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Mister Rogers had a point – routinely greeting six neighbors maximizes wellbeing

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Re: Mister Rogers had a point – routinely greeting six neighbors maximizes wellbeing

#71

Post by coldpie »

xattt wrote: post #40
kilbuz wrote: post #21

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The global pandemic may be affecting their behavior.

My street was full of older folks that we got to know over the years. Some moved to assisted living, some are getting there, and some passed away from unexpected diagnoses. We have new Gen Z neighbours for the last two years who seem to exist in their bubble, shutting out the immediate world and interacting only with their social circle. Barely an acknowledgement even if we’re out in the yard, shovelling snow or cutt…

> I am wondering if this is some generational divide at play where some slice of the population had been conditioned that the only valid interactions are those that happen online.

I think it's likely some of that is at play, yeah. A less confrontational way to phrase this could be: perhaps people who were raised with the Internet feel they find sufficient socialization through talking with their friends online, and don't go looking for it elsewhere.

In any case, I wouldn't read too much into it, or take it personally. I'm 35 and have lived in my house for 10 years and have only really met three of my neighbors beyond "hi". If we were neighbors, maybe you would think I think you're intimidating or unsocial, but that's not the case, I'm just shy and have a hard time being around new people. Talking with strangers is a major event for me, and I'm usually not up to the task without a lot of mental prep work. I wish I was more social, but well, I've tried, and I'm just not comfortable with it. It is what it is.

Re: Mister Rogers had a point – routinely greeting six neighbors maximizes wellbeing

#72

Post by ssully »

bradley13 wrote: post #14

Just to toss this out there: the reverse is also true. We get along well with all of our neighbors except one. We say "hi" and invite each other over regularly. That one bad neighbor is a real problem, and a huge source of stress and unhappiness.

Big time. I have a neighbor about half a block from me that would harass me when I would walk my dogs by his house. Based on his behavior I assume he struggles with some mental issues.

The one positive is I avoid his house completely, so now my standard dog walking route is a block longer, so more exercise for me and the dogs.

Re: Mister Rogers had a point – routinely greeting six neighbors maximizes wellbeing

#73

Post by nemo44x »

hibikir wrote: post #49

Most of the year, I live in a midwestern suburb: 1/3rd of an acre lots as far as the eye can see. I go on a walk every day, but it's rare that I ever actually see a human being during said walk: Everyone is cooped up in their houses. In practice, in most of this suburban life, every bit of human interaction is planned. We drive to commerce, and there we are met by workers with constantly changing schedules, who have…

Yes, that's exactly right. A town needs to be designed in a way that encourages walking. Shops to walk to, trains for commuting, a certain density, etc. Walking create so many opportunities to see people regularly without planning and to become comfortable with each other and it grows from there. Multiply that by everyone else doing it and you do get a real sense of community.

> Large parts of America have chosen forms of development that are naturally isolating: It's no surprise so many feel isolated!

Indeed - I have relatives that live in a place like this. Nice homes, etc but few trees, no sidewalks, and nowhere to walk. Why would you other than exercise? And a lot of people like it this way and that's fine. They want privacy and aren't interested in building relationships with people they live near. That's fine.

But if you want a sense of community then you need to live in a place that encourages walking by making it useful.

Re: Mister Rogers had a point – routinely greeting six neighbors maximizes wellbeing

#74

Post by jtr1 »

jacquesm wrote: post #54
smohnot wrote: post #35

Mr. Rogers was my actual neighbor in Pittsburgh in 1999-2000, while I was at CMU. He would really go out of his way to have social interactions. He would always say hello and ask how you were doing in a way that felt like he actually genuinely wanted to know the answer. Case of the person in real life being exactly like what he seems like on TV.

This is one thing that always got me about the United States: people will ask you how you are doing, but they don't actually mean it, it's just a required pre-amble, a bit like the tones a modem uses to sync up with the other end. If he did it in a way that he actually genuinely wanted to know the answer that alone would set him apart in a very distinctive way. Most people really don't want to know the answer, but th…

Speaking for myself, the question is always fairly routine but sometimes people answer genuinely. In almost all those cases I really do care, but the register of the conversation usually only shifts after it’s apparent that the person is looking for more than a routine conversation

Re: Mister Rogers had a point – routinely greeting six neighbors maximizes wellbeing

#75

Post by W0lfEagle »

irrational wrote: post #13

In our last house we knew 90% of the people on our street and regularly interacted with them. We have been in our new house for just over 2 years and only know our neighbors on one side of our house. The neighbor in the other house moved in just a week after we did. In those 2 years we have seen him only once, they day he moved in when he pulled up in his car, got out (without looking our way), opened the garage door…

I feel like I read this comment on another thread a while ago. Did I?

Re: Mister Rogers had a point – routinely greeting six neighbors maximizes wellbeing

#76

Post by frandroid »

firefoxd wrote: post #69

If you are unhappy, does starting to greet your neighbor makes your happier? Or is it the other way around, when you are happy you greet your neighbor. This sounds like a "one little weird trick to boost your happiness: greet six neighbors." The important factors are the other things: having a high income, living in a good neighborhood, and and being a good community member. These increase your wellbeing, then of cou…

People in low-income and "bad" neighbourhoods actually stand to gain a lot more by knowing their neighbours because they get a lot more out of community solidarity when there's trouble, they'll have networks to identify trouble earlier, etc.

Re: Mister Rogers had a point – routinely greeting six neighbors maximizes wellbeing

#78

Post by datavirtue »

irrational wrote: post #13

In our last house we knew 90% of the people on our street and regularly interacted with them. We have been in our new house for just over 2 years and only know our neighbors on one side of our house. The neighbor in the other house moved in just a week after we did. In those 2 years we have seen him only once, they day he moved in when he pulled up in his car, got out (without looking our way), opened the garage door…

[flagged]

Re: Mister Rogers had a point – routinely greeting six neighbors maximizes wellbeing

#79

Post by giraffe_lady »

nemo44x wrote: post #60
giraffe_lady wrote: post #23

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Did you move into an affluent & predominantly white neighborhood? I will probably get shit for this, but this has been the norm in those from my experience. After I got into tech I lived in a couple of them for five years then just gave up and moved back to the underdeveloped part of the city I grew up in, where people are willing to acknowledge each other.

I'm not sure race or affluence has anything to do with it so much as how the place you're living is designed. There needs to be a reason for people to walk - like going to some shops, the train, nice parks, etc. When you have that then people see each other often and recognize each other and say hi and stop and chat for a few minutes. And some of those relationships grow as you find out you have certain shared intere…

I'm sure you're right but I've never lived in a suburb. Even in the dense urban neighborhoods of my experience there is a big difference. Car ownership & use may play a role though. The wealthier neighborhoods are more walkable & bikeable and closer to transit but still have more people with cars, more space taken up by garages.

Re: Mister Rogers had a point – routinely greeting six neighbors maximizes wellbeing

#80

Post by Waterluvian »

jacquesm wrote: post #54
smohnot wrote: post #35

Mr. Rogers was my actual neighbor in Pittsburgh in 1999-2000, while I was at CMU. He would really go out of his way to have social interactions. He would always say hello and ask how you were doing in a way that felt like he actually genuinely wanted to know the answer. Case of the person in real life being exactly like what he seems like on TV.

This is one thing that always got me about the United States: people will ask you how you are doing, but they don't actually mean it, it's just a required pre-amble, a bit like the tones a modem uses to sync up with the other end. If he did it in a way that he actually genuinely wanted to know the answer that alone would set him apart in a very distinctive way. Most people really don't want to know the answer, but th…

That reminds me of Tig Notaro's incredible stand-up set when she found out she had cancer:

"I have cancer, how are you?" "Is everyone having a good time? I have cancer."

It's a masterpiece, in my opinion. Tig finds an intensely awkward situation with an audience that showed up for comedy, and just presses on it relentlessly. I really hope that when it's my turn, I can handle it like her.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oXk1DSbXsZk

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