because teenagers seeks to create own identity so me going into there would kinda destroyed it for the…
Its not incincere if you actually find something interesting. And believe me, there are interesting things in everything. Every time ive dismissed something as not interesting (astrology, tarot etc) it's closed off parts of my relationship with people. Sure I thought they were dumb superstition for dumb people. They can immediately tell that from my body language. It's almost as though having that kind of attitude about anything is unwise.
Turns out when I get them to tell me about it without judgement, and show enough humility that they open up to me, they get excited about the things they love, and then you can't help but be a bit excited too. You get a better sense how what they think and how they think, which usually leads to genuinely good bits.
Re: Questions to ask a teenager to start an important conversation
#73These seem so incincere, I can't put my finger on why. Just be interested in what they're interested in, same as how to connect with anyone. Let them tell you about things. Thereby establish you are interested in them as a person and are a good listener. And perhaps critically, don't start out with a view to change them - that requires a great deal of trust willingly placed on their behalf which you haven't earned an…
> Just be interested in what they're interested in, same as how to connect with anyone. Let them tell you about things. Oh, so “just already be good at talking to your kids”. Appreciate the advice. Seriously, this is for parents that want to do a better job. Your advice isn’t particularly useful as it isn’t specific enough for people that aren’t already connecting with their kids. Perhaps propose more specific action…
[deleted]
Re: Questions to ask a teenager to start an important conversation
#74Earlier quoted context omitted.
Genuine conversations don't come about through being scheduled for a sit-down interview in a meeting room or lounge room - especially not when notes are being taken or they're being recorded, even if there are drinks and snacks present. Active listening is more than just storming in with a question and waiting quietly for a response before launching the next barrage. Real conversations only happen when there's a mutu…
I don't know anyone who fishes, bikes, or plays golf. I suspect this is the reason many people are critically lonely. There's just no place to be with other people and talk. Perhaps women are culturally more comfortable going out for coffee or running errands together. For all the men I know that would be super weird. Shame. We need to find new ways to just be together.
Yep, kinda drives home the point of how important "third spaces" are for mental health.
Re: Questions to ask a teenager to start an important conversation
#75Earlier quoted context omitted.
I'm saying it's stealing! You have a pre-existing equilibrium with your child (the parent asking the questions). Maybe it's good, maybe it's ok. But you want more! You want access to their inner thoughts, and fears, and deep recesses that they barely understand themselves. What are you offering in exchange for their lifeblood?
It's funny. I read it in an entirely different way. The way I took it was an invitation to share rather than some expectation or requirement. To me the author regrets having never been asked this question during childhood and learned the lesson, "Take time to ask open-ended questions." I didn't read it as, "demand access to your child's inner thoughts," but I find it interesting that you did. There certainly are pare…
You do you, but how else is a parent's question to be taken? I've never had any interest in sharing the depths of my life with my parents, and I'm in my late 40s. That's not because they're bad people; they're not. But they have always kept their life before me separate from their life after me, and I think that's a two-way street.
I don't need to know about how they hoovered up lines of cocaine and went to fetish parties (I don't really think they did either, but it could have happened and I'd never have known), and they don't need to know what I do with my spare time.
Re: Questions to ask a teenager to start an important conversation
#76Earlier quoted context omitted.
It's funny. I read it in an entirely different way. The way I took it was an invitation to share rather than some expectation or requirement. To me the author regrets having never been asked this question during childhood and learned the lesson, "Take time to ask open-ended questions." I didn't read it as, "demand access to your child's inner thoughts," but I find it interesting that you did. There certainly are pare…
You do you, but how else is a parent's question to be taken? I've never had any interest in sharing the depths of my life with my parents, and I'm in my late 40s. That's not because they're bad people; they're not. But they have always kept their life before me separate from their life after me, and I think that's a two-way street. I don't need to know about how they hoovered up lines of cocaine and went to fetish pa…
> How else is a parent's question to be taken?
Process of elimination is a very poor strategy for explaining other's behavior. Worse, much worse, than chance in my experience. I find even random selection to be better at behavior explanation over process of elimination.
Among all of the behavioral explaination tactics, I've found asking people to have the best predictive power. To that effect, you would have to ask those parents.