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The vital art of talking to strangers (2021)

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Re: The vital art of talking to strangers (2021)

#171
post #33

I can talk for hours with anyone about anything, but I have some kind of social anxiety about starting the conversation, and that sadly goes not just for strangers but also for people I'm familiar with but not super familiar... I'd never start talking to a person sitting next to me on a train or a plane, but when they start I'm most often very glad to have someone to talk to...

I hope i will run into you. I like starting conversations. I tend to hate it when people slow down or block the conversation by simply replying with a short yes or no, even when there's nothing for them to do (while, say, waiting in a queue) other than gazing at their little screen.

I hate to do that but it often happens. I'm not sure why, but I wanted to share that it can be incompetence to keep it up rather than being not interested.

Re: The vital art of talking to strangers (2021)

#172
post #167

Earlier quoted context omitted.

catiopatio says:> "I would also genuinely, deeply, and silently dislike every second of the forced interaction." No verbal interaction is forced, especially one initiated by a child toward an adult. Act as you wish. Young people need to see examples of persons who are abnormal, maladjusted or even insane so that they can recognize them and learn how to deal with them in the future. Their Dad can explain that too.

But who will explain to the young people that perhaps it is their Dad that is maladjusted or even insane? That their Dad is operating under a very silly pretense that children will be just as able and willing to politely accept social queues from adults? Or that verbal interactions with children, while not technically forced, are pretty strongly incentivized to go one particular way due to an implicit social contract…

> a very silly pretense that children will be just as able and willing to politely accept social queues from adults?

Well no, they probably wont a lot of the time. That's somewhat the point though. To learn you have to practice. To learn you have to fail.

Re: The vital art of talking to strangers (2021)

#173

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Or just be short in your answers and don’t ask anything back. Most people get the hint quickly. Hah! As someone who used public transport for most of my life, I've suffered through more than my fair share of narcississtic self-obsessed extroverts who don't get the hint. And some people's tolerance for tedious conversation can be higher or lower. Mine's pretty low, so I know where the P is coming from. What's really…

You’ve asked people to stop talking to you and they didn’t?

"Or just be short in your answers and don’t ask anything back. Most people get the hint quickly."

No I didn't ask people to stop talking to me. The point I'm making is that I often run into people completely impermeable to social-cues, body-language and other hints.

Re: The vital art of talking to strangers (2021)

#174
post #155

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Disengagement works because not everyone out there is trying to talk to everyone. If you change cultural norms such that every child should talk to strangers a lot, it'll be tiring to have to do this "disengagement" 10 times a day.

And the risk for this happening… Do you think it’s a big risk? These days, a lot of kids just engage with their smartphone instead.

I'm pretty boring in person but there are definitely times I know strangers are curious about me. And those tend to be times I really don't want attention.

Re: The vital art of talking to strangers (2021)

#175
post #92
post #45

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Darker? Sounds like a much brighter side...

I was just telling someone how I wish there were higher expectations for personal hygene at airports. I've had many flights made significantly more miserable by smelly people who obviously haven't showered recently. A very slight dress code, like no sweatpants or tank tops, would go a long way towards encouraging people to wash themselves and wear clean clothes before they sit 6 inches away from me for 5 hours.

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