Ask vs. Guess Culture

I don't mean to say anything about you, but, as a saying with a different word in it goes, if you meet one person who's bad at communicating, then they're bad at communicating; but if everyone you meet is bad at communicating ….

(I also wish people would communicate more clearly, but I have to admit that what I really want is that people would communicate in the way that's easy for me—I am not operating from some absolute, logical standard. I also may be coming from an unusual perspective because, as an academic, a lot of my colleagues were not born in the US, so that cultural backgrounds, and also the sometime preference in the sciences for speaking that is direct to the point of abruptness, may mean that I don't see the worst of what you do.)

> Excuse me, ma’am. It seems to me that you’re in a hurry. I don’t know how long this line will take, however, I am reasonably certain that it will take the same amount of time for you to reach the head of it whether you stand 5, 1, or zero meters away from my bag, so I must request that you please stop touching it.

This does seem a bit aggro though, a friendlier way could've been to assume that she wasn't aware of the bumping and so wasn't doing it on purpose. In the US if there's a gap in a line and folks aren't closing it, that itself can be seen as rude and not paying attention (whether it makes sense or not is another matter). My personal guess is it comes from being stopped at green lights where cars in front stay parked and then you end up catching the red.

You call up your best friend and say, "Hey, I'm moving on Saturday, come over and help me." Your friend either says "Sure, I'd love to" or "Sorry, got a hot date, catch you at your housewarming party."

Ironically, Ask culture is usually used in transactional settings where you barely know someone, Guess culture is usually used in smaller community settings where you have a lot of personal context, but Tell culture (which is a level beyond Ask in directness) is usually used in intimate settings where you have a strong bond with someone - either family or very close friends. At that level of intimacy, it's expected that someone can say no to a direct request without hurting the relationship. It's the same reason close friends frequently make fun of each other or horse around in mock physical combat - it demonstrates that your relationship is strong enough that insult doesn't hurt it.