Looking at my friend's medical school applications, more than half the essay prompts were asking for sob stories. Not like when I applied to undergrad and was usually asked to describe an accomplishment.
The rise of pity marketing
31–40 of 78 posts
Re: The rise of pity marketing
#32Re: The rise of pity marketing
#33It's an interesting phenomenon, but I feel that the article begs us to pass judgement on this behavior, and that makes the article less interesting to me. The West and much of the rest of the world have built societies with few strong kinship bonds. Not everyone has a family they can lean on for support, and we tend to lose friends as we get older rather than make new ones. So, yes, of course people will resort to el…
Wow. This is such an original take. I think it's utterly fascinating and borderline genius - no joke - to tie this alleged impulse for pity/sympathy to the abandonment of family bonds in western culture. That abandonment is what allows individuals to pursue all these artistic and footloose paths without having to care for their elders, but it's also what alienates them from a framework of people who would care about what they do.
In my experience, so much of what you do for kinship is based on guilt, that I find it hard to trust that my kin actually care for anything I ever did. (This could just be because I'm Jewish, but go with me here for a second). My first and last fans have always been my brother and my mom, since I was 12 years old strumming a guitar, all the way through sort-of-rock touring status with a few hundred people per show, up til I'm no longer playing music but for late night solo demos to a few people. One has to ask: Are my kin only kind to my efforts out of some sense of mutual support rooted in guilt if they don't respond?
I think that question kind of answers itself.
So then, what about people who don't have anyone who they can email music to at 3am who has to pretend to like it? What becomes of those people?
It all jives. I think you nailed it. The public pity party is directly related to lacking a family who'll bullshit and pacify you for your own good.
Re: The rise of pity marketing
#34It's an interesting phenomenon, but I feel that the article begs us to pass judgement on this behavior, and that makes the article less interesting to me. The West and much of the rest of the world have built societies with few strong kinship bonds. Not everyone has a family they can lean on for support, and we tend to lose friends as we get older rather than make new ones. So, yes, of course people will resort to el…
> the article begs us to pass judgement on this behavior
The people behaving like this are the ones who are begging for judgement, probably feeling "safe" that anyone condemning them for doing it will be mobbed by the majority who will not miss their chance to virtue signal their support for the self-pittying person.
Re: The rise of pity marketing
#35It's an interesting phenomenon, but I feel that the article begs us to pass judgement on this behavior, and that makes the article less interesting to me. The West and much of the rest of the world have built societies with few strong kinship bonds. Not everyone has a family they can lean on for support, and we tend to lose friends as we get older rather than make new ones. So, yes, of course people will resort to el…
Wow. This is such an original take. I think it's utterly fascinating and borderline genius - no joke - to tie this alleged impulse for pity/sympathy to the abandonment of family bonds in western culture. That abandonment is what allows individuals to pursue all these artistic and footloose paths without having to care for their elders, but it's also what alienates them from a framework of people who would care about…
This might surprise you, but as a parent, I can tell you that seeing my daughter happy makes me happy. Yes, sometimes you do things out of guilt, but that's not the prime mover most of the time.
Re: The rise of pity marketing
#36It's an interesting phenomenon, but I feel that the article begs us to pass judgement on this behavior, and that makes the article less interesting to me. The West and much of the rest of the world have built societies with few strong kinship bonds. Not everyone has a family they can lean on for support, and we tend to lose friends as we get older rather than make new ones. So, yes, of course people will resort to el…
The deeper analysis here is more interesting imo. How much of what ails society is downstream of the increasing atomization of individuals?
the need for community hasn’t gone away, but I can’t help but wonder if we’re pursuing it in the wrong places.
Re: The rise of pity marketing
#37It's an interesting phenomenon, but I feel that the article begs us to pass judgement on this behavior, and that makes the article less interesting to me. The West and much of the rest of the world have built societies with few strong kinship bonds. Not everyone has a family they can lean on for support, and we tend to lose friends as we get older rather than make new ones. So, yes, of course people will resort to el…
Wow. This is such an original take. I think it's utterly fascinating and borderline genius - no joke - to tie this alleged impulse for pity/sympathy to the abandonment of family bonds in western culture. That abandonment is what allows individuals to pursue all these artistic and footloose paths without having to care for their elders, but it's also what alienates them from a framework of people who would care about…
> One has to ask: Are my kin only kind to my efforts out of some sense of mutual support rooted in guilt if they don't respond?
I am not sure what you expect from your relatives... do you expect them to tell you objectively whether you're good? Are they experts guitar critiques?? Even if they were, do you think asking them for feedback would get you the most honest answer?
Do you have children? Would you tell them honestly if you thought they sucked? And "honestly" here is impossible, you'll be totally biased if you're like most parents and will probably actually believe your children are great even when most other people would disagree.
If you truly wanted actual feedback, you would seek that from your peers, not your mom. That can of course be brutal, but that's what you should really seek if you're interested in knowing just how good you are. Your peers can be unjust, of course (and if they're your friends, they will also be too biased or too embarrassed to give you real feedback)... but at least you have a better chance of knowing the truth, and hopefully where you need to improve, by asking people who actually know the stuff and been through the same journey as you're trying to embark on.
Finally, to know whether you were actually good is impossible, and as the article says, perhaps you just weren't as good as you thought and having people cheer you on out of pitty would just prolongue your illusion?!
I used to play as well, and it did come as a shock when I finally understood that I (and my band - except one of the guys who went on to become moderately successful years later, and is still a professional musician) just weren't very good compared to the big bands getting more success than us, and that perhaps that outcome was not actually unfair at all.
Re: The rise of pity marketing
#38Surprised this wasn’t about how Vincent Van Gogh’s tragic life (and that of his brother who owned almost all of Vincent’s artwork) was turned into a mega blockbuster.
Re: The rise of pity marketing
#39It's an interesting phenomenon, but I feel that the article begs us to pass judgement on this behavior, and that makes the article less interesting to me. The West and much of the rest of the world have built societies with few strong kinship bonds. Not everyone has a family they can lean on for support, and we tend to lose friends as we get older rather than make new ones. So, yes, of course people will resort to el…
> But for the sake of those that aren't, maybe let's leave them be and not raze to the ground what's emerged as a stand-in for actual social support and strong kinship ties?
Who is that "we" that could raze social media pity to the ground? In places infested by fake beggars we don't hold council meetings where we decide to stop giving them money.
When I see that my compassion is being taken advantage of, I become less compassionate. Chances are, so do you. Social media pity won't be destroyed by those that complain about it. It'll be destroyed by those that abuse it.
Re: The rise of pity marketing
#40It's an interesting phenomenon, but I feel that the article begs us to pass judgement on this behavior, and that makes the article less interesting to me. The West and much of the rest of the world have built societies with few strong kinship bonds. Not everyone has a family they can lean on for support, and we tend to lose friends as we get older rather than make new ones. So, yes, of course people will resort to el…
> But for the sake of those that aren't, maybe let's leave them be and not raze to the ground what's emerged as a stand-in for actual social support and strong kinship ties? Who is that "we" that could raze social media pity to the ground? In places infested by fake beggars we don't hold council meetings where we decide to stop giving them money. When I see that my compassion is being taken advantage of, I become les…
Rather than allow my compassion to be decimated, or chipped away bit by bit, I simply outsource my compassion.
I never take pity on individuals, whether they are begging at the train station, a grocery store, or somewhere on the Internet. No pity for individual situations. I absolutely cannot and will not trust someone's claims and I absolutely cannot judge their worthiness for charity.
I give generously to charitable organizations that do the most good. This is my religious obligation, and it's also the best way to maximize my bucks. Any suitably large charitable organization will have policies and guidelines for determining who is in need, and how much they deserve. It's simply a matter of trusting that they know how to vet people's needs, and how to distribute aid most effectively in the region that they serve.
I have seen it myself first-hand. I volunteered for a charity that serves the poor, and right in the middle of downtown. It was my job to interview people to find out their immediate needs: socks, bag lunch, shower, bus ticket. And we had intricate and firm rules for how much they could get, and how often they could get it. Some people even received a bicycle, if their needs could be matched with its availability. But obviously, we only had so much to give, and needy people are, unfortunately, experts at squeezing free stuff out of everyone they could. So, we had rate limits and daily/weekly limits on everything. No bus passes without proof of need; that sort of stuff.
So it's the same with all the other charities I support, and they are often organizations I've worked with directly, and I know their reputation for service, and I trust their ability to manage money that I give them. No pity, no guilt, no stress.