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Executive Function Theft

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Re: Executive Function Theft

#201

Post by [deleted] »

adolph wrote: post #200
maxbond wrote: post #192

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> If you care to reply, please address the fact that you lied. Bullshit. You said they were engaging in the inverse of therapy. You leveled various insults at the author. > No It was a rhetorical question. So, "yes," I guess. > If you disagree that the EFT author’s mindset towards work isn’t that of reverse CBT, I look forward to rethinking it. You don't need me for that. (And yes, I disagree.)

Stop lying about what people write. It’s especially unconvincing when what you are writing about is directly above your lie. I did not write that “they were engaging in the inverse of therapy.” I wrote “Irony aside, the essay could be categorized as reverse-CBT. Read more about Lukianoff’s idea at the link below:. . .” Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is a particular technique proven to help people. Lukianoff’s ide…

[deleted]

Re: Executive Function Theft

#202

Post by a_puppy »

jancsika wrote: post #71
AceJohnny2 wrote: post #50

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> neglect them until they become a larger problem, since the alternative is taking them on by oneself and growing increasingly resentful that your coworkers don’t prioritize [stuff] Tangentially, this is a common problem in relationships. "You never do the dishes", "you never do the laundry"... My headcanon for these mismatches is that people have different thresholds of activation. In a relationship, it's useful to…

Translation here may help: > "You never do the dishes" means: You ignore how much more difficult it is to get rid of those little pantry flies, roaches, and/or ants once they find a food/crumb source vs. consistently blocking the impetus for that class of problem to manifest itself. (Or, depending on your locale, perhaps just minimizing that problem as much as possible.) Moreover, your philosophy of free agency doesn…

> when you pick up a dirty plate to reveal mold or wiggling pantry fly eggs

You're describing a hypothetical man who thinks dishes should be left in the sink until they grow mold and attract pests. Obviously mold and pests are bad, so this hypothetical man would be in the wrong.

But, most real relationship conflicts don't fit that hypothetical description! For example, last year there was a discussion on HN about leaving a dirty dish by the sink: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=31000658 There was no mold or pantry fly eggs in that situation; the wife was upset about any dirty dishes being left by the sink at all, even a once-used glass of water.

And that's a much more complicated situation. It's common for different people to have different expectations for cleanliness: a husband might think it's OK for an empty glass of water to be left on the counter if he might drink from it later, but the wife might think that's "dirty". These are different points of view, and neither one is necessarily wrong.

Sometimes people try to frame this as "the husband is sexist and trying to make his wife do the chores" (or "he's inflicting executing function theft on her") but I don't think that's a correct or helpful framing. Like writeslowly and AceJohnny2 wrote above, this is a case of different people having different standards. That doesn't necessarily mean the one with lower standards is committing "executive function theft" on the one with higher standards.

Re: Executive Function Theft

#203

Post by maxbond »

adolph wrote: post #200
maxbond wrote: post #192

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> If you care to reply, please address the fact that you lied. Bullshit. You said they were engaging in the inverse of therapy. You leveled various insults at the author. > No It was a rhetorical question. So, "yes," I guess. > If you disagree that the EFT author’s mindset towards work isn’t that of reverse CBT, I look forward to rethinking it. You don't need me for that. (And yes, I disagree.)

Stop lying about what people write. It’s especially unconvincing when what you are writing about is directly above your lie. I did not write that “they were engaging in the inverse of therapy.” I wrote “Irony aside, the essay could be categorized as reverse-CBT. Read more about Lukianoff’s idea at the link below:. . .” Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is a particular technique proven to help people. Lukianoff’s ide…

That's funny, I was thinking the same thing; that your insults are obvious and that your dissembling and condescension is unconvincing. I certainly don't have the wit to make a better argument that you're being insulting than your parting message, wishing that one day I'll get a grip. Laying it in pretty thick, wouldn't you say?

Good luck with all of that.

Re: Executive Function Theft

#204

Post by forgetfreeman »

pizza wrote: post #42
forgetfreeman wrote: post #19

I had a pretty strong negative reaction when reading this and had to sit with it a while to figure out why. I kept coming back to the idea that something about this seems childish to me without initially being able to articulate what, exactly, it was that seemed immature. After I'd had some time to thing on it it occurred to me that the underlying idea is that people are somehow responsible for the author's emotional…

Sorry, man, but, by your own logic, why is your own strong negative reaction reading this of any relevance? If you have an answer to that, then I think you will also have an answer to why the authors's well-being matters, too. Unless, of course, you mean, emotions are only real when children have them, and if an adult has them, then actually, they are a child..

That adults have emotions isn't in question, whether they manage their emotional landscape or get managed by it is a matter of emotional resilience and maturity. I stand by my statement.

Re: Executive Function Theft

#205

Post by forgetfreeman »

namaria wrote: post #72
forgetfreeman wrote: post #19

I had a pretty strong negative reaction when reading this and had to sit with it a while to figure out why. I kept coming back to the idea that something about this seems childish to me without initially being able to articulate what, exactly, it was that seemed immature. After I'd had some time to thing on it it occurred to me that the underlying idea is that people are somehow responsible for the author's emotional…

This is an ad hominen if I ever saw one. You basically disliked the message and felt entitled to condemn the author's personality as immature and used that as the basis to dismiss their opinion as a misunderstanding.

I'm not convinced. Coworkers aren't friends, family, or therapists. They're (hopefully) present to do a job and go home, same as you.

Re: Executive Function Theft

#206

Post by forgetfreeman »

rexpop wrote: post #38
forgetfreeman wrote: post #19

I had a pretty strong negative reaction when reading this and had to sit with it a while to figure out why. I kept coming back to the idea that something about this seems childish to me without initially being able to articulate what, exactly, it was that seemed immature. After I'd had some time to thing on it it occurred to me that the underlying idea is that people are somehow responsible for the author's emotional…

I, for one, appreciate your deliberate and expository introspection but if you need this explained to you, there's a chance you will never—and I mean never—get it, but here goes: Some people believe that we owe it to one another to be considerate to one another, ie to take responsibility for one another's emotional well-being. Yes, that "underlying idea" is actually quite common in polite society if not outright ubiq…

Right, and I'm not arguing it's OK to be a prick at work. But constructing a New Yorker length article to decry behavior that would more reasonably be ignored or shrugged off seems pretty overwrought to me.

Re: Executive Function Theft

#207

Post by forgetfreeman »

projectileboy wrote: post #197
satisfice wrote: post #67

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It's NOT injustice. That is entirely made up by the author. What agreement or law has been broken?

That’s a fair point. I would say the agreement that has been broken is an implicit social contract (in the sense of Rousseau) that people should share the burdens of society to make society function, and that individuals should do the work that would most appropriately be their responsibility.

Given that ideal hasn't been successful achieved in any society or time period in recorded human history I question getting this spooled up over yet another example of out species missing its own flex goals.

Re: Executive Function Theft

#208

Post by latchkey »

csydas wrote: post #129
mock-possum wrote: post #123

This is real difficult for me to empathize with - I think I get what the issue is, and it’s just not an issue for me. How is it an issue for others??

I can appreciate that, but let me share my experience at a position I had as I've dealt with this a lot and the work became untenable. The team I lead is pretty good, not perfect of course, but we tend to get the desired results and even more for the most important clients/issues, and we do pretty well with clients on the soft-skills side, so clients typically like the team I work with. While this seems like we'd be…

I've been running long comments like this through chatgpt and omg, it summarizes this giant wall of text perfectly. I swear this stuff is going to put therapists out of business.

Re: Executive Function Theft

#209

Post by nojvek »

atomicnumber3 wrote: post #185
canvascritic wrote: post #25

Oof, this hits close to home. during my tenure as a principal engineer at a certain startup, well known and loved in these parts. Anyway I was new to engineering leadership and this big initiative came down from above to migrate to k8s. team was excited to be done with the myriad adhoc scripts and duct tape infra. But it turned out the team was very junior, and I was green as a leader and manager. every day brought a…

Does this startup have a certain penchant for falafel and llamas? If not, then I suppose "top down k8s directive" has happened at least twice.

Hahahahaha. Falafel and llamas. Did they finish k8s migration?
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