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Mister Rogers had a point – routinely greeting six neighbors maximizes wellbeing

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Re: Mister Rogers had a point – routinely greeting six neighbors maximizes wellbeing

#51

Post by klipt »

Invictus0 wrote: post #42
gspencley wrote: post #38

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Sounds blissful. I'm a fairly introverted, reclusive person. Much like your one neighbour. I keep to myself. I do know my neighbours. The couple on one side is delightful and the woman on the other side is a "Karen" who I prefer not associate with. She is an outdoor person and only "talks" to me when she has a problem with how I keep my yard. Ironically I would probably use my yard more (and thus tend to it more) if…

I think you'll find that community matters even more in rural towns. We are social animals. We can't do it all alone. That modern society has enabled us to be 'reclusive' is frankly a maladaptive outcome.

There have always been hermits even before modern times, but I agree it's a high risk life strategy.

Loners are probably much more likely to die of say, having a heart attack and not receiving help promptly.

Re: Mister Rogers had a point – routinely greeting six neighbors maximizes wellbeing

#52

Post by jacquesm »

I make a point of bringing a bunch of flowers to the 10 or so houses near us at the beginning of every year. It is such a small thing to do but the effects have so far been well beyond what I would expect, immediately 'neighbor' becomes 'person I know a little bit' and from there the network around you will strengthen.

Re: Mister Rogers had a point – routinely greeting six neighbors maximizes wellbeing

#53

Post by giraffe_lady »

catchnear4321 wrote: post #41
giraffe_lady wrote: post #23

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Did you move into an affluent & predominantly white neighborhood? I will probably get shit for this, but this has been the norm in those from my experience. After I got into tech I lived in a couple of them for five years then just gave up and moved back to the underdeveloped part of the city I grew up in, where people are willing to acknowledge each other.

here’s your counter-point. now the sample size is two. lived in a diverse, affluent, tech/corpo neighborhood, most neighbors ignored or were passive aggressive - the kind where you know you aren’t being ignored because the behavior is too egregious to not be aware of the impact. you aren’t being ignored, you aren’t worth ignoring. lived in an older, affluent neighborhood. four neighbors that would likely be described…

Yes I was using those as lazy shorthands to avoid litigating the exact definitions or having to account for all of the nuance elided by them. They're affiliations and trends, not geo-destiny. Historical immigrant enclaves specifically tend to be really interesting counterexamples, one way or another.

Re: Mister Rogers had a point – routinely greeting six neighbors maximizes wellbeing

#54

Post by jacquesm »

smohnot wrote: post #35

Mr. Rogers was my actual neighbor in Pittsburgh in 1999-2000, while I was at CMU. He would really go out of his way to have social interactions. He would always say hello and ask how you were doing in a way that felt like he actually genuinely wanted to know the answer. Case of the person in real life being exactly like what he seems like on TV.

This is one thing that always got me about the United States: people will ask you how you are doing, but they don't actually mean it, it's just a required pre-amble, a bit like the tones a modem uses to sync up with the other end.

If he did it in a way that he actually genuinely wanted to know the answer that alone would set him apart in a very distinctive way. Most people really don't want to know the answer, but they'll still ask the question.

Re: Mister Rogers had a point – routinely greeting six neighbors maximizes wellbeing

#55

Post by giraffe_lady »

rootusrootus wrote: post #47
giraffe_lady wrote: post #23

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Did you move into an affluent & predominantly white neighborhood? I will probably get shit for this, but this has been the norm in those from my experience. After I got into tech I lived in a couple of them for five years then just gave up and moved back to the underdeveloped part of the city I grew up in, where people are willing to acknowledge each other.

Not the person you responded to, but I'll bite. I live in an affluent nearly all-white suburban neighborhood. I know everyone within two houses in any direction, and a few that are even farther than that. We have one recluse and one Karen, but everyone else is super laid back. It's delightful. I've lived in a range of neighborhoods over my life, and I haven't really seen a pattern. My gut instinct is that attitude is…

No shade but I'd like to hear from one of the non-white neighbors about how delightful it is? I do generally assume the white people living in all-white places are having a good time with it.

Re: Mister Rogers had a point – routinely greeting six neighbors maximizes wellbeing

#56

Post by midasuni »

Invictus0 wrote: post #42
gspencley wrote: post #38

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Sounds blissful. I'm a fairly introverted, reclusive person. Much like your one neighbour. I keep to myself. I do know my neighbours. The couple on one side is delightful and the woman on the other side is a "Karen" who I prefer not associate with. She is an outdoor person and only "talks" to me when she has a problem with how I keep my yard. Ironically I would probably use my yard more (and thus tend to it more) if…

I think you'll find that community matters even more in rural towns. We are social animals. We can't do it all alone. That modern society has enabled us to be 'reclusive' is frankly a maladaptive outcome.

No we aren’t social animals, certainly not in rural areas. Give me a good book and a quiet afternoon in the shade of a tree with no neighbours any day.

Re: Mister Rogers had a point – routinely greeting six neighbors maximizes wellbeing

#57

Post by jacquesm »

irrational wrote: post #13

In our last house we knew 90% of the people on our street and regularly interacted with them. We have been in our new house for just over 2 years and only know our neighbors on one side of our house. The neighbor in the other house moved in just a week after we did. In those 2 years we have seen him only once, they day he moved in when he pulled up in his car, got out (without looking our way), opened the garage door…

Spooky. If not for the garbage cans you'd wonder if he was even alive.

Re: Mister Rogers had a point – routinely greeting six neighbors maximizes wellbeing

#58

Post by jacquesm »

midasuni wrote: post #56
Invictus0 wrote: post #42

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I think you'll find that community matters even more in rural towns. We are social animals. We can't do it all alone. That modern society has enabled us to be 'reclusive' is frankly a maladaptive outcome.

No we aren’t social animals, certainly not in rural areas. Give me a good book and a quiet afternoon in the shade of a tree with no neighbours any day.

You maybe not. But having lived in very rural areas you quickly realize that your neighbors are your safety net far more than the authorities and that in a pinch you all need to be able to rely on each other. A good book isn't going to get your car out of a ditch or help locate your kid or pet when it has gone missing.

Re: Mister Rogers had a point – routinely greeting six neighbors maximizes wellbeing

#59

Post by thewildginger »

catchnear4321 wrote: post #41
giraffe_lady wrote: post #23

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Did you move into an affluent & predominantly white neighborhood? I will probably get shit for this, but this has been the norm in those from my experience. After I got into tech I lived in a couple of them for five years then just gave up and moved back to the underdeveloped part of the city I grew up in, where people are willing to acknowledge each other.

here’s your counter-point. now the sample size is two. lived in a diverse, affluent, tech/corpo neighborhood, most neighbors ignored or were passive aggressive - the kind where you know you aren’t being ignored because the behavior is too egregious to not be aware of the impact. you aren’t being ignored, you aren’t worth ignoring. lived in an older, affluent neighborhood. four neighbors that would likely be described…

Being Established not meaning specifically wealth, I like that

Re: Mister Rogers had a point – routinely greeting six neighbors maximizes wellbeing

#60

Post by nemo44x »

giraffe_lady wrote: post #23
irrational wrote: post #13

In our last house we knew 90% of the people on our street and regularly interacted with them. We have been in our new house for just over 2 years and only know our neighbors on one side of our house. The neighbor in the other house moved in just a week after we did. In those 2 years we have seen him only once, they day he moved in when he pulled up in his car, got out (without looking our way), opened the garage door…

Did you move into an affluent & predominantly white neighborhood? I will probably get shit for this, but this has been the norm in those from my experience. After I got into tech I lived in a couple of them for five years then just gave up and moved back to the underdeveloped part of the city I grew up in, where people are willing to acknowledge each other.

I'm not sure race or affluence has anything to do with it so much as how the place you're living is designed. There needs to be a reason for people to walk - like going to some shops, the train, nice parks, etc. When you have that then people see each other often and recognize each other and say hi and stop and chat for a few minutes. And some of those relationships grow as you find out you have certain shared interests (kids, hobbies, etc) and someone gets the courage to invite the others over for a BBQ with some others and it's nice. And it becomes contagious as people begin to blend and the next thing you know the entire block you live on, most everyone knows most everyone else.

But if you live in a place where there's nothing walkable and walking isn't even encouraged (no sidewalks, etc) then people don't really leave their back yards. Everyone is isolated. And to be sure this is what a good deal of people want. But if you want community and getting to know each other then you need to live in a place that encourages walking around.

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