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‘Friends’ and ‘Seinfeld’ knew the cure for loneliness

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Re: ‘Friends’ and ‘Seinfeld’ knew the cure for loneliness

#71

Post by screye »

afavour wrote: post #13
AlchemistCamp wrote: post #11

Earlier quoted context omitted.

This seems nuts to me. I grew up in Colorado and have also lived in several other states where people are more comfortable and likely to bump into each other in public spaces than NYC. In NYC, people are nearly all strangers and in a big hurry. Even living in Mountain View was better. In terms of serendipity, I'd put a college town far ahead of a large city.

> In NYC, people are nearly all strangers and in a big hurry Maybe you've only been in midtown Manhattan? I live in a Brooklyn neighborhood where we bump into people we know constantly and no-one is rushing around madly.

We constantly joke that Brooklyn is a village. I know like 20 people in the city, but somehow run into 1 of them every time I go out for a walk.

Re: ‘Friends’ and ‘Seinfeld’ knew the cure for loneliness

#72

Post by screye »

robotburrito wrote: post #10
icepat wrote: post #5

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Why is this a New York specific phenomenon? Living in a large town/small city in Europe, I find the same effect plays out here. A very few number of times my social activities have been actively planned. Most occur after bumping into someone at a local venue, concert, or other event.

[flagged]

NYC, Boston and Chicago ?

Re: ‘Friends’ and ‘Seinfeld’ knew the cure for loneliness

#73

Post by mrguyorama »

Supply5411 wrote: post #50
mrguyorama wrote: post #16

Earlier quoted context omitted.

>It also includes pools, benches, art, fountains, playgrounds, and food stands — things people gather at. Can't have those, the homeless might use them to avoid suffering for a few minutes and be visible, and that makes people angry.

>avoid suffering for a few minutes Not sure where you live, but where I've lived, they form camps, do drugs in the open, scream at people, and vandalize their surroundings. They make a good environment hostile to everyone. That's what most people are angry about.

Nah, the "camps" around here are a bunch of tents where people just want to be left alone. The only violence happens to other homeless people, so it's "contained" in a way. The best part is that the city keeps throwing away everything these people physically own, so they have no hope of improving their situation and ever escaping homelessness, and all the social workers struggle to keep in touch with the homeless community because they keep being jerked around and screwed with for no benefit.

Tell me, if you are homeless, where are you supposed to go when the sun goes down? As far as I can tell, it is a crime to not be in a bed you have paid for. Why have we made it a crime to be alive?

Re: ‘Friends’ and ‘Seinfeld’ knew the cure for loneliness

#74

Post by sharadov »

legerdemain wrote: post #43
OkayPhysicist wrote: post #22

Earlier quoted context omitted.

You don't need to spend all your time somewhere for it to become a decent third space. You just need to go regularly, at a similar enough time that you start building rapport with the people who also go at the same time. If you go to the gym or bar for an hour or two after work every weekday, for example, you'll quickly notice that the same people are there with you. Interact with them enough, and these people form t…

In threads like this, people often bring up gyms as social spaces. Hell. No. I've been using a gym for most of my adult life. Gyms are anti-social spaces. Big box gyms, sports clubs, the gym at the Y, campus gyms, the gyms that most people go to. Maybe boutique gyms and gyms where you always work with a personal trainer are different. Every gym I've been to: hell, no.

Exactly - everyone has their headphones on, no one wants to talk!

The only way I made friends at gyms was playing a sport - racquetball in my case, took years.

But again - I barely hung out with anyone outside the gym.

Re: ‘Friends’ and ‘Seinfeld’ knew the cure for loneliness

#75

Post by [deleted] »

ryanklee wrote: post #48
Klonoar wrote: post #37

Earlier quoted context omitted.

No, no they don’t. That commenter explicitly called out museums etc. You are not going to find that level of museum in a mid sized town.

That's so misleading. The number of mid-tier cities in the US with worthwhile museums and varied cultural access is in the many dozens. Totally skewed to think that NYC/L.A./Chicago are the only places you can raise kids in a bustling urban community. Anything Cincinnati-sized or bigger will do.

[deleted]

Re: ‘Friends’ and ‘Seinfeld’ knew the cure for loneliness

#76

Post by ryanklee »

afavour wrote: post #62
ryanklee wrote: post #49

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It still sounds like the things you claim are unique to NYC aren't. Maybe your strong preference rests on something else you aren't identifying. In my experience NYC has nothing in it that you can't find in dozens of other US cities for far cheaper. Edited to remove worthless snark.

> In my experience NYC has nothing in it that you can't find in dozens of other US cities for far cheaper. Then you haven’t truly experienced NYC, I’m sorry. It’s simply not a true statement. I’m not saying NYC is for everyone or that you even have to like it, but it having nothing you can’t find in dozens of other cities? To paraphrase Principal Skinner: “can it be that I simply don’t know NYC as well as I should? N…

Name something.

Also, it's pretty dubious to think 7 million people agree with you just because they live in the city in question.

Re: ‘Friends’ and ‘Seinfeld’ knew the cure for loneliness

#77

Post by ryanklee »

tptacek wrote: post #60
ryanklee wrote: post #48

Earlier quoted context omitted.

That's so misleading. The number of mid-tier cities in the US with worthwhile museums and varied cultural access is in the many dozens. Totally skewed to think that NYC/L.A./Chicago are the only places you can raise kids in a bustling urban community. Anything Cincinnati-sized or bigger will do.

The Cincinnati MSA has over 2 million people in it. It's not a mid-sized city.

The comparison is to NYC and we are talking tshirt sizes. Not sure a more granular classification does any work here.

Re: ‘Friends’ and ‘Seinfeld’ knew the cure for loneliness

#78

Post by TaylorAlexander »

hypeit wrote: post #4

> We can see this shift everywhere. The characters of the biggest shows of the '90s — "Friends," "Seinfeld," "Cheers" — spent the overwhelming majority of their time hanging out at the café, diner, and bar, and work was either an afterthought or a running joke. These were television shows, not reality. Even in the 80s and 90s you couldn't spend all of your time in a Manhattan coffee shop or a bar (unless you were a d…

I think Friends showed us what we most deeply desire - a life without concern for work where we spend most of our time with our loved ones at a Third Place away from home and work. I agree it is not literally realistic, but it could be viewed as aspirational.

Youtuber Andrewism made an excellent video about the Third Place last week that explains what various thinkers have written about these places, and considers how we might bring them back: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MD_CMrCpBMc

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