Ask HN: How to cope with constant fear of getting laid off?

I understand. You have lots of things to worry about. Try to take things one at a time. The two biggest concerns I'd have in your shoes:

* money

* visa status

Money is probably a bit easier to deal with, so I'd focus on building your financial runway. Save whatever you can. Cut costs. I don't know your living situation at all, but think about big things (where you live, what you drive/how you commute) and little things (going out, subscriptions). Examine your expenses and come up with a barebones number. Is it $1000/month? $3,000? $6,000? I don't know, but you should figure that out. Then you can decide how many months or years of runway you'd need to feel comfortable, and aim to save that much.

Next, the visa issue. Others have suggested consulting an immigration lawyer. That makes a lot of sense to me. At the least, you'll know your situation more precisely (how many days after a layoff you'd have to find a job, what it would take to change your status, whether you can leave and work remotely, etc). Other options would be to start interviewing at companies who can provide you a visa, or making plans to return to your home country. Again, I don't know your situation, so can't make recommendations on which to choose.

Finally, I think it's important to acknowledge that you are probably valuable to your current employer. Why? Because you've survived 3 layoffs. So you are either a good employee, in a division that is doing relatively well, or both. If you want to stay at this company, I'd focus on that to help get you through the day.

I'm sorry you're in such a tough spot.

This is a tough situation to live through. If I remember how US visas work, there's usually some kind of time limit you have to stay employed for, after which you're allowed to stay in the country. That's probably where I would start if I were in your shoes: Figure out how much longer I need to survive before this part of my life suddenly becomes derisked. If there's, say, only 3 months left, then you're probably in a pretty fair position. If it's 3.5 years ... Maybe it's best to have a backup plan ready, just in case.

I've heard it estimated to me informally that the final cost for a company to sponsor a foreign citizen on a visa is around $5-10,000. That's a fair chunk of change, and some hassle in the meanwhile, but if you can get a good worker at a below market price many businesses would be willing to take the risk on hiring you. The risk of them losing you is also much smaller because of the visa situation, so don't think it's a hopeless sell by any means.

If it is at all possible, I would keep a minimum of $10,000 lying around in some easily-liquidatable form in case the oh shit moment finally drops. The reason you would want this is because you might have to break a rent contact, incurring a fine; move states; and start a new rent contract, all in very short order. That's a lot to have on your plate at once. You might have to buy a beater car if you don't have one already, etc. But you have the chance now to at least ensure you can survive if you end up in that situation. Never doubt the robustness and peace of mind a good solid chunk of savings can afford you.

If none of that pans out and you get ousted, you can at least pat yourself on the back and tell yourself you made the most logical moves afforded to you in the situation. With US techie experience you'll find it easier to break into other markets as well. I for example moved to Finland from the US a few years ago, almost right after graduating college, and the immigration policies here are miles easier to get through. The US is known worldwide for being a famously brutal market to work in, so that experience will travel well.

Your fear is counterproductive and you need to realize this as hard as it sounds.

If your fear blocks you from doing a good job the chance for you to get fired is higher.

The fear itself also blocks you from thinking which you need to do to take the necessary actions.

Accept first that this is 'just' how it is and yes it would be tremendously shitty and a lot of work if your worst case scenario happens BUT it would happen anyway.

So what to do?

1. Accept your situation. Talk to your partner you are not alone and together this problem already is smaller.

2. Start spending time on things which can help you: reduce house hold clutter, cleanup your CV, work well in your day job, rethink a nother country (Canada, Germany, etc)

Good luck!

I have been there for long periods of time. It is awful.

the fear really damages your mental health. The longer it goes on, it will drive you crazy and make you do inadvisable things and get paranoid.

My recommendation is make use of video therapists and career coaches to help you make better decisions.

If you talk to your peers, you are giving too much information to people around you. It’s a bad idea.

You can usually find virtual career coaches and therapists. Work through with them. It is a great idea to rely on outside help.

Your family : wife can’t help you. My experience is talking to my family and wife didn’t help. They just don’t understand.

A coach is actually incentivized to be objective and help you talk through problems and find solutions.

Keeping all this struggle in your head, you will make bad decisions and you are not objective. You are in an emotional space.

A coach can help provide a neutral 3rd party.

They can also help you brainstorm a practical strategy, how to talk and how to get to a better place and steps to take and accountability to have important conversations such as with your manager.

It costs money but the alternative is to go into a fear spiral and shut down and ruin your mental health.

It’s worth it.

I started talking to someone semi regularly and it is so incredibly useful to have someone confirming and validating your experience.

For example, I was in a toxic and disrespectful environment and by coach immediately called that out. No one around me or my boss would admit it was a bad environment.

The most dangerous thing you can do is sharing too much information with your peers or manager about your situation. I have learned not to ever talk to others around me about what I am going through.

They are your competition or looking for reasons to flag you.

Only a paid coach is going to be your friend. That’s how it is. We are in a dog eat dog environment. Any weakness signs are often a death sentence in such environments.

I also recommend improving nutrition. Eat a fruit : vegetable shake every morning to improve your health.

If you have a mineral or similar deficiency it can cause additional problems managing your emotions and with your self confidence.