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The vital art of talking to strangers (2021)

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Re: The vital art of talking to strangers (2021)

#91

Post by MrVandemar »

GrumpyNl wrote: post #36
hackermatic wrote: post #17

The cultural differences about this are vast even in the United States. In the part of the Midwest where I grew up, strangers would come up and offer compliments about your outfit or car, make friendly small talk in the grocery store checkout line, or at least offer a quiet "hi" and smile when passing on the sidewalk. In the Pacific Northwest, we try not to even look at each other when passing, although people are fr…

Walking your dog ( its cute and small) makes a big difference.

It also reduces the number of people with bad intentions who will approach you. A dog may be cute and small, but they are also fast, bitey, barky and very good on picking up threats.

Re: The vital art of talking to strangers (2021)

#92

Post by Fergazi »

coldtea wrote: post #45
lamp987 wrote: post #15

Earlier quoted context omitted.

actually it used to be like that in earlier days of airliners. it was a social experience. but those days also had a darker side, like having a dress code for passengers...

Darker? Sounds like a much brighter side...

I was just telling someone how I wish there were higher expectations for personal hygene at airports. I've had many flights made significantly more miserable by smelly people who obviously haven't showered recently. A very slight dress code, like no sweatpants or tank tops, would go a long way towards encouraging people to wash themselves and wear clean clothes before they sit 6 inches away from me for 5 hours.

Re: The vital art of talking to strangers (2021)

#93

Post by ratg13 »

JustAPerson wrote: post #85

I’ve spent years of therapy trying to overcome my fear of talking to strangers. Mostly it just feels inappropriate and unwanted; like I would be intruding on people. I can talk to strangers when there’s an appropriate social context (e.g. clerks / service people). But lacking the right context, it feels deeply uncomfortable. Has anyone overcome this problem? Where would you go to interact with strangers–importantly w…

Literally any event/gathering is a great place to start.

The whole point of bringing groups together is to encourage people to interact. It’s awkward for everyone, but you can make it less awkward for others by just being friendly.. complimenting someone, or even just asking a simple question to get some engagement.

As long as you are respectful, friendly, and not pushy, everyone will respect you back.

Try to find some local gatherings in your own community, maybe a church potluck (they won’t care if you’re not religious, they are just happy you are there) .. maybe a local game shop has some DND evenings, or just find something that aligns with your personal interests.

To improve your nervousness about speaking, toastmasters or a Dale Carnegie class are both good options as well.

Re: The vital art of talking to strangers (2021)

#94

Post by hansoolo »

JustAPerson wrote: post #85

I’ve spent years of therapy trying to overcome my fear of talking to strangers. Mostly it just feels inappropriate and unwanted; like I would be intruding on people. I can talk to strangers when there’s an appropriate social context (e.g. clerks / service people). But lacking the right context, it feels deeply uncomfortable. Has anyone overcome this problem? Where would you go to interact with strangers–importantly w…

You can interact with strangers everywhere! In a queue in supermarket, in a football stadium or in a train.

If they don't want to talk you should be able to recognize it instantly.

Re: The vital art of talking to strangers (2021)

#95

Post by Invictus0 »

JustAPerson wrote: post #85

I’ve spent years of therapy trying to overcome my fear of talking to strangers. Mostly it just feels inappropriate and unwanted; like I would be intruding on people. I can talk to strangers when there’s an appropriate social context (e.g. clerks / service people). But lacking the right context, it feels deeply uncomfortable. Has anyone overcome this problem? Where would you go to interact with strangers–importantly w…

Love yourself first.

Love yourself first. If you truly believe that you have value;

that when you open your mouth and speak to others, you brighten their day;

that when other people meet you, they are happier or smarter than they were before they met you;

then it is your natural obligation to talk to other people (don't dehumanize them by calling them strangers), because you are giving them the gift of your own special human light.

Re: The vital art of talking to strangers (2021)

#96

Post by calf »

MrThoughtful wrote: post #7

I'm always surprised that so few people on planes talk to each other. It is amazing how a talk to the person next to you on a plane can turn a boring, multiple hour long flight into a nice experience that feels way shorter.

When I was in grad school, I would catch up reading journal papers on the plane and keep to myself, but finally on two separate occasions it sparked lengthy conversation, because the other person was an engineer or a mathematician.

Re: The vital art of talking to strangers (2021)

#97

Post by MrVandemar »

bradley13 wrote: post #16

Not so long ago, I was having my first cup of coffee in a hotel restaurant. A woman sat down directly across from me and started off with how nice it was to have someone to chat with. Um. No. I was polite, but...no. I had no interest in learning who she was, why she was there, or what she did for a living. I heard all of that anyway. Look, I haven't put on my social facade yet and I am not interested. You're next to…

Yeah, people are wierd. I don't know what kind of narciscism you need to have to think you and what you have to say is interesting to someone else. I don't strike up random conversations because:

a) I'd have to listen to them discuss (probably) the footy, or their Rav-4. That's incredibly tedious.

b) They sure don't browse HN, and to have an interesting conversation, I'd have to explain a lot of things instead of being able to debate or explore them.

Re: The vital art of talking to strangers (2021)

#98

Post by LordShredda »

ptmcc wrote: post #34
dieselgate wrote: post #32

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I’m inthe PNW and feel this is largely situation dependent. Was camping in Oregon last weekend and was surprised by how many different groups of campers were conversing at length with one another. When on/around my boat at the marina it’s common for folks to chat openly. In my neighborhood it’s very much the opposite and there’s little/no eye contact and chatter.

Socialization in the PNW is highly hobby/activity oriented. It's immediate common ground and usually a recreational context. Day to day is more much reserved and insular as we go about our business.

Is that why most advice you see online is to go rock climbing or hiking to meet friends?

Re: The vital art of talking to strangers (2021)

#99

Post by alwa »

noduerme wrote: post #24
exitb wrote: post #13

Earlier quoted context omitted.

On the other hand, I’ve seen not an insignificant number of cases where someone overstepped a boundary by forcing a conversation on someone who was clearly not into it. I think it’s ok to try, but given the context, cultural differences, legal requirement to stay in your assigned seat, it might be easy to get confused about consent.

Where is there a legal requirement to stay in your assigned seat? I've switched seats with people plenty of times on airplanes, or simply moved into empty rows. If you want to switch you can simply ask. (That is, if you're not afraid to talk to strangers!)

Did the people who you saw do this mid-flight/mid-unwanted-conversation, in order to escape their chatty neighbors, or was this more in the early phases of the flight when people were getting settled?

When people see my seat and see that it’s better than theirs, and simply ask me for it, sometimes I cave in in the interest of being nice. It’s cool that they want a nice gift from me, but even if I say a polite “no,” it makes me feel defensive about occupying a seat that I picked for a reason, under the same rules by which they picked theirs.

Re: The vital art of talking to strangers (2021)

#100

Post by MrVandemar »

teekert wrote: post #57
cybrexalpha wrote: post #4

The last time someone I didn't know tried to talk to me on public transport I moved to another seat.

Where I live that’s considered pretty rude. You could however respectfully say that you’d rather listen to music or just say you prefer not to talk. Or just be short in your answers and don’t ask anything back. Most people get the hint quickly.

> Or just be short in your answers and don’t ask anything back. Most people get the hint quickly.

Hah! As someone who used public transport for most of my life, I've suffered through more than my fair share of narcississtic self-obsessed extroverts who don't get the hint.

And some people's tolerance for tedious conversation can be higher or lower. Mine's pretty low, so I know where the P is coming from.

What's really rude is to waste people's valuable time and peace of mind.

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