Ask HN: How to deal with stress from inferiority complex?

#1

Post by krishnaislove » Thu, Aug 03, 2023, 12:38 PM UTC

Hi HN! I have a bit of a problem. I feel very inferior, all day, everyday. My life feels rather dull.

The reason being the people I know. I compare myself with them. Many of them are highly successful people with big businesses in manufacturing/import-export.

When I look at them, I feel super inferior and I want to do something about it but I don't know where to begin. I'm a software engineer, 24 years old, working remotely, living with my parents, and making around 65k euros. I love my job, I love the people there but everytime I look at the people I know who are way better off, I feel like I have accomplished nothing, absolutely nothing!

I know it's easy for people to tell me to be patient but I feel rather helpless and it's causing me a lot of stress. Everytime I look at people I know who are well off, live in nice villas in Europe and have a great and happy family, I get a bit depressed because I don't have those things. I live in an old, small house. I live in a polluted city and I don't have any friends, I haven't ever traveled.

I want to do good, I am doing good already compared to many people my age but I still can't help compare myself with people who are like 30-40 years old. Part of that is that they don't tell me much about their struggles, or how they started and how much they earn so I feel a little lost.

Could you please guide me and help me with this problem? I'm sick of this stress and it's affecting my decision making and peace. I am a capable software engineer who loves to make projects but I've never built my own business. I don't know how much I have to earn, how much I can earn and how many years I have to wait till I'll be half as good as them and that causes me pain.

Could you please help me with this? Give me a new perspective?

Re: Ask HN: How to deal with stress from inferiority complex?

#2

Post by nullindividual » Thu, Aug 03, 2023, 12:45 PM UTC

Find a professional therapist who can help you through this. HN isn't the place.

Re: Ask HN: How to deal with stress from inferiority complex?

#3

Post by krishnaislove » Thu, Aug 03, 2023, 12:49 PM UTC

nullindividual wrote: post #2

Find a professional therapist who can help you through this. HN isn't the place.

I understand but therapists can't give me career advice, the steps I can take to get rid of my inferiority complex.

Re: Ask HN: How to deal with stress from inferiority complex?

#4

Post by ggeorgovassilis » Thu, Aug 03, 2023, 12:54 PM UTC

> 24 years old, working remotely, living with my parents, and making around 65k euros

idk if that helps, but as someone with a grandiosity complex: I didn't make that kind of money until well into my 30s.

Re: Ask HN: How to deal with stress from inferiority complex?

#5

Post by AnimalMuppet » Thu, Aug 03, 2023, 1:09 PM UTC

You're 24? Stop comparing yourself to 40-year-olds. If you have to compare at all, compare yourself to 24-year-olds. Anything else is as blatantly unfair as comparing yourself to 15-year-olds so you could feel superior.

But I will go further. Comparison is a game where you can only lose. So stop playing.

Why do I say you can only lose? Let's say you become one of those 40-year-olds that you're comparing yourself to. Well, now you have moved up to a new peer group, and you have a new set of people to compare yourself to. Now you can compare yourself to 50- to 60-year-olds who go to Davos.

And even if you're Bill Gates, the richest man in the world... oops, you were the richest man in the world, but now you're not. And Musk has both Tesla and SpaceX.

If Bill Gates can lose at the comparison game, you're not going to win at it. So as I said, stop playing.

And if you think about Bill Gates, or hypercompetitive athletes, or Larry Ellison, you see that this kind of "I have to win the comparison game" can turn people into real jerks. Worry less about external success compared to others, and more about what kind of person you are becoming.

Re: Ask HN: How to deal with stress from inferiority complex?

#6

Post by JumpinJack_Cash » Thu, Aug 03, 2023, 1:20 PM UTC

> > I still can't help compare myself with people who are like 40 years old

You are jelous of their money and these guys are jelous of your erections

erections > money

The only problem is that you are killing them with your anxiety and if you kill them then they’d have an advantage again because if 2 guys have both problems with erections then it’s better to be the guy who has more money.

You might not notice it but even stuff like writing this post or doubting yourself is killing your erections so stop.

I am using erections because I assume you are a highly competitive and ego/money driven guy, there is nothing you would not sacrifice to make more money: relationships, friends, mental health, physical health, diet…..but not erections, would you accept losing you erections forever for 200bn dollars? I don’t think so.

Economists say there is no free meal, well there really isn’t. When you doubt yourself you are actively stabbing your penis and killing your erections and at 65k/yr you are way past the point where selfdoubt leads to accomplishments that make them come back stronger.

The world is much less violent than it used to be: 99,999% of the warfare is psychological. When you are doubting yourself you are actively opening fire on your positions, you are not only making your enemies win but they are winning thanks to your self destruction.

So you better delete this post or I’ll catch a plane and come there to kick you in the nuts until you pass out . So you’d be at least able to tell other guys that you lost your erections because of a vicious attack from a maniac instead of self inflicted psychological damage

And get the fuck out of your parents house

Re: Ask HN: How to deal with stress from inferiority complex?

#7

Post by krishnaislove » Thu, Aug 03, 2023, 2:38 PM UTC

AnimalMuppet wrote: post #5

You're 24? Stop comparing yourself to 40-year-olds. If you have to compare at all, compare yourself to 24-year-olds. Anything else is as blatantly unfair as comparing yourself to 15-year-olds so you could feel superior. But I will go further. Comparison is a game where you can only lose. So stop playing. Why do I say you can only lose? Let's say you become one of those 40-year-olds that you're comparing yourself to.…

You're absolutely right about everything. I think I'm getting competitive because I think deep down, I feel like I can do just as good as them but right now, just not able to for some reason.

I don't really want to be the world's richest to be honest, just enough to be in a nice enough place, to let my parents have what they never had, to have enough to serve the society. My home makes me a bit depressed because I'm not fully independent. I'd like to buy a home but people say it takes years to save and have something of your own.

So I'd like to seek for opportunities where I can accelerate my earnings, a side hustle. Maybe then I won't feel like I'm not making progress in life.

Re: Ask HN: How to deal with stress from inferiority complex?

#8

Post by krishnaislove » Thu, Aug 03, 2023, 3:49 PM UTC

ggeorgovassilis wrote: post #4

> 24 years old, working remotely, living with my parents, and making around 65k euros idk if that helps, but as someone with a grandiosity complex: I didn't make that kind of money until well into my 30s.

How much time did it take for you to be satisfied with what you had?

Re: Ask HN: How to deal with stress from inferiority complex?

#9

Post by [deleted] » Thu, Aug 03, 2023, 4:53 PM UTC

krishnaislove wrote: post #8

ggeorgovassilis wrote: post #4

> 24 years old, working remotely, living with my parents, and making around 65k euros idk if that helps, but as someone with a grandiosity complex: I didn't make that kind of money until well into my 30s.

How much time did it take for you to be satisfied with what you had?

[deleted]

Re: Ask HN: How to deal with stress from inferiority complex?

#10

Post by nullindividual » Thu, Aug 03, 2023, 6:58 PM UTC

krishnaislove wrote: post #3

nullindividual wrote: post #2

Find a professional therapist who can help you through this. HN isn't the place.

I understand but therapists can't give me career advice, the steps I can take to get rid of my inferiority complex.

You're not asking for career advice.

> I compare myself with them

> I feel super inferior

> I look at the people I know who are way better off

> I feel like I have accomplished nothing

> I feel rather helpless

> it's causing me a lot of stress

> I get a bit depressed because I don't have those things

> I don't have any friends

> I feel a little lost

> I'm sick of this stress

> how many years I have to wait till I'll be half as good as them and that causes me pain

Read that. All of it. You tell me, what is _career_ related there? I'll give you a hint: None of it.

This is all insecurity and self-doubt. That's what therapy is for. You won't solve insecurity and self-doubt by even being the most successful person in your circle of friends/co-workers.

Therapy. End'of'story.

And as another commenter said, don't compare yourself with other people (especially not 30-40 yr olds who have a huge financial advantage due to the length of their work experience). It doesn't do you any good.

And stop worry about "stuff". You will die. Your stuff doesn't give two shits if you do. Touch the dirt. Get off the screens. Go walk in a forest. Find some mountains or an ocean coast (especially the west coast -- nothing like watching the sun set over the endless ocean; mine being the Pacific but I'm sure the Atlantic is equally impressive).

Relax your mind and your body. The 20s are stressful and every experience is new. When you get into your late 30s or into your 40s, you'll figure things out and wonder why you stressed about any of this stuff at all.

Remember, you're already set to be successful. You have a valuable and in-demand skill.