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"Lighten up"

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Re: "Lighten up"

#681

Post by omgsean »

Tichy wrote: post #591
omgsean wrote: post #205

Earlier quoted context omitted.

>Attraction between men and women exists, and it is even vital for the survival of the human race for the time being. So it has to be dealt with somehow. Not at work.

Well it is common advice to not date in the work place. The reality is that a lot of couples meet in the work place, though. II just googled and found http://www.savvysugar.com/More-Couples-Meet-Work-Than-Colleg... which claims 18% of committed couples met at their work place, va 14% who met at college (which is actually a kind of work place, too). So while it sounds like good advice on the surface to not date collea…

How many of those relationships do you think were sparked by public sexist comments during a meeting? You're veering dangerously into "beep boop" territory.

Re: "Lighten up"

#682

Post by adharmad »

sukuriant wrote: post #305
yelsgib wrote: post #246

Earlier quoted context omitted.

In my mind, an important point here is that NO ONE should be asked to put together a pot luck. Why does anyone think this kind of thing is appropriate in the workplace? It makes me want to vomit when workplace boss becomes social boss. If anyone ever told me to put together a pot luck my immediate response would be "go fuck yourself."

You're getting quite a bit of flak for this. You got a sucky boss? I rather like my co-workers, and potlucks are just one method of team-building/friendship making that can be had at work. No, work buddies should never be your only friends, but to have a pleasant time around co-workers, and to have team-building events such as those? There's nothing wrong with that; and, I would argue it helps to create a condusive a…

Nothing wrong with a less frition-filled work environment. But it should not be mandatory. Also real friction caused by workplace politics rarely reduces due to such events.

Re: "Lighten up"

#683

Post by Tichy »

omgsean wrote: post #681
Tichy wrote: post #591

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Well it is common advice to not date in the work place. The reality is that a lot of couples meet in the work place, though. II just googled and found http://www.savvysugar.com/More-Couples-Meet-Work-Than-Colleg... which claims 18% of committed couples met at their work place, va 14% who met at college (which is actually a kind of work place, too). So while it sounds like good advice on the surface to not date collea…

How many of those relationships do you think were sparked by public sexist comments during a meeting? You're veering dangerously into "beep boop" territory.

What is "beep boop" territory?

I am aware that many people will choose to misunderstand me. I am not saying sexism at work should be tolerated so that couples can form. I am saying that attraction at the workplace is real and people need help learning how to deal with it. The "leary guy" might have been sexist, or simply socially inept.

If the definition of sexism includes "acknowledging the existence of boobs" then there is no hope, though.

Re: "Lighten up"

#684

Post by [deleted] »

MartinCron wrote: post #341
paulhauggis wrote: post #133

Have you ever worked in an office with all women? I did and the sexism and comments are worse because they know they can get away with it. Our world has become too politically correct. At one of my jobs, they brought all of the developers into a room and said that "something somebody said was offensive and we needed to watch our language". We're adults, not kids at school..but it sure doesn't feel like it because peo…

It's really easy to say that the world has become too politically correct when you're not the one offended. It's easy not to be offended when you're not in an isolated or alienated group. What's not too PC for you? Blackface minstrel shows? Cross burning? Swastikas? Effigy burnings? Many developers find stereotypes of "tech nerds" offensive. If the women in your office showed up with plaid shirts, pocket protectors,…

[deleted]

Re: "Lighten up"

#685

Post by monochromatic »

> I once had a boss who wanted to turn me into a personal assistant so badly, it ended up in a meeting with HR (he, as white and male, should be allowed to rein in the only female on the team!).

Actually, he should. It has nothing to do with his sex and race though--it has to do with him being THE BOSS.

Re: "Lighten up"

#686

Post by Tichy »

Jem wrote: post #641
seanc722 wrote: post #175

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Erm.. Why does it have to be a low cut dress. I see plenty of light dresses that would be suitable for professional situations that wouldnt bring out these comments. Men should be allowed o have there shirts unbuttoned down to their chest because their chests are hot from all the hair?

I can tell you have absolutely no idea how hard it is to find flattering clothes for larger breasts.

I think you meant unflattering clothes?

Re: "Lighten up"

#687

Post by ahoyhere »

As the woman, I've been the only person in the group asked to put together a pot luck (presumably, this work is beneath the males). I've been the only one asked to take notes in a meeting... even if I'm the one who's presenting (because my title really should be 'secretary who we let on the servers').

Not saying this is what's happening in these cases, but I've often seen this happen to women not because they're women, but because they create the situation by training people to rely on them to do these things. Women who will take on the tasks nobody else wants to do, who will always do whatever others leave undone, who offers to bring other people food when she goes out, etc. In the spirit of helpfulness or whatever.

This happens to men, too, but more women on the whole seem to be the "step in and get it done" type (for whatever reason). The kind you can rely on to bend over backwards to do something when asked, even if it's ridiculous. You see it in families and it's natural that people behave the same at work as they do at home, when it comes to this kind of behavior.

I'm not like this at all, though. Not at all. Nobody says "Oh, Amy will get it all done." And this never happens to me.

Re: "Lighten up"

#689

Post by Tichy »

chanon wrote: post #558
blatherard wrote: post #507

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I'd be inclined to give the author the benefit of the doubt, and take serious the problem she's chosen to flag. She's saying that the attitude of "lighten up" is a problem in and of itself. To say that the "meat of the problem" is something else is really kind of like saying "lighten up."

This. Why must we re-analyze her problem and say it is something else when she has already clearly stated what it is and how she feels. Seeing the grandparent as the top voted comment is like HN saying 'hey, we know better, your problem is actually this'. Which isn't much different from saying 'lighten up' - both amount to dismissing her feelings.

Then why discuss her article at all? She has made up her mind and quit, and that is all there is to it?
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