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The vital art of talking to strangers (2021)

economist.com

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Re: The vital art of talking to strangers (2021)

#141

Post by no_butterscotch »

JustAPerson wrote: post #85

I’ve spent years of therapy trying to overcome my fear of talking to strangers. Mostly it just feels inappropriate and unwanted; like I would be intruding on people. I can talk to strangers when there’s an appropriate social context (e.g. clerks / service people). But lacking the right context, it feels deeply uncomfortable. Has anyone overcome this problem? Where would you go to interact with strangers–importantly w…

Honest Q:

What kind of therapy do you look for for things like this? As someone deeply inverted, prone to "creatively interpreting" things in a negative light, who dwells on imagined sleights, etc. I've thought maybe I need some professional help. But I'm kind of afraid of talking to people about my issues in general so I don't know what kind of therapist would work for me.

Re: The vital art of talking to strangers (2021)

#142

Post by giardini »

catiopatio wrote: post #120
teekert wrote: post #51

“Children are taught never to speak to unknown grown-ups, especially those regarded by their parents as untrustworthy.” Not my kids, they talk to anyone. When they ask me a question about someone I encourage them to ask the person. When the want something I encourage them to ask (respectfully). They always, always get nice responses and I get friendly conversations afterwards. Think of yourself, how would you react?…

I would react politely to your children and, if further engaged by you, continue to converse with you politely. I would also genuinely, deeply, and silently dislike every second of the forced interaction. 99.999% of people might react the same, but that doesn’t mean we all feel the same.

catiopatio says:>"I would also genuinely, deeply, and silently dislike every second of the forced interaction."No verbal interaction is forced, especially one initiated by a child toward an adult.

Act as you wish. Young people need to see examples of persons who are abnormal, maladjusted or even insane so that they can recognize them and learn how to deal with them in the future. Their Dad can explain that too.

Re: The vital art of talking to strangers (2021)

#143

Post by giardini »

FrankoDelMar wrote: post #119
MrVandemar wrote: post #91

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It also reduces the number of people with bad intentions who will approach you. A dog may be cute and small, but they are also fast, bitey, barky and very good on picking up threats.

Maybe, though I’ve had a group of high school aged kids larger than me threaten to kick my small dog, and I was genuinely confused how to act. On the one hand, I didn’t want my dog to get hurt. On the other hand, I wanted to confront them even though it would have been a losing battle and a threat to my dog’s safety. If I was alone I would have acted differently. But so would they.

Tell them you formerly had a larger dog but had to shoot it when it viciously attacked someone.

Re: The vital art of talking to strangers (2021)

#144

Post by oatmeal1 »

JustAPerson wrote: post #85

I’ve spent years of therapy trying to overcome my fear of talking to strangers. Mostly it just feels inappropriate and unwanted; like I would be intruding on people. I can talk to strangers when there’s an appropriate social context (e.g. clerks / service people). But lacking the right context, it feels deeply uncomfortable. Has anyone overcome this problem? Where would you go to interact with strangers–importantly w…

It's better to learn to meditate, which should reduce the feelings of fear first.

Re: The vital art of talking to strangers (2021)

#145

Post by smith-kyle »

no_butterscotch wrote: post #141
JustAPerson wrote: post #85

I’ve spent years of therapy trying to overcome my fear of talking to strangers. Mostly it just feels inappropriate and unwanted; like I would be intruding on people. I can talk to strangers when there’s an appropriate social context (e.g. clerks / service people). But lacking the right context, it feels deeply uncomfortable. Has anyone overcome this problem? Where would you go to interact with strangers–importantly w…

Honest Q: What kind of therapy do you look for for things like this? As someone deeply inverted, prone to "creatively interpreting" things in a negative light, who dwells on imagined sleights, etc. I've thought maybe I need some professional help. But I'm kind of afraid of talking to people about my issues in general so I don't know what kind of therapist would work for me.

CBT is common and often covered by health insurance. I've been doing talk therapy for 3 years and I've found helpful for all kinds of things.

The most important (and hardest) part is finding a therapist you trust.

Re: The vital art of talking to strangers (2021)

#146

Post by em-bee »

giardini wrote: post #143
FrankoDelMar wrote: post #119

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Maybe, though I’ve had a group of high school aged kids larger than me threaten to kick my small dog, and I was genuinely confused how to act. On the one hand, I didn’t want my dog to get hurt. On the other hand, I wanted to confront them even though it would have been a losing battle and a threat to my dog’s safety. If I was alone I would have acted differently. But so would they.

Tell them you formerly had a larger dog but had to shoot it when it viciously attacked someone.

the mother of this dog is still busy mauling the last guy that tried to kick her puppy.

Re: The vital art of talking to strangers (2021)

#147

Post by em-bee »

ang_cire wrote: post #49
zwayhowder wrote: post #37

Earlier quoted context omitted.

(Working in IT) I love laptop stickers for this. Whenever I'm returning from a conference a quick look around the lounge will reveal plenty of people with laptop stickers that are an easy to to startup a conversation. "Oh you're into $LANG/$TOOL, did you go to $CONF too?".

Laptop stickers are a perfect means to signal who you want to talk to, and who you don't, without saying anything.

so i put on the star trek sticker but not the star wars sticker. got it. thanks.

Re: The vital art of talking to strangers (2021)

#148

Post by morserer »

PaulDavisThe1st wrote: post #108
gwright wrote: post #82

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I've found that campers/hikers anywhere are generally very approachable.

Because every one knows they'll never have to see each other again.

It might be a factor, but I don't think that's the main reason. If you're an outdoorsy type, you have that immediate common ground with fellow campers, and have a whole host of starter questions pertaining to that interest that will usually kickstart an entire conversation. Same with the marina-goers: boats are an interest that you can start a convo with. Makes it easy.

Re: The vital art of talking to strangers (2021)

#149

Post by bradley13 »

0xParlay wrote: post #127
bradley13 wrote: post #16

Not so long ago, I was having my first cup of coffee in a hotel restaurant. A woman sat down directly across from me and started off with how nice it was to have someone to chat with. Um. No. I was polite, but...no. I had no interest in learning who she was, why she was there, or what she did for a living. I heard all of that anyway. Look, I haven't put on my social facade yet and I am not interested. You're next to…

Sounds like she really needed someone to talk to. Might've helped keep her sanity. Thanks for being polite

You're welcome, or rather, she is. Yeah, you don't know what people are going through, and there is enough negativity in the world.

That said, I'm pretty sure it was just an introvert/extrovert clash. She couldn't imagine not chatting over coffee. Whereas I have a job working with people (teaching), which I like, but it means outside the job I am even more introverted...

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