Remote work requires communicating more, but less frequently

Few people mention the difficulties of the other paradigm, though. I've had lot of hallway conversations where, if I don't write down some notes, it's gone. Plus, if you don't have any control over it, having someone stop by your desk is a significant interruption.

Ever been in a situation where you asked someone for something you need done, they said yes verbally, it didn't get done, and now everyone is looking at you for the reason why it isn't done?

When I worked in an office it was much easier to casually ask for quick help. It was often pretty obvious whether a senior engineer was busy and focused or between tasks, checking email etc. and the overhead/friction of these ten-second conversations is higher when you have to wait for a response on slack, then launch a video call, share screen... instead of just making eye contact and saying "got a sec?"

> waiting for somebody else to type

> trying to verbally communicate something that would be better done in writing/code

> somebody looking over my shoulder

At the risk of sounding flippant, none of these activities comprise pair programming. What's better written should be, and the simplest way might be "can I just show you?" or, from a particularly well-atuned pair, "would you mind showing me?"

"Waiting for someone else to type," in my experience, is either a good opportunity to finish a bit of thinking that'd I'd put off moments prior, or else premeditate on our next move. Sometimes, however, the typing is, as you alluded to, an attempt to communicate something, in which case watching them type is roughly equivalent to listening to a person in conversation, and therefore an opportunity to learn, catch bugs, etc. In other words, when I am pair-programming I am never waiting qua idling.

And, lastly, I completely agree that "somebody looking over my shoulder" is an unnerving condition to code under. As purely ergonomic concern, "over one's shoulder" is not a healthy position from which to operate a computer. ;)

But, seriously, it's not pair programming if you're not on equal footing (seating?), with equal access to mouse, keyboard, and monitor. Don't stand for someone standing behind you!

I am sorry for the unpleasant experiences you've had. As a practitioner, I would not have subjected you to them. I am, frankly, vicariously irritated with whomever did.

I graduated from school in Spring 2020 and started working in Aug 2020. In that timeframe, I had not been inside an employers office more than 3 times. Since Mar 2023, we've had a "mandatory" 4 days in office every week. Here's what I've experienced since going the office:

* Occasionally I'll get a good conversation with a teammate or manager about something technical, but the frequency has not gone up. The technical conversations are still scheduled on a calendar and happen at the same frequency. I really haven't experienced many people stopping at my desk and I think I've only stopped at the junior engineers desk to check in.

* Socializing at work has not been my strong suit. I am pretty introverted when it comes to strangers (e.g. anyone who has not been introduced to me). I find the socializing to be more energy draining.

* I walk to work. I like that typically. The walk can be... disturbing to say the least since I walk through downtown Seattle.

* A lot of people in the office prefer to speak to each other in languages other than english. Everyone on my team (my manager + all my coworkers on my team) prefer speaking something other than english and do so unless I'm involved in the conversation. This surprised me and at times I find it frustrating because I wish I could know what they're chatting about when it's technical (certain keywords I can pickup on since they're the name of internal things).

* working in office 4 days a week has given me something to really look forward to each week, and that's the WFH day.

* I don't think my productivity has gone up. Some days it's definitely worse. Now there's an obligation to go sit and eat with others for 30min-1hr a day. Previously, I'd just bring my lunch to my desk and continue to work.

I don't think my experience is the norm. But I certainly miss the pure WFH days.

Even well done, this kind of communication doesn't substitute for more free-form 1:1s that in-person allows. The latter are key to building trust.

I'm finding this to be one of the key drawbacks of remote work - some decisions require cross team trust and I've yet to see anything besides more frequent ad-hoc conversations that builds it. The problem is that the most trust building conversations tend to be "off-topic" conversations that just don't happen organically in a remote environment. I as an individual can try and make these happen but I can't force the org to do so.

If anyone feels like they have a solution I'd love to hear it (we're already doing quarterly off-sites, it's not enough)